My Life Crisis

[sea5763]

I don’t know whether you’ve tried this or not, but have you looked for job openings across the country and not just near where you already live? I haven’t gone to church as much as I should be but the new pastor came from several states away.

 

[Leon Seymore]

You are in a CRISIS !!!!
At your age I was in the same crisis.
1. Consolidate what you have,
Small, small steps like the Greek orthodox monks in the small bedrooms, with the old clothes, the small bicycle and the focused deliberate living, savouring each meal, allways eating just-just too little.... careful, careful living will bring you along way. Your running too fast and burning out! When your spiritual health is back, return to the fast track.
2. Don't make more debt and pay of your debt (It's easier to live like a Christian debt-free than it is to live like a Christian in debt)
3. Don't throw good money after bad. A PhD is a status symbol. It's easier being a humble Christian than trendy one. Do your PhD at 40 or 60 when you are wiser?
4. Get a job even if it is a small job. Better even, get multiple small jobs. Work hard and get your strength back.
5. You have used the word "I" too much in your letter. There is no "I" in life .... ask Noah. Live like there is no "I" and the pain of living will disappear.
6. Think .... but not too much
Think first .... but you must do, otherwise the thinking was a waste of time
Thinking is important ... but planning is more important
No pain no gain
You have fallen into the trap current societal living has trapped your mind in. Qouting other wise people you have the choice of walking the road no one has ever travelled (whether you win or not), walking the road that's alternative, walking back to where you came from, walking back to where you last felt secure, the road that you want to try something, the road my parents or role models want,. Ask God to light you a way

 

[mukk_in]

I'm a few months away from my 30th birthday (surreal). Yet I feel like I’m in a life crises. I’m not happy with my life as I am stuck rather than moving forward. Overall, I've been at a crossroads
Lately as 1) I want to do a PhD, 2) I need a job, 3) I want to move out, and 4) I’m looking for a church . Allow me to explain: Last year I graduated from seminary with MDiv yet I haven't been able to find work. However, I'd like to do my PhD. I feel like it's the perfect time to do it as I'm still young, and no wife/kids. However I'm have a 100k loan and still live with my parents. And with not having a job, it has been difficult to consider this next step in my life. M

Nevertheless, I looked into the PhD program and fortunately, annual stipends are given to all students and then some (i.e payment for doing teaching assistants). In other words, they pay you to study so you don't have to! Moreover, an optional 1 year Masters in theology (ThM) program is available to better prepare you for your PhD dissertation. However, the ThM doesn't include a stipend. Plus, I have to learn a new language or 2 in order to even get into the PhD program. It's about 3-5 years, depends on your pace. I definitely wanna do it and finish ASAP.

At the same time, many fears, questions and doubts plague my mind because it's overwhelming..

Will I be able to land a job post PhD ? (I thought of becoming a full time professor). But it’s competitive in terms of finding one as everyone is applying.

Plus I regret not going away to college when I was 18, as I probably would have gained more independence. But back then, I barely graduated high school and was on academic probation in my freshman year of college. I know I can’t change the past but again, I would’ve moved away. I’m just extremely restless in moving out at this point but with no job, I’m stuck….

Since being unemployed, I’ve had a myriad of job rejections, bad new job experiences that ended quickly, and cold feet when some opportunities were presented. I tend to have this fear of failure and inferiority.That aside, my health has been rocky this year so I haven't been able to do much for a time but I’m back now.


I also wish I had cultivated more job experience as mine’s is minimal. Should’ve divided my time between work/school rather than just focus on school. I feel like an idiot for not doing so. Such a pain to land a job!

So why the PhD?
I definitely would love to teach within a seminary but also in the church. I would also love to teach/preach within a church, bridging the gap between church and seminary. Church needs proper discipleship in the Word of God and theology in their walks in Christ. Majority of the time, people are biblically illiterate and theologically deficient as most of today’s preachers water down the message. And it is my burning desire, to equip those wanting to enter ministry and those in the congregation.

