well my husband got physically abusive with me this morning and i want to leave but at the same time i don't feel like it is the right thing to do.
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my husband got physically abusive
- Thread starter super mom
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Is this the first time? If it is, leaving now would send the right message and maybe he would be willing to get help if he is forced to look at the severity of what he did, but if you stay he will think it's okay and it may happen again or get worse. There is nothing 'right' about staying with an abusive husband (or wife for that matter) and you would not be 'wrong' for leaving. You should go somewhere safe and then talk to him about going to counseling when he is calm and you are in a safe, neutral place.
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RooMama
FKA AmyR00
Blue Impulse said:
I absolutely agree with this. Leaving does not equal divorce, it's tough love. Your husband has a serious problem and you are doing him no favors by staying and allowing him to continue in his sin. He's not going to recognize his need unless something drastic happens.
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What I would do...and this is just me. I would be gone by the time he came home from work...like, packed, gone. With a note telling him that I won't put up with that, and that I have an appt scheduled for Mon (or whenever) at noon at such-and-such counselor's office and I will see him there.
He has to know how serious you are. It is NEVER NEVER NEVER ok.
My question....why do you think staying with him is the "right thing to do?"
He has to know how serious you are. It is NEVER NEVER NEVER ok.
My question....why do you think staying with him is the "right thing to do?"
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ps34_18
Randomly Thinking
I posted this earlier on another thread dealing with a woman in an abusive situation:
"I work at a shelter for abused women and see women in the same situation as you every day.
My advice to you is: have a plan. If you decide not to leave your husband yet or at all, you still need to have a plan for keeping yourself safe. The next time your husband loses control you need to be ready to get yourself out of the situation as soon as you can before it escalates to physical violence. Have a bag packed somewhere so you can grab it and go to a friend or family member for the night. Make a list of phone numbers you can call for help, police, shelters, family members...any resources you can think of that will support you through this. You do not have to endure this alone. Get in touch with a family member or friend in advance even; find someone to confide in about the situation and let them know that you might need to come stay with them unexpectedly. When you're safe, seek counselling. If you're with family or friends, still get in touch with a women's shelter. They will have resources that can get you connected with a counsellor to help you deal with the abuse you've had to endure, and if you can get your husband into counselling, do that too.
I will be praying that God gives you strength. What you're dealing with is so tough to go through, and you shouldn't have to do it alone. Find help. Get support. Trust God to bring you through."
I think someone said something earlier that leaving doesn't necessarily equate to divorce. They're right, but whatever decisions you make on how to deal with this situation, whether or not they involve leaving your husband or getting counselling or maybe even doing nothing at all, you need to consider your safety first. My prayers are with you.
"I work at a shelter for abused women and see women in the same situation as you every day.
My advice to you is: have a plan. If you decide not to leave your husband yet or at all, you still need to have a plan for keeping yourself safe. The next time your husband loses control you need to be ready to get yourself out of the situation as soon as you can before it escalates to physical violence. Have a bag packed somewhere so you can grab it and go to a friend or family member for the night. Make a list of phone numbers you can call for help, police, shelters, family members...any resources you can think of that will support you through this. You do not have to endure this alone. Get in touch with a family member or friend in advance even; find someone to confide in about the situation and let them know that you might need to come stay with them unexpectedly. When you're safe, seek counselling. If you're with family or friends, still get in touch with a women's shelter. They will have resources that can get you connected with a counsellor to help you deal with the abuse you've had to endure, and if you can get your husband into counselling, do that too.
I will be praying that God gives you strength. What you're dealing with is so tough to go through, and you shouldn't have to do it alone. Find help. Get support. Trust God to bring you through."
I think someone said something earlier that leaving doesn't necessarily equate to divorce. They're right, but whatever decisions you make on how to deal with this situation, whether or not they involve leaving your husband or getting counselling or maybe even doing nothing at all, you need to consider your safety first. My prayers are with you.
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What did he do? How did he hit you? I say leave him. Separate first, see Christian counsel, Pray, Pray, Pray!!!!! This could escalate and eventually cost you your life. I've heard of things happen like this.
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MERCY@GRACE
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4jacks said:
Isn't that the same thing Patrick. Or we could throw in the word 'motive'.Semantics!
Yes I do concur w/ everyone here, PA is unacceptable....I'd also go a bit further and say BOTH parties need working on!
ETA-No patrick I wasn't being snippy w/ you
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4jacks
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What's ETA mean??? And what is PA??
gosh darn this forum and these acronyms
And it's okay your allowed to be snippy ..
Reasons = Why YOU did what you Did
Excuses = Why OTHERS did what they Did
I'm just kidding but that is how we feel often. I was just going off that fact that often you can have an Excuse for doing something, but that excuse can be extremely unvalid, whereas a Reason is always valid, even if two people disagree on it's validity.
example... "I hit her becuase she spilled soda on my Xbox." That is an excuse not a reason..
example... "I kicked her, because I tripped, fell over the dog, and my foot flew up in the air and caught her" That is a reason.
gosh darn this forum and these acronyms
And it's okay your allowed to be snippy ..
