My Husband is boring/Not romantic/Not thoughful....any advise?

[Daniel Marsh]

Together, set Friday nights as date night. Go for walk somewhere he likes to go, even if it is home depot.

 

[MustardSeeed]

I have a boring husband, and I wouldn't want it any other way. The boring men are the ones with staying power, who hold on to their jobs and pay the bills on time and don't run around. I always know where my husband is, and what he's doing, and when he's coming home. Stable predictability beats always having to keep guessing, any day of the week. At least that's my experience.

If I want excitement and drama, I'll watch it on television.

PS: It's not somebody else's job to make us happy. It's our own.

Wow that really puts things into perspective! I guess husbands surprising their wives with puppies is more of a YouTube thing from the sounds of it

 

[angie28]

"Before we got married,we were not staying together so we used to go out often as that was the only way for us to meet. Now that we are together in the same house, I think he no longer see the need for us to go out anymore e.g. movie night as we can watch at home. So yes I had no idea he would be boring since we were not staying together while in courtship.
I take care of him by cooking, do laundry, complement him, buy him gifts/take him out(though I paused it to see his initiative as well) etc...that's how I make him happy.
I did not say I withdraw from having sex with him voluntarily/willingly....I really want to do it but I have no sex libido(this makes me feel worthless as a wife) and per the research I made, the cause has to do with my hormones and my husband understands my situation and we hope to find professional help after I give birth."

When they marry, many guys stop trying to romance their wives. They have achieved their goal (marrying) and don't think they need to keep working at the romance in the relationship. But that is a surefire way to make a wife feel unloved and sexually disinterested. Since your husband seems to place some importance on his faith, maybe approaching him from a biblical perspective would be helpful. Don't tell him he's not meeting his scriptural obligations to you as a husband, ask him if he thinks he is honoring God in the way he is relating with you. Put your marriage in the spiritual context in which it is supposed to be but remember that you can't change your husband. Only God can make your husband the wise, loving, faithful man God calls him to be. Don't badger your man. Urge him to take the lead in spiritual matters in your relationship. Ask him to lead in a devotional time for you both. Ask him to pray for you both. Ask him to teach you what a biblical marriage looks like. And then pray, pray, and pray some more! Daily in prayer put your man in God's hands and wait patiently on God to transform your husband into a Christlike man. While you wait on God to do so, go deep with God yourself. Be a godly woman. Love God with all of your being. This is the First and Great commandment. When you do, you will see yourself and your marriage transformed and the blessings of God flowing into it.

Proverbs 3:1-8
1 My son (daughter), do not forget my teaching, But let your heart keep my commandments;
2 For length of days and years of life, And peace they will add to you.
3 Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 So you will find favor and good repute In the sight of God and man.
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.
7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your body, And refreshment to your bones.

Congratulations, by the way, on your soon-to-arrive little one!

Selah.

I hear you. thank you

 

[angie28]

Together, set Friday nights as date night. Go for walk somewhere he likes to go, even if it is home depot.[/QFriday sounds great but there is choir practice and church service in the evening..so he can not forego that yet it is the only day we both off and most other days I do evening shifts(making it hard to go out in the evening) plus there is still church on them apart from sat,sunday and Thursday. But will try

 

[angie28]

Get him a copy of the book, Tough and Tender, it got me out of the boring rut.

thank you...going to look for it

 

[angie28]

slip a home made V card into his lunch with an offer for a lunch date.

Great idea, will definitely try it. Thank you.

 

[Greg J.]

Am 5 months Pregnant with our first baby and we got married last year October been together almost 5 years total. Problem is that my Hubby is boring, he never thinks out of the box(not thoughtful)..he never surprise me with dinner dates , buy me romantic staff unless I ask him(e.g buy ,me ice cream)...he does not know how to celebrate special days in our lives like birthday, Achievement, festive seasons....I complained about this to him several times(he doesn't change) and now I gave up. I used to invite him to events I see on meetup.com but he seemed uninterested so now I gave up.