I have come to enjoy teaching with the experiences I amassed throughout the years such as Sunday school, small groups, and ESL. Plus with comments about how I can teach. It’s no doubt that it’s a gift that God has provided. I also see it in preaching as well.
It's crazy as to how many confirmations I've had since January about the school I would like to attend. For instance, seeing the name of the school everywhere from stickers to cars, books , papers, and so forth. But then again, perhaps it’s just me as it was a fervent desire. Sometimes our own minds play tricks on us. I haven’t had confirmations lately as opposed to earlier this year. But again, no job. Things just seem out of reach.

Despite my desire for PhD, it has also been a burden/thorn in my side as I still need to make money. It definitely takes my focus off everything else. For instance, I could be doing other things now and make money but if I go back to school next year, I would be limited in doing so. On the flip side, I wouldn’t know what to do with my life if I don’t do it. It’s difficult finding a job as it is and I’m sick and tired of sitting around… Plus it’s best to do it while you’re young as you can start your career sooner. But I still wanna move out. Nevertheless, I’m between a rock and a hard place. No matter what I try to do, I always find myself back to square one.


Church
Lastly, I’m seeking a church. Been becoming reformed but with a continuationist perspective. However, it's been hard as mainly continuationists lean towards extreme charismatic which I do not affiliate myself with. And many reformed churches are cessationists. I’d also appreciate a church that does expository preaching! Been in churches where the Word is not preach, defaulting to bad theology/falsehood instead. Not only would I want to congregate but I would want to cultivate ministry experience such as teaching/preaching. But that too has been difficult to find. Again, I’m between a rock and a hard place.

Questions to consider

• If you got a PhD and how'd you handle it ?(especially if you were in the same situation as me)
  Or if you know someone with a PhD , how’d they handle it?

• If you were in my shoes, what would you do and why? I’d appreciate the input. Even if you didn’t get a PhD

• Can you please keep me in prayer regarding all this? I have been restless for quite some time.

It’s not been an easy journey for me. I do not like being stuck when everyone else is seemingly ahead of me. As if I lack the capacity to carry things out or to get anywhere in life. I feel like I've been in this rut since last year and I would hate if I’m in the same place next year. I’m trying to be as positive/optimistic as possible. But some days (like today) I’m discouraged. Such is my life at the moment.. I’m lost.

A lot to chew on here. But thanks to those who read and respond to this post. God bless you.

A PhD is a longterm commitment and quite expensive. I have a finished PhD from India, and an almost finished one at Virginia Tech. If you're planning on being a pastor, it's better to obtain a ThD. A PhD in engineering made me a Professor. A ThD can make you a Senior Pastor. But, you may need to work and save a bit before, and after to pay off your debt. As Scott said, get some field experience as well. I had done quite a bit of preaching and visitations before obtaining a PhD. Peace in Christ.

 

[aiki]

So, Scripture says to us that God is not the Author of confusion. I take this to mean, in part, that God is not keeping His will for us a secret and He's not trying to cloud His will, making us jump through hoops to figure out what He wants. In light of this, if the way forward for you is not clear, then perhaps you ought to wait until it is. God is not in a hurry just because you may be. It could be that God wants you to take some time and actually learn to walk deeply with Him. Knowledge of theology and doctrine doesn't always translate into a healthy, intimate walk with God. It is in living the truth, not simply grasping it intellectually, that we come truly to understand the truth and its Author.

If you already have a 100K debt hanging over you, why in the world would you want to increase that debt load? Especially when there is significant competition for professorships and no great likelihood that you could obtain such a position, pursuing a PhD. at this time seems distinctly....unwise.

God often communicates His will to us through His material provision. He will open doors to opportunity and/or close them. He will give to us the means to do a thing or cut off our supply for doing it. If you are too overly-determined to follow a particular line, however, if you haven't given God the freedom to completely shut down your pursuit of a PhD if He wishes, you may shoulder open doors that you should have left shut, or run ahead of God's leading into circumstances you should not be in. Nothing good ever comes from doing so. Certainly, God does not bless us when we follow a course He has not made clear we should be in.

