My In Laws hate me...

[Filia Mariae]

Well last time I checked, it is CRYSTAL'S graduation - CRYSTAL is the one graduatiing form high school, not CKRYSTALANDBEN graduating from high school. CRYSTAL.

Therefore, she jsut needs to say to both her parents and Ben that it is HER day, as in, CRYSTAL'S day and they all need to be on their best behaviour because it is HER day and not theirs to ruin.

Besides, if it was a shotgun 'oh there is a babyw e better get married' wedding, I don't know about the one flesh thing and I don't know if it has to last forever. Besides, Crystal should be loyal to her parents, they are her family and they care aobut her.

You know what Estefana? You need to grow up. Crystal's parents undoubtedly love her and care about her- and so does her husband. She is in a very difficult situation. However, she and Ben have done the honorable thing by commiting to one another and giving their child life. You need to stop degrading her marriage and love for her husband right now just because she and Ben made a mistake. They are married- there is no kind of sub-fullness of marriage. Either you are or you aren't. They are and that means they are forever bound in a sacramental bond. Your degradation of their relationship does not honor or help Crystal but insults her marriage to her husband. Yes, she is being forced to grow up faster than she otherwise might have. Yes, she is in a tough spot and has difficult decisions to make. But you know what, so far she has made the right decisions with the ones she has avaliable to her. Once you are married, your relationship to your husband and children takes priority over all else. If you don't want to support Crystal in her marriage, don't. But don't attack those who do.

Crystal and Ben, I will be praying that you can resolve in a peaceful and satisfactory way for all. Give Emily a kiss for me.

 

[poppinskw]

Crystal, Ben and Emily I am praying that you grow together and grow as a strong family unit, with God as the head of your home.
Emily is blessed to have two parents that love her so much. Most of all she is blessed to be able to see two parents that love each other, that really gives a child a sense of security.

Bless the three of you.

Les

 

[poppinskw]

You know what Estefana? You need to grow up. Crystal's parents undoubtedly love her and care about her- and so does her husband. She is in a very difficult situation. However, she and Ben have done the honorable thing by commiting to one another and giving their child life. You need to stop degrading her marriage and love for her husband right now just because she and Ben made a mistake. They are married- there is no kind of sub-fullness of marriage. Either you are or you aren't. They are and that means they are forever bound in a sacramental bond. Your degradation of their relationship does not honor or help Crystal but insults her marriage to her husband. Yes, she is being forced to grow up faster than she otherwise might have. Yes, she is in a tough spot and has difficult decisions to make. But you know what, so far she has made the right decisions with the ones she has avaliable to her. Once you are married, your relationship to your husband and children takes priority over all else. If you don't want to support Crystal in her marriage, don't. But don't attack those who do.

Crystal and Ben, I will be praying that you can resolve in a peaceful and satisfactory way for all. Give Emily a kiss for me.

Les

 

[Febe]

Crystal, Ben and Emily I am praying that you grow together and grow as a strong family unit, with God as the head of your home.
Emily is blessed to have two parents that love her so much. Most of all she is blessed to be able to see two parents that love each other, that really gives a child a sense of security.

Bless the three of you.

Les

..................................................................................................................

 

[Estefana]

I am not trying to do that, it is jsut that I come from a culture where I have seen many of these 'shotgun' marriages and they don't work, so I am jsut worried and don't want it to permanantly damage Crystal's relationship with her parents.

 

[Annabel Lee]

I am not trying to do that, it is jsut that I come from a culture where I have seen many of these 'shotgun' marriages and they don't work, so I am jsut worried and don't want it to permanantly damage Crystal's relationship with her parents.

I don't think there was a shotgun involved in Ben and Crystal's marriage.

 

[poppinskw]

I am not trying to do that, it is jsut that I come from a culture where I have seen many of these 'shotgun' marriages and they don't work, so I am jsut worried and don't want it to permanantly damage Crystal's relationship with her parents.

A couples private lives and their marriage is between them and God. It is so disrepectful of you to call it a shotgun marriage...meaning that they were forced into it.
I dont know either of this couple, but what I have read of them and from them, I see a couple that love each other and love their child, they took their responsibility to raise their child in a family with two parents. They are to be encouraged and supported and loved for their commitment to each other and to God.

Marriage is entered into with the intention of until death do we part.... I refuse to speak negative into anyones marriage....

