R2_wildfire
hello friend,
this could possibly ruin my reputation as an upstanding Christian or whatever in some peoples eyes but anyway.
im not in the same place that you are so i cant fully relate, but i struggle with homosexual tendencies and such, i remember when it started, it began with only certain aspects or certain ideas being suddenly attractive and i didnt know where it came from, and i didnt know what to do either. and its still a struggle everyday. and like you said it grows, its like a cancer, it spreads, the more numb you become to the idea of homosexuality and the more friendly you become toward it, the more open minded you become toward it.
and becuase it is a part of the sexual make up of us, it seems to take much more discipline to control, becuase that is probly the strongest part of our souls. our desire to be sexualy fullfilled that is.
i dont mean to make this dirty or anything, but im trying to be real.
the thing is, it is not impossible to stop, you do have the victory in Christ.
and this stuff shall not have dominion over you, you can be free in Jesus name and you will be free if you seek the Lord, meditate in the word of God let it fill you with power and knowledge, stay close to God continually, and submit to the Lord.
the thing is, as im sure youve seen, this isnt something you can pray about and it just leaves forever.
its like an old stray cat, it will keep coming back and keep coming back, you have to starve it and eventually it will quit coming around.
its a fight that is a process.
and it cant be won by willpower.
the only way to win the fight, is to continually submit to God, he will always lead you away from the temptation. you cant just change your mind or decide to quit.
willpower doesnt work, thats why people who call homosexuals sissies who just arent real men are wrong, becuase will power isnt enough. it will break you if you try to change your mind, and leave nothing but depression.
i dont have all the answers i still struggle and have to press on toward the mark of the high calling, and constantly run back to the prayer place or the fantasies return.
but one thing ive learned, is that you need to be commited to a life free from homosexuality and choose to follow Christ no matter what.
but that isnt enough by itself.
you need to discipline yourself to pray everyday of your life, for a good amount of time, and get in the word everyday for a good amount of time.
that will guard your spirit from the temptation.
THE BIBLE SAYS TAKE HEED UNTO PRAYER...IT DOESNT SAY TO JUST QUIT SINNING. becuase you cant.
you have to turn your focus off of trying to not doit anymore, and onto making sure that your praying and reading enough and staying full of the presence of God in your life.
spend a good amount of time alone with God everyday, as much as it takes, becuase that strengthens you and prepares you and cleans you.
or you will never come out of this... you just never will.
but you can be free, ive seen so much progress in myself.
you really can be free, and you must go on to being free.
you can struggle with this for the rest of your life, and still go to heavon and be saved as long as your looking to God and fighting it, but you can also be free. he can set you free.
but dont just try to make up your mind to stop doing it, run to the prayer place instead. it is the only way. God has to set you free.
the prayer place is much more powerful than you are. you really dont stand a chance by yourself.
and brother, run this race with patience, its not how fast you get there, its how far you go.