A
Avidan
Guest
My wife (Alesha) and I met at a rave (an all night party) in the summer of 2000. She had three herniated discs in her lower back. I made her move in with me so I could take care of her, because no one else would.
She took at least two extra strength vicodin a day for the pain, and tranquilizers at night. We spent at least twenty to forty dollars a week on marijuana because that helped with the pain more than anything else, and it was cheaper. I had to care for her personal needs because she was in such pain. She couldnt even be touched with out screaming sometimes because the sciatic nerve was being pinched. Her hips were out of place and she couldnt walk with out looking like Egor. The handicap bus would pick her up when she needed to go to a doctors appointment if I couldnt take her.
Along with all of this, she had a horrendous childhood. The man that was convicted for raping, murdering and sodomizing her baby step sister was being let off of death row because of a loophole in the justice system. The trial that convicted him took over five years, so they had to let him go at least that was the explanation that I understood, though I still dont understand it. It was on the news and in the papers if you want to look it up.
I was developing a dependency on illegal drugs and alcohol and I couldnt quit smoking. I was twenty-one and she was twenty years old at this time, just kids. I was talked into doing LSD, did it one to many times, and had a hell trip. Hell is a scary and insane place, I could hear the demons and feel their voices speak to me. I cant describe the fear. From that point on I was dead. No life, no joy, no peace. Insanity, my worst fear. Fear of the unknown, and what the doctors called agitated depression and psychosis. Where thoughts and emotions overtake a man to where choice is no longer a freedom.
And some of you religious folk may not believe that, but Im telling you, it can get really bad. Where people cut themselves and hurt themselves because it feels blissful compared to everything else. Where the only way they understand how to let the evil out of their body is to let the blood out. To finally have a feeling of relief, to feel a sensation from the real world, instead of the world theyre in.
I told God that if he didnt want me to die, then He needed to give me a purpose. How can a man live if he has no purpose? So He did, He told me, son Love your God. So thats what I did, it was simple, it wasnt become an architect, or do well in school, or try harder, your just not trying hard enough. He made sure that I understood, Son, forget everything and just try loving Me to the best of your ability.
By this time I could no longer take care of Alesha, I could barely stay alive myself. I heard a church singing across the street from where we lived, found out later when the services were, and went... I told Alesha, Im getting right with God, you will either come with me or you wont. She came.
I took the alter call that night to get my life right with God.
It was the best night of my life, in a moment God gave me power over the drugs, alcohol and cigarettes.
He gave me the power to choose!!! Something that I did not have until that night, power over those particular things.
To this day, if someone asks me if I want a smoke or a drink or hit, I have the power to tell them no, not of my own ability, but because of Gods help and Spirit, its not a fight or some hard decision, I can just do it, its a Gift.
Then around two weeks later the guest speaker had an alter call for people who needed to be healed. Alesha went up He prayed for her, he hit her back and told her to be healed. She came back to him moments later and told him that she still hurt he said, no, you dont. In that instant her back was healed,
she had some pain in the week to follow, but we just kept on trusting in Gods Grace. She hasnt had a problem since.
The doctors said that if she was to ever get pregnant that she would be bed ridden for the whole nine months. The speaker encouraged us to be good, he knew that we were living in the same house still. Alesha and I still slept in the same bed, but we didnt sleep with each other.
About a month later we got married, and two weeks after that our daughter Michaela was conceived. Alesha never had a problem with her back.
God also delivered her from drugs and cigarettes during those
first two weeks.
Now I just do my best to have a relationship with God. I talk to Him, I let Him know how my day is going, I confide in Him about my problems and secerets, I write Him letters and sing Him songs. I draw Him pictures and give Him gifts. In love, not fear.
The more I get to know Him, the more I know when He is speaking to me, to someone else, or if its not Him speaking at all.
My God is the One who saved my life, the One who healed my wifes back, the One who delivered me from drugs and alcohol, the One who moved my foot to the brake petal and slammed it down to keep me from getting killed by a semi truck that ran a red light, the One who turns my head at the right moment when I am driving to keep me from running into a mail box or a basketball hoop, the One who still loves me even after I tore up a Bible and threw it in His face.. cussing at Him because I couldnt do what it asked, telling Him, "If that's You forcing me to do things I don't have the power to do, if that is God, I don't want anything to do with you" this was all after I was saved .
My God is the One that bought me a new Bible and read this to me the first time I opened it on September 8th 2003:
Son, I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Dont be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand- I am the Lord your God. And I say to you,
Do not be afraid, for I will help you. I am the Lord, your Redeemer. I am the Holy One of Israel. You will be a new threshing instrument with many sharp teeth.
You will tear all your enemies apart, making chaff of mountains. You will toss them in the air, and the wind will blow them all away; a whirlwind will scatter them. And the Joy of the Lord will fill you to overflowing.
The Lord who created you says: Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
But now listen to me, My son, my servant, my chosen on, I say do not be afraid, I will give you abundant water to quench your thirst and to moisten you parched fields.
Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
Pay attention, for you are my servant. I, the Lord, made you and I will not forget to help you. I am the Lord, who made all things. I alone stretched out the heavens. By myself I made the earth and everything in it.
I am the one who exposes the false prophets as liars by causing events to happen that are contrary to their predictions. But I carry out the predictions of my prophets. Be strong, and do not fear, for your God is coming to destroy your enemies. He is coming to save you. Look, Help is on the way!
My God is the One who helps me use my pain as my ally, to help others. And He is my Dad, my Love. All of what He told me is from Isaiah, but it came to me in chunks, that made a full statement. And no one can take that away from me.