I would be very reluctant to give any weight at all to the rather superstitious "signs" you pointed to as potential indications of God's will. If you want to see how God makes His will clear to us, simply look at how He did so in Scripture. What is evident in every instance of God communicating His will to someone in Scripture is that He leaves no doubt as to whether or not He is speaking and no confusion as to what it is He wants a person to do. God used burning bushes, a huge hand writing on a wall, angels, a cloud by day and a pillar of fire at night, a mighty voice speaking from heaven, visions, and so on to make it clear what His will was. God is not going to use easily misread superstitious signs, or gut feelings, or vague, imagined coincidences to let us know what He wants us to do. If Scripture is anything to go by, this is not God's way.

One other thing I would put to you: Do you love the truth and people or just the truth? I find freshly-graduated seminarians to be overflowing with biblical knowledge, eager at every turn to demonstrate that knowledge to others, but having little love for those to whom they want to make these demonstrations. Paul wrote that "knowledge puffs up, but love edifies." What do you think motivates you in your pursuit of a PhD? The desire to edify others in love? Or a desire ultimately to demonstrate your knowledge and be admired for it?

 

[FIRESTORM314]

At 30 you do need some work experience and start tackLing that debt. If you can't get a job now then what will it be like when you have a Phd - more debt and still no work experience. That's more than a gamble - it's reckless.

If you are struggling for a job then why not create your own work. Start your own business. The School of Life is where you learn all you need to know. Have you got what it takes to try for that?

Big Decisions in Life should be thought through thoroughly ( not what I'd like to do but what do I need to do should be your primary concern ) Big Decisions need time spent in prayer. Then choices have to be made.

 

[DamianWarS]

I'm a few months away from my 30th birthday (surreal). Yet I feel like I’m in a life crises. I’m not happy with my life as I am stuck rather than moving forward. Overall, I've been at a crossroads
Lately as 1) I want to do a PhD, 2) I need a job, 3) I want to move out, and 4) I’m looking for a church . Allow me to explain: Last year I graduated from seminary with MDiv yet I haven't been able to find work. However, I'd like to do my PhD. I feel like it's the perfect time to do it as I'm still young, and no wife/kids. However I'm have a 100k loan and still live with my parents. And with not having a job, it has been difficult to consider this next step in my life. M

Nevertheless, I looked into the PhD program and fortunately, annual stipends are given to all students and then some (i.e payment for doing teaching assistants). In other words, they pay you to study so you don't have to! Moreover, an optional 1 year Masters in theology (ThM) program is available to better prepare you for your PhD dissertation. However, the ThM doesn't include a stipend. Plus, I have to learn a new language or 2 in order to even get into the PhD program. It's about 3-5 years, depends on your pace. I definitely wanna do it and finish ASAP.

At the same time, many fears, questions and doubts plague my mind because it's overwhelming..

Will I be able to land a job post PhD ? (I thought of becoming a full time professor). But it’s competitive in terms of finding one as everyone is applying.

Plus I regret not going away to college when I was 18, as I probably would have gained more independence. But back then, I barely graduated high school and was on academic probation in my freshman year of college. I know I can’t change the past but again, I would’ve moved away. I’m just extremely restless in moving out at this point but with no job, I’m stuck….

Since being unemployed, I’ve had a myriad of job rejections, bad new job experiences that ended quickly, and cold feet when some opportunities were presented. I tend to have this fear of failure and inferiority.That aside, my health has been rocky this year so I haven't been able to do much for a time but I’m back now.


I also wish I had cultivated more job experience as mine’s is minimal. Should’ve divided my time between work/school rather than just focus on school. I feel like an idiot for not doing so. Such a pain to land a job!

So why the PhD?
I definitely would love to teach within a seminary but also in the church. I would also love to teach/preach within a church, bridging the gap between church and seminary. Church needs proper discipleship in the Word of God and theology in their walks in Christ. Majority of the time, people are biblically illiterate and theologically deficient as most of today’s preachers water down the message. And it is my burning desire, to equip those wanting to enter ministry and those in the congregation.

I have come to enjoy teaching with the experiences I amassed throughout the years such as Sunday school, small groups, and ESL. Plus with comments about how I can teach. It’s no doubt that it’s a gift that God has provided. I also see it in preaching as well.
It's crazy as to how many confirmations I've had since January about the school I would like to attend. For instance, seeing the name of the school everywhere from stickers to cars, books , papers, and so forth. But then again, perhaps it’s just me as it was a fervent desire. Sometimes our own minds play tricks on us. I haven’t had confirmations lately as opposed to earlier this year. But again, no job. Things just seem out of reach.

