My In Laws hate me...

[BjBarnett]

..... But its cool jk


actually its not cool because Crystal likes her family and wants to spend time with them. I on the other hand dont want to spend anytime with them and if it were not for Crystal I wouldnt want them to influence by child what-so-ever. They have pretty much consistantly said bad things about me since ive been hanging around crystal and now that we are married it has gotten WORSE!! in fact just the other day her mom said something so bad that as a parent it was probably the most insulting thing ill ever hear (and ive been called a mary worshipper a time or too ). After the last comments ive cut my ties with them. I refuse to be around them at all. Am I right in doing that? Im afraid that if they would say something like they said about me the other day that they will say stuff to emily about me when she gets old enough to understand. Mores specifically they are going to have issues with Emily explorering her Catholicness and its really untelling what they may tell her about that. Should I cut all ties and express my feelings in kinda protest? Crystal doesnt seem to want to talk to them about it and wants to avoid the situation entirely. Just looking for advice for some really low down in laws. Anything would be appreciated.

 

[lonnienord]

do not cut ties!!
Pray for them!!
Pray for strength
PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
keep Praying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


10 years from now when everyone is Catholic (their anti-catholicism could well be the beginging of their struggle and eventual conversion) you will be glad you allowed GOD to use you to bring them to HIM and HIS church!!

did i mention Prayer????
They need your prayers
and your example of love.

Your daughter will see them if you are there or not -- better you be there. and your daughter will be fine, if you keep praying!!

 

[holyorders]

do not cut ties!!
Pray for them!!
Pray for strength
PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
keep Praying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


10 years from now when everyone is Catholic (their anti-catholicism could well be the beginging of their struggle and eventual conversion) you will be glad you allowed GOD to use you to bring them to HIM and HIS church!!

did i mention Prayer????
They need your prayers
and your example of love.

Your daughter will see them if you are there or not -- better you be there. and your daughter will be fine, if you keep praying!!

Good advice Lonnie!!


Just show them as much compassion and charity that you can muster. Be overly charitable......... you know, like how St. Paul talks about pooring hot coals on someone's head! Really though. There is no defense against Christian charity, they'll be confused and bewildered.

 

[geocajun]

I had some rough run ins with my in-laws at first too, but I couldn't have asked for better grand parents for my kids, and now my in-laws and I get along great.
I don't know what they said, but as a general rule, I wouldn't want to put my wife in this situation with her parents unless I had exhausted all other means of getting along with them, including talking to them about it directly and letting them know the consequences of their actions.

 

[boughtwithaprice]

As the parent of a beautiful young daughter, I can understand why they are upset. You took their daughter away from them much earlier than they expected. I think that you should have a more repentant attitude toward them, and try to figure out how you can mend ties with them, rather than demanding that they treat you with respect.

Telling a daughter that you are going to cut off ties with her family is not the recipe for a long happy marriage either.

Are they being hurtful? Yes, but you have to be humble and take it for the good of your wife. When they see that you really are not a bad man and want what is best for everyone, they may come around, but you are in no position at this time to take the moral high ground. This situation requires humility and prayer.

I have been married for 14yrs and I am finally gaining the respect of my in-laws. It can be done.

 

[AdJesumPerMariam]

Maybe they don't "hate" you, but they are disappointed that their plans for their daughter didn't go the way they wanted. It is very hard to let a child go at any age. My daughter married young, and now has 4 children & one on the way. 2 yrs ago her husband & her divorced, and she has since remarried, & not only a new husband, but a new baby. Her husband now & I just can't seem to get along...but I'm trying. I have realized that the spouses of my children were not my choice for them. , but would anyone have been good enough? Probably not.

Keep trying, pray, pray, pray! Try to show them love, and eventually, its love you'll get back. make sure they know how much you love their daughter!!!!

Remember, you now have a daughter, and you will be the man in her life, until...............

 

[ufonium2]

I guess I'm the anomoly in that I really don't care if my in-laws hate me, which they do. But I've got the advantage of living hundreds of miles from them, and never (ever) seeing them. Plus they're pretty much disinterested in their son's life, and have been for years, so he doesn't care either. Your situation is trickier, since you live right in amongst them, but that doesn't have to be permanent, either. My point is, even if Crystal and her parents have a huge falling out over you (which happened between my dad and his folks over my mom) or your in-laws just keep on this course until you can't stand it any more, move away, and rarely (or never ) see them, it's not the end of the world. I knew before I got married that my in-laws would hate me, and that my parents would most likely be Aaron's only grandparents. But having really known only one set of grandparents myself (because of the fallout between Dad and his folks) and having a mother who lived a wonderful life despite the fact that her in-laws hated her guts, I really didn't give it much thought. I love my husband, and he can't help who his parents are. My parents recognize their role as only grandparents Aaron will know, and are in super-grandparent mode because of it.

So anyway, I guess my point is that you'll be happier if you work on your own house, and your young family, and let your in-laws get over themselves (or not) on their own. Once they realize you're not concerned about what they think, it might just make them realize they're not as powerful as they thought, and start treating you like the adult you are.

 

[IamGideon]

Return every curse with a blessing each bit of hatred or bitterness or each curse reply to it with a blessing and with love.

 

[Quijote]

do not cut ties!!
Pray for them!!
Pray for strength
PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
keep Praying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


10 years from now when everyone is Catholic (their anti-catholicism could well be the beginging of their struggle and eventual conversion) you will be glad you allowed GOD to use you to bring them to HIM and HIS church!!

did i mention Prayer????
They need your prayers
and your example of love.