Estefana please dont speak about Christian marriage this way when you have no idea about what it even is.

Les

 

[nyj]

I am not trying to do that, it is jsut that I come from a culture where I have seen many of these 'shotgun' marriages and they don't work, so I am jsut worried and don't want it to permanantly damage Crystal's relationship with her parents.

In my culture, we have a phrase which goes like this: Quit while you're ahead. You're already far, far behind. I'd stop now if I were you.

 

[Estefana]

I am not trying to say that, I am trying to say that I don't want to see Crystal at the pont where she has to choose and then might find her marriage doesn't work out and has nor elationship with her parents. There needs to be a way where she can have her relationship with both Ben and her parents without having to choose and feel forced to have her loyalties one way.

It is part of the reason I am glad I am not able to keep my pregnancy because I know I'd probably be forced into a marriage too when I don't want that. Hell, even Blue Impulse on this board basically said I need to shut my mouth about what I want and suck it up and marry him, even if I dont want it. I hope Crystal wasn't forced and I hope she doesn't feel like she has lost her parents or her youth. Just as someone her age, I am worried.

It is very easy for people much older to tell her to basically tell her parents off and do whatever her husband wants. But as someone her age, I think, you know, you are still a girl who needs her Mother and Father.

 

[poppinskw]

Estefana, you are not worried... you are stirring. You have no idea what is right or wrong, you have no idea of anything except pleasing yourself.

How dare anyone presume to know what the thoughts, feelings and commitment of another is.... dont judge others lives and faith and commitment Estefana by your own immaturity.

I was married not much older than Chrystal was, I knew that it took commitment and it took love and giving and taking to make my marriage grow and strong.... that was 37 years ago.

I hope that one day you will grow up and you will then understand what people here have been saying..
Dont speak negative things into anothers Marriage or family...remember that God has joined these two people and made them a family..

Marriage,as instituted by God, is a faithful, exclusive, lifelong union of a man and a woman joined in an intimate community of life and love. They commit themselves completely to each other and to the wondrous responsibility of bringing children intothe world and caring for them. The call to marriage is woven deeply into the human spirit. Man and woman are equal. However, as created, they are different from but made for each other. This complementarity, including sexual difference, draws them together in a mutually loving union that should be always open to the procreation of children (see Catechism of the Catholic Church [CCC], nos. 1602-1605).


These truths about marriageare present in the order ofnature and can be perceived by the light of human reason. They have been confirmed by divine Revelation in Sacred Scripture.

Les

 

[Estefana]

No, I am worried that some of thise advice is going to turn Crystal on her parents because that is what some people are absically telling her to do.

 

[Ann M]

From memory, Crystal & Ben were talking marriage long before Emily was even conceived.

Estefana, whilst your fears and concerns are very real, you need to acknowledge that Crystal is not in your position. She wanted to marry Ben, where you seem to be the complete opposite.

And whilst your comment about keeping good with the parents is a fair comment, it must also be acknowledged that parents who do force their children to choose between themselves and their partners, often end up hurt because they find themselves separated from them by their own actions. A child is to be love, and nutured, and when the time comes, should be free to leave the nest.

Or as the saying goes "If you love it let it go. If it returns to you cherish it, if not it was never truly yours.”

 

[Ann M]

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”Morrie Schwartz

 

[Ann M]

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”Friedrich Nietzsche

 

[Globalnomad]

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”Friedrich Nietzsche

Hey - that was illuminating! I knew Nietsche as one of the great destroyers of Western philosophy, but I did not know he had also written the germ of today's relativism. I thought that had come later. Thanks!

What an evil sentence. Like so much else about Nietsche.

 

[Globalnomad]

Estefana, a remark and a piece of friendly advice.

Remark: it is not so easy to destroy one's relationship with one's parents. This kind of thing would never do it, unless the child WANTS it to, and never tryies to mend fences with the parents afterwards. So your concern on this point is totally unfounded.

Advice: you still have a huge lot to learn about adult love (for spouse AND for family) . Seriously, Estefana, the views you have expressed here are immature and, sorry if I put it bluntly, childishly self-centered. You still think only in terms of the individual and her rights. OK, you see those rights being undervalued in your society, and you are trying to uphold them - but you are seriously overdoing it. You are seriously underemphasising the moral imperative to "love others AS MUCH AS you love yourself."