Despite my desire for PhD, it has also been a burden/thorn in my side as I still need to make money. It definitely takes my focus off everything else. For instance, I could be doing other things now and make money but if I go back to school next year, I would be limited in doing so. On the flip side, I wouldn’t know what to do with my life if I don’t do it. It’s difficult finding a job as it is and I’m sick and tired of sitting around… Plus it’s best to do it while you’re young as you can start your career sooner. But I still wanna move out. Nevertheless, I’m between a rock and a hard place. No matter what I try to do, I always find myself back to square one.


Church
Lastly, I’m seeking a church. Been becoming reformed but with a continuationist perspective. However, it's been hard as mainly continuationists lean towards extreme charismatic which I do not affiliate myself with. And many reformed churches are cessationists. I’d also appreciate a church that does expository preaching! Been in churches where the Word is not preach, defaulting to bad theology/falsehood instead. Not only would I want to congregate but I would want to cultivate ministry experience such as teaching/preaching. But that too has been difficult to find. Again, I’m between a rock and a hard place.

Questions to consider

• If you got a PhD and how'd you handle it ?(especially if you were in the same situation as me)
  Or if you know someone with a PhD , how’d they handle it?

• If you were in my shoes, what would you do and why? I’d appreciate the input. Even if you didn’t get a PhD

• Can you please keep me in prayer regarding all this? I have been restless for quite some time.

It’s not been an easy journey for me. I do not like being stuck when everyone else is seemingly ahead of me. As if I lack the capacity to carry things out or to get anywhere in life. I feel like I've been in this rut since last year and I would hate if I’m in the same place next year. I’m trying to be as positive/optimistic as possible. But some days (like today) I’m discouraged. Such is my life at the moment.. I’m lost.

A lot to chew on here. But thanks to those who read and respond to this post. God bless you.

so you're 29 going on 30... did you consider these questions might be triggered by this event in your life? It's healthy to evaluate your life and there are seasons when these questions seem more pressing than other times but my advice to you is don't pay attention to the timeline and take things in stride.

So you want a Phd but live with your parents and don't have a job... and you are looking for a church. Well answer the church question first as it would seem to be the easiest and arguably the most important. if you want a Phd there is a long road ahead especially if you have a difficult time with academics. But you also want to move out and get a job. May I suggest to you those are two problems that you probably shouldn't tackle together. Moving out and getting a job will take away time and money, both needed for a Phd. staying at home and having less of a need to work will save you time and money which will be more favourable for a Phd.

I would suggest to you to sit down with your parents and talk about your life plan with them to see what they recommend, then listen to them because their advice is probably more important to pay attention to. If they are willing and you plan to stay with them then maybe it's the right time to seek your Phd. If you plan to leave then seek a job to ensure you can leave responsibly and maybe table the Phd right now. Independence is a western phenomenon, while the rest of the world is not so desperate to part from their family in the same ways. don't ignore the support in front of you but also don't take advantage of it.

 

[setst777]

@biblicalbro

It does sound like you're in a crisis. Since you came here looking for advice I'll give you my honest advice. First, you should realize that I'm a huge proponent of getting educated. I have three college degrees myself, and if my employers would reimburse me for tuition I'd be working on my fourth.

That said, you're almost 30; you're living with your parents; you have no job; you owe $100K; you probably don't have any insurance. Imo, you should not be looking to prolong this situation (which you'd be doing if you went for the PhD). I believe your first priority should be to gain independence. Don't let your previous bad decisions dictate that you make more bad decisions. Heading down the PhD track would probably set you back several more years.

My advice therefore is to get a job NOW. Move out of your parents' home. Start paying off some of that $100K debt. Once you're established as a self-sustaining independent person, only then (if at all) should you consider the PhD.

This sounds like really good advice from someone who has been there.