P.S. Go to my profile and listen to the songs on my webpage, they're kinda cool too.
She took at least two extra strength vicodin a day for the pain, and tranquilizers at night. We spent at least twenty to forty dollars a week on marijuana because that helped with the pain more than anything else, and it was cheaper. I had to care for her personal needs because she was in such pain. She couldnt even be touched with out screaming sometimes because the sciatic nerve was being pinched. Her hips were out of place and she couldnt walk with out looking like Egor. The handicap bus would pick her up when she needed to go to a doctors appointment if I couldnt take her.
Along with all of this, she had a horrendous childhood. The man that was convicted for raping, murdering and sodomizing her baby step sister was being let off of death row because of a loophole in the justice system. The trial that convicted him took over five years, so they had to let him go at least that was the explanation that I understood, though I still dont understand it. It was on the news and in the papers if you want to look it up.
I was developing a dependency on illegal drugs and alcohol and I couldnt quit smoking. I was twenty-one and she was twenty years old at this time, just kids. I was talked into doing LSD, did it one to many times, and had a hell trip. Hell is a scary and insane place, I could hear the demons and feel their voices speak to me. I cant describe the fear. From that point on I was dead. No life, no joy, no peace. Insanity, my worst fear. Fear of the unknown, and what the doctors called agitated depression and psychosis. Where thoughts and emotions overtake a man to where choice is no longer a freedom.
And some of you religious folk may not believe that, but Im telling you, it can get really bad. Where people cut themselves and hurt themselves because it feels blissful compared to everything else. Where the only way they understand how to let the evil out of their body is to let the blood out. To finally have a feeling of relief, to feel a sensation from the real world, instead of the world theyre in.
I told God that if he didnt want me to die, then He needed to give me a purpose. How can a man live if he has no purpose? So He did, He told me, son Love your God. So thats what I did, it was simple, it wasnt become an architect, or do well in school, or try harder, your just not trying hard enough. He made sure that I understood, Son, forget everything and just try loving Me to the best of your ability.
By this time I could no longer take care of Alesha, I could barely stay alive myself. I heard a church singing across the street from where we lived, found out later when the services were, and went... I told Alesha, Im getting right with God, you will either come with me or you wont. She came.
I took the alter call that night to get my life right with God.
It was the best night of my life, in a moment God gave me power over the drugs, alcohol and cigarettes.
He gave me the power to choose!!! Something that I did not have until that night, power over those particular things.
To this day, if someone asks me if I want a smoke or a drink or hit, I have the power to tell them no, not of my own ability, but because of Gods help and Spirit, its not a fight or some hard decision, I can just do it, its a Gift.
Then around two weeks later the guest speaker had an alter call for people who needed to be healed. Alesha went up He prayed for her, he hit her back and told her to be healed. She came back to him moments later and told him that she still hurt he said, no, you dont. In that instant her back was healed,
she had some pain in the week to follow, but we just kept on trusting in Gods Grace. She hasnt had a problem since.
The doctors said that if she was to ever get pregnant that she would be bed ridden for the whole nine months. The speaker encouraged us to be good, he knew that we were living in the same house still. Alesha and I still slept in the same bed, but we didnt sleep with each other.
About a month later we got married, and two weeks after that our daughter Michaela was conceived. Alesha never had a problem with her back.
God also delivered her from drugs and cigarettes during those
first two weeks.
Now I just do my best to have a relationship with God. I talk to Him, I let Him know how my day is going, I confide in Him about my problems and secerets, I write Him letters and sing Him songs. I draw Him pictures and give Him gifts. In love, not fear.
The more I get to know Him, the more I know when He is speaking to me, to someone else, or if its not Him speaking at all.
My God is the One who saved my life, the One who healed my wifes back, the One who delivered me from drugs and alcohol, the One who moved my foot to the brake petal and slammed it down to keep me from getting killed by a semi truck that ran a red light, the One who turns my head at the right moment when I am driving to keep me from running into a mail box or a basketball hoop, the One who still loves me even after I tore up a Bible and threw it in His face.. cussing at Him because I couldnt do what it asked, telling Him, "If that's You forcing me to do things I don't have the power to do, if that is God, I don't want anything to do with you" this was all after I was saved .
My God is the One that bought me a new Bible and read this to me the first time I opened it on September 8th 2003:
Son, I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Dont be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand- I am the Lord your God. And I say to you,
Do not be afraid, for I will help you. I am the Lord, your Redeemer. I am the Holy One of Israel. You will be a new threshing instrument with many sharp teeth.
You will tear all your enemies apart, making chaff of mountains. You will toss them in the air, and the wind will blow them all away; a whirlwind will scatter them. And the Joy of the Lord will fill you to overflowing.
The Lord who created you says: Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
But now listen to me, My son, my servant, my chosen on, I say do not be afraid, I will give you abundant water to quench your thirst and to moisten you parched fields.
Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
Pay attention, for you are my servant. I, the Lord, made you and I will not forget to help you. I am the Lord, who made all things. I alone stretched out the heavens. By myself I made the earth and everything in it.
I am the one who exposes the false prophets as liars by causing events to happen that are contrary to their predictions. But I carry out the predictions of my prophets. Be strong, and do not fear, for your God is coming to destroy your enemies. He is coming to save you. Look, Help is on the way!
My God is the One who helps me use my pain as my ally, to help others. And He is my Dad, my Love. All of what He told me is from Isaiah, but it came to me in chunks, that made a full statement. And no one can take that away from me.
P.S. Go to my profile and listen to the songs on my webpage, they're kinda cool too.