Your daughter will see them if you are there or not -- better you be there. and your daughter will be fine, if you keep praying!!

What he said.

 

[She]

My advice to the young man who posted the original post in this thread is:
Try to keep your distance. Do not let these people influence you or cause you to become bitter. You may not win the battle. You may not convert them. You may end up like me. I lost my faith because of my father-in-law. I did not influence him, he influenced me. And the worst thing to come out of all this was the loss of my faith. From the very beginning he would laugh at me whenever I went to Church. I was an impressionable young person and this "man" (for want of a better word) laughed at my Catholic faith. I had to put up with him laughing at me and belittling me for years and years. I ended up hating him. I've got over it a bit now since I managed to move out of his house two years ago.

 

[Epiphanygirl]

Never ever make a spouse choose between parents and spouse........it ends up bad bad............This has to be crystals to handle. I agree what what everyone else siad about prayer. Pray for those that offend you, pray for those that offend the Church. Most of all, pray for your marriage, that it remain strong through all of this.

 

[bostonlass]

Oh and never EVER talk about how you REALLY feel about your inlaws on a cordless phone when there's a baby monitor in the house and when ALL 35 of your spouse's family are outside with the baby monitor receiver.....why you ask?.....because they can hear every single solitary thing you say on that phone!!!!!!!!

 

[BjBarnett]

well i dont want crystal to have to choose i just dont want to be around them lol. is that to much to ask!? lol but seriously im really afraid of what they will say to emily when she gets older. i mean her mom said that I didnt even want my child! are they going to tell her that her daddy doesnt want her and wont take care of her? Did I mention that I have beer in my refrigrator because im Catholic? (lol ok that one is kinda funny ) its just something all the time with them. they are constantly putting down me or crystal its actually kinda abusive. i will pray for them and try to get along but i refuse to be verbally abused and just stand there and take it. eventually ill be standing really far away

 

[BjBarnett]

As the parent of a beautiful young daughter, I can understand why they are upset. You took their daughter away from them much earlier than they expected. I think that you should have a more repentant attitude toward them, and try to figure out how you can mend ties with them, rather than demanding that they treat you with respect.

9 times out of 10 i agree with you on that. BUT they have always been like this toward me it really has nothing to do with us getting married early. besides no one deserves to have someone tell them that they dont want there own child and wont take care of her. but like i said i agree with you i just dont think its the case here..

 

[BillH]

well i dont want crystal to have to choose i just dont want to be around them lol. is that to much to ask!? lol but seriously im really afraid of what they will say to emily when she gets older. i mean her mom said that I didnt even want my child! are they going to tell her that her daddy doesnt want her and wont take care of her? Did I mention that I have beer in my refrigrator because im Catholic? (lol ok that one is kinda funny ) its just something all the time with them. they are constantly putting down me or crystal its actually kinda abusive. i will pray for them and try to get along but i refuse to be verbally abused and just stand there and take it. eventually ill be standing really far away

I don't think that you have to take it. There's nothing wrong whatsoever with verbally defending yourself.

But, if you were to break off all contact with them now, would they be more or less likely to say positive things about you five years in the future?

 

[BjBarnett]

I don't think that you have to take it. There's nothing wrong whatsoever with verbally defending yourself.

But, if you were to break off all contact with them now, would they be more or less likely to say positive things about you five years in the future?

more likly because then they wont know that ive had emily baptised! lol jk

i dont think crystal wants me to defend myself. she really is the kind of person to just let it go and im not haha. so thats kinda my reasoning behind just avoiding them because that way theres no comfrontation which would upset crystal and i dont have to put up with them.

this all may be a moot(sp?) when emily is baptised because i believe they will avoid me lol....

btw thanks for all the replys guys i appreciate them

 

[BjBarnett]

im going to seek the advice of my priest this weekend on how to handle the situation because all of there hateful comments and such will just end up driving a wedge between me and crystal. im afraid we will fight over what they say so im really concerned about that and hopefully when i explain it to father patrick face to face he will be able to offer some really good advice. theres a lot more to this story than i can type heh

 

[WarriorAngel]

AHhhhhhhhhhh, Out Laws...thats what we are.

My hubby's from a 'Christian' family who WAS anti Catholic. The more they saw I wasnt into anything weird, the more they came around...MOSTLY!

A few dents here and there. BUT now they defend Catholicism...they just are NOT Catholic.

Hey, I pushed them back to church, any church they believed. [father in law is still stubborn tho] and eventually they might come around to Catholicism.

Been married 13 years, knew him since Nov 91.

Either way, they are less anti Catholic.

Peace!

 

[BjBarnett]

im sure crystal will come and post her view on the matter. Im trying not to run over crystal to get to them though. She doesnt want to say anything to them about stuff like that because of the backlash of nagging (understandably so). Her mom tends to take all of her frustrations out of on Crystal so I dont want that to happen but at the same time I dont want to be abused and i dont want this to hurt my marriage either.

 

[bostonlass]

That ole saying about marrying the family is soooo true!!!

I feel for the two of you and hope that you can work things out. One way that other members of my family have dealt with similar situations is to move far far far far away.

I really couldn't stand my in laws and ever since I got divorced I haven't heard from any of them. I did write a letter to my mother-in-law telling her how grateful I was for the time I had in that family, though I was lying through my teeth since I hated ever second of it. I only did it to try to make her think that it's ok to still see the kids, etc. Plus she was on her deathbed and that tends to straighten out any family feuding in a hurry.