 

[BlessedVegan]

I don’t know about this from the perspective of your type of degree, but i know about it from a general perspective. Get a job. Getting a PhD won’t make it easier for you to get a job! Get a job doing whatever you can do to start paying your loans, and move out as soon as you can. I’m sure you can get a repayment program based on income so your payment is manageable. You need to learn to be independent. A couple close friends have been through this, more and more education doesn’t make it easier. Do whatever you can to start some sort of missionary or preaching, there have been several good examples here.

 

[FIRESTORM314]

This sounds like really good advice from someone who has been there.

I suggest you put some clothes on

 

[FIRESTORM314]

I don’t know about this from the perspective of your type of degree, but i know about it from a general perspective. Get a job. Getting a PhD won’t make it easier for you to get a job! Get a job doing whatever you can do to start paying your loans, and move out as soon as you can. I’m sure you can get a repayment program based on income so your payment is manageable. You need to learn to be independent. A couple close friends have been through this, more and more education doesn’t make it easier. Do whatever you can to start some sort of missionary or preaching, there have been several good examples here.

I agree plus if you are going to preach then you are going to run into trouble if you have little experience of the problems people are facing. Theology is good for preaching the basics of the gospel but when you start venturing into "working out your Faith" in real life then you are going to run into trouble as you have non yourself. In this case of the Christian life - it's a case of the blind leading the blind. I've seen many a preacher totally out of their depth on daily living issues giving advice and instruction that just don't work in real life. Theory good but in practice ?

 

[biblicalbro]

Thanks for the responses. I definitely agree that it's a lot on my plate that would prove difficult if tackled all at once, especially jobless.

I believe that I will focus on work/study that way I can save up for a place to live later on. That would allow time for saving rather than try live paycheck to paycheck. However, I leave it in God's hands so things are subject to change. Moreover, there are other paths I wouldn't mind pursuing.

Plus, serving in a Church I'm planted in will cultivate experience and put things into practice.

To end on a bright note, I have been taking driving lessons since last month and I'm scheduled for my road test next week!!! The next step, get a car and soon, Lord willing. It's been a rough season yet this experience has been therapeutic as a new and useful skill is cultivated. The journey ahead is long, but at least this is a step forward. And by God's grace He'll see me through for His glory. Because this... all of this is for Him. As George Whitefield said, "may my name perish so that Christ's name be exalted".

 

[FIRESTORM314]

It's good to see you think this through - I hope you didn't see my posts as negative. My intentions where to add other other aspects so you can make a better decision.

I did know a guy who at 35 decided to do a Theology degree. He lived in a block of flats on the third floor of a poor area. He was single, He had little in the way of education, no savings, no career, no pension but decided to go for it. He was a new christian. At age 35 he gave the first 5 years of his work to God. Now that is Faith !. Last time I saw him he had a pretty wife, nice house, etc. He was working as a religious education teacher in a school. God had rewarded him for his faith.

 

[biblicalbro]

It's good to see you think this through - I hope you didn't see my posts as negative. My intentions where to add other other aspects so you can make a better decision.

I did know a guy who at 35 decided to do a Theology degree. He lived in a block of flats on the third floor of a poor area. He was single, He had little in the way of education, no savings, no career, no pension but decided to go for it. He was a new christian. At age 35 he gave the first 5 years of his work to God. Now that is Faith !. Last time I saw him he had a pretty wife, nice house, etc. He was working as a religious education teacher in a school. God had rewarded him for his faith.

Not at all. I appreciate your input based on your knowledge of someone with a similar story. That is definitely faith! It is exactly how it's being seen as for me. There's this path ahead but you don't know where your going and how you're getting there. Kinda like Abraham.

That story is definitely inspiring, I wonder how it was managed while keeping his sanity in check haha. It would be awesome to hear if you knew anything else.

 

[biblicalbro]

Hey all, just an update. I am hoping to start a new job soon, had to do a drug test and fingerprints. Then I have an orientation to attend later this week and if all goes well, I will receive paid training so I can begin. As in my original post, you can sense the frustration and it's still there but this time I have hope. I refuse to close out the year like this! I will have a job! I will move forward! For God enables us to press on despite the circumstances. In fact, He shapes us through them. That is something that has become more evident in my life in this year alone.