Once again: I recognize your thinking and I sympathize with it very much, because I thought just like you, once upon a time - but believe me, I have come a long way since then, and I think you will, too. In the meantime, please stop being so darn sure about yourself. Express your opinions with a little less certitude and a few more question marks here and there. You are NOT yet qualified to express certainties and give advice on this delicate and adult matter.

 

[Teshi]

There needs to be a way where she can have her relationship with both Ben and her parents without having to choose and feel forced to have her loyalties one way.

Yes. This way:

Everyone goes to the graduation dinner.

Crystal, in no uncertain terms tells parents "Insult my husband and Ben, I and the baby will leave the restuarant."

And then do it.

Annabel's advice is ideal. In this scenario, everyone is responsible for their own behavior, and should things begin to go south, the situation is cut off before anyone has a chance to say things which will increase the acrimony. It is the responsible course and the emotionally mature course. It protects the baby from having to be around that kind of sniping, it protects Ben from being forced to choose between standing up for himself and making nice with his spouse's parents, and it protects Crystal's parents from having their negative behavior patterns reinforced. It also protects Crystal from having to be around that kind of stress.

Committing to not only a relationship, but a positive relationship, with both one's significant other and one's parents, requires that one behaves in a level-headed way that takes into account the persepectives of others, not just the needs of oneself.

 

[Estefana]

Before I leave, what is so evil about pointing out that it is Crystal's day? Because it is - she is the one who worked really hard to graduate high school and she should be honored on her day for it.

You shouldn't be choosing a boyfrined at 18, you shouod be choosing your parents. Parents are so important, and maybe this is me being Mexican, btu I think the loyalities need to be with the parents.

 

[Teshi]

You shouldn't be choosing a boyfrined at 18, you shouod be choosing your parents. Parents are so important, and maybe this is me being Mexican, btu I think the loyalities need to be with the parents.

Not her daughter?

This is what it comes down to. When you have a child your responsibility is to that child. Children deserve good relationships with as much of their family as possible, and should not be exposed to undue squabbling.

Ben is not her "boyfriend." He is her husband, and the father of her child. The child should not hear her grandparents putting down her father. It's as simple as that.

 

[Atomagenesis]

I think you should move away from them; it is not good to be in that type of situation. Christ says that those who follow him will be against father and mother, brother and sister. It is just the nature of being Catholic, people are going to hate your guts. St. Paul tells us to avoid those people if they will no hear the gospel, and that, in my opinion, is what you need to do by moving away. I also think it is important to note that you still may not officially be married in the eyes of the church:

Question 6- If Catholics Marry Outside the Church, is the Marriage Valid?

Dear Mr. Sungenis,

I have been waiting for an answer to my question. I know that you are very busy but I was hoping you could answer this for me even if you do not post this.

This is what I wrote previously:

Why is it that a baptized Catholic who marries outside the Catholic Church is not validly married? Or is it a valid but an illicit marriage since they are breaking one of their obligations as a Catholic? I am confused because meanwhile marriages between two baptized protestants is considered valid. Why? What actually makes a marriage valid for Catholics? Is it the presence of the priest? I don't think so because he only witnesses the marriage. What is the form and matter of the Sacrament of Marriage? I thought the form consists in the words and the matter in the couple. If this is so and both are present even if it is not in a church building or in front of a priest then why is it still invalid?

Thank You, Mary

R. Sungenis: Mary, if one claims to be a Catholic, then that person must follow the laws of marriage as stipulated in Canon Law. If not, then Canon Law declares the marriage invalid. Canon Law does not apply to non-Catholics, for it has no authority over them.

Second, if by "outside the Catholic Church" you mean that a marriage is not valid if it is celebrated in another place, then that is a wrong interpretation. Canon Law 1118, 2-3 allows the marriage ceremony to be conducted at another "suitable place," as long as permission is granted.

If by "outside the Catholic Church" you are referring to a Catholic who marries someone who is not a Catholic, then in that case, unless he first gets permission from the bishop, then such a marriage is prohibited (Canon Law 1124). The bishop can only grant permission if certain conditions are met (Canon Laws 1125, 1, 2, 3). If these procedures are not followed, and the Catholic still "marries" the non-Catholic, then according to Canon Law, the marriage is invalid. The act was illicit, and the marriage is invalid. site: www.catholicintl.com

So, Ben, I exhort you to strive for holiness and examine your situation in wisdom.