Reasons = Why YOU did what you Did
Excuses = Why OTHERS did what they Did
I'm just kidding but that is how we feel often. I was just going off that fact that often you can have an Excuse for doing something, but that excuse can be extremely unvalid, whereas a Reason is always valid, even if two people disagree on it's validity.
example... "I hit her becuase she spilled soda on my Xbox." That is an excuse not a reason..
example... "I kicked her, because I tripped, fell over the dog, and my foot flew up in the air and caught her" That is a reason.
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MERCY@GRACE
Well-Known Member
4jacks said:
Patrick were you homeschooled
Teasing I'm a Homeschool advocate since I did it for two yrs. ETA=edited to add. PA=physical abuse (I just shortened it myself)Guess I see what your saying in your examples.
OP are you out there
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Err. I don't know what PA or ETA is either....
It depends on the situation, exactly, when you said "got physically abusive" does that mean he threatened you, threw the cell phone at you, almost hit you but then screamed, hit you, beat you into a ball on the living room floor? These are points on a continuum. If he isn't far into the abusive side it will be a lot easier to stop. It can be like a bad habit. He feels strongly, expresses it, wife lets him get away with it and he feels like he "let it out." After a while that doesn't work anymore and they move farther down the continuum. Is this the first time? I assume it is. You have to ask yourself-- how can I save my marriage without allowing this to happen ever again? If the answer is, pack up and leave for the weekend, then do it. If you think telling him that you will leave if he ever does it again, do that. Why would you feel leaving would be the wrong thing to do?
Assuming from your name you also have someone else to consider, your kid(s). Children of abusive parents have a greater likelihood they will grow up to become abusive or the abused themself. I don't remember the statistics but I know its high. You never want to put your children in a position where you are compromising their future and knowledge of right and wrong that way. Even if they know it is wrong, kids of abusive situations still grow up and be abusers or the abused.
You need to do what it takes to make sure this stops here and now.
It depends on the situation, exactly, when you said "got physically abusive" does that mean he threatened you, threw the cell phone at you, almost hit you but then screamed, hit you, beat you into a ball on the living room floor? These are points on a continuum. If he isn't far into the abusive side it will be a lot easier to stop. It can be like a bad habit. He feels strongly, expresses it, wife lets him get away with it and he feels like he "let it out." After a while that doesn't work anymore and they move farther down the continuum. Is this the first time? I assume it is. You have to ask yourself-- how can I save my marriage without allowing this to happen ever again? If the answer is, pack up and leave for the weekend, then do it. If you think telling him that you will leave if he ever does it again, do that. Why would you feel leaving would be the wrong thing to do?
Assuming from your name you also have someone else to consider, your kid(s). Children of abusive parents have a greater likelihood they will grow up to become abusive or the abused themself. I don't remember the statistics but I know its high. You never want to put your children in a position where you are compromising their future and knowledge of right and wrong that way. Even if they know it is wrong, kids of abusive situations still grow up and be abusers or the abused.
You need to do what it takes to make sure this stops here and now.
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I'm going to paraphrase what an abused wife on Montel Williams said today: 'It is not just a slap or a shove or a kick. Once it has happened, things NEVER get better. It will only get worse.' Please, please, please, don't listen to his apologies or excuses. Get out and get help ASAP! And if you have children, remember that they look to you to protect them and they look to you to set an example. Even if he never lays a finger on your children they will learn what to expect from what they see...if they see abuse they will abuse and they will allow themselves to be abused. Please get help today...it cannot wait. If you need help finding resources look in your phonebook for shelters, call your church, call your family. PM if you need to talk. *hugs*
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snarfywarning
Thy will, not my will, Savior!
Yeah. I say go stay at a friend or relatives house and talk to him about counseling.
If he refuses counseling, at least just try to it down in a public place nad calmly discuss your options.
If he refuses counseling, at least just try to it down in a public place nad calmly discuss your options.
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Wow, another example of how a misunderstanding about a verse on divorce has the potential to be dangerous.
If you don't feel it's right to leave because you feel you can't get a divorce, just so you know it is a misunderstanding of the Bible. The Bible doesn't say that, and if you are getting abused, you have every right to leave. God is more concerned about you as a person than He is about you staying in your marriage.
I am also sorry to hear that. It's a scary thing. But you are a special person, and you never have done anything to deserve a man abusing you.
If you don't feel it's right to leave because you feel you can't get a divorce, just so you know it is a misunderstanding of the Bible. The Bible doesn't say that, and if you are getting abused, you have every right to leave. God is more concerned about you as a person than He is about you staying in your marriage.
I am also sorry to hear that. It's a scary thing. But you are a special person, and you never have done anything to deserve a man abusing you.
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