We work abroad and his routine is work and go to church...And when there is no church he can not come up with any plot for us but only sitting on the couch surf the internet and watch the news...am so sick of living in un romantic marriage...since we got married he is not making any effort to make me happy.

I do not have close friends(the few I have are far way) either who I can hang out with. I stopped going to church here because I always felt alone in the crowd and I could not make any close connections beyond church. So my life is all about work and watching movies online. Tried going out solo but it can feel uncomfortable most of the times and I end up leaving.



Also our sex life is next to none...I have a very low libido and now that am pregnant it is zero, we may have sex once in a month or not and how am I supposed to get turned on by a man who does not make me happy!

I love him but am not happy. Is this how marriage is like?



Anyone going through the same?

You can pray that God would change him, but your responsibility is for yourself. Be sure to persist in asking God to change you for your husband. When a relationship gets to where yours sounds like it is, everything is difficult, and may be so for a long time, but the solution is the same—seek God to improve things: humble yourself before God (James 4:10), trust him, and stop whatever sinning you may do. In practice this means sacrifice what you want to be submitted to and respectful to your husband—respect is will often be more effective than "love" (whatever that means to you). It is significantly easier if he is also doing the same before God and you, but what he does or doesn't do doesn't alter your responsibility to God. When you do this God's will and power will work on your behalf (because a thriving marriage is God's will). The following passage is not just about changing a husband with regard to his faith in God; it is about ensuring God has full access to work in your relationship (as much as it depends on you).

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. (1 Peter 3:1-2, 1984 NIV)

Also read through verse 6+ (1 Peter 3:1-6).

 

[pat34lee]

I had to check if a male or female wrote this.

One who knows how different it feels to be persuaded or coaxed nicely than nagged.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I find it common for couples to sometimes stop being as romantic once married. People before marriage tend to put out alot of romance. Like flowers, candy, cheesy love lines, movies....etc. Then once they marry they may slow down or even stop. Sort of like "Well we got married, we got each other. No need to work hard now!". I don't think its done on purpose of course as if we are prizes to be won. I think its just a normal pattern people get into. Maybe romance for some takes alot of work. So once married they feel their love life is secure and don't need to work at it as much.

I know once we married we didn't do as much stuff either after a year or so. I used to make photoshop love art for her, write poems...etc Now... pretty much none of that. And shes somewhat the same. We are still romantic of course. We watch things together, see movies together, try and eat together...etc. In our case though we haven't fallen out of love, we just are content. Now if my wife said she felt less loved or I felt she felt that way I'd be more romantic. After all if you kill the romance, you end up becoming annoyed at the other person.

Same with sex. Its slowed down alot. Maybe once a week if that, it is frustrating on my end because I have a high labido. But I've accepted it because of some personal issues she has with pain. And with her pregnant now.... sex is at a zero.

I'd talk to your husband and be honest. Don't yell or insult him of course, but just be like "Honey I really miss how romantic you used to be with me. It feels like you don't really care to be that way anymore. If your stressed from after work I understand. But we still need a spark to reignite the love." You could always ask if theres something else going on he wants to talk about, like maybe theres something about you hes not happy with.

I mean no one will love every single little aspect of the other person. We all have flaws that our spouses notice. And we can't really change those flaws. However when a marriage is becoming flat things need to be worked on. Sex wise I always tell people never use sex as a weapon and never make an excuse not to have sex unless its legit. Like maybe its that time of month. Or you have pain...etc are legit reasons. Saying "I just don't want because I just don't want to!" is not. Your bodies belong to each other.

Of course if the person isn't really trying to work hard at making the other person... "pleasured" then they need to work on that because I know many women hate their husband who are "wham, bam, thank you mam!" (aka minute men who rush it just to feel their own happiness). Most men I find don't understand the female body and just assume she reaches her peak as fast as he does.

 

[Sir Robbins]

he sounds like me, excluding going to church.... except I'm single and my boring self doesn't effect anyone else. lol