My GF has a not so clean past....

RedPonyDriver · May 17, 2016

Either get over it or get gone...if my now husband had wanted that level of detail about my past, I'd have tossed him out on his ear. No, I wasn't "pure" and neither was he...however, the only thing that mattered was US...at that point in time and forward from there...almost 20 years later...it's still a dead and buried thing.

aiki · May 17, 2016

Four Angels Standing said:
You're all arguing with one another over your own false notions about this man's girlfriend and her character and personality? And you're posting that you're offended by what one another judges about each other after you've both judged a woman you've never met?

*Sigh* No, I'm not arguing over "false notions" of the OP's girlfriend. And I have said not one thing about her personality or character. I have, though, suggested to the OP that her past sexual promiscuity is indicative of a view of sexuality that is not God-honoring. Clearly, if you're engaging in sexual sin, you aren't honoring God or obeying Him. This seems very obvious to me...

Have I judged the OP's girlfriend? No. I have commented only on the potential present and future effects of her past sexual sin. If God has forgiven her, then there is nothing more to say about the sexual sin itself. But many of the promiscuous people I have talked with about their sexual sin reveal thinking about sex that is not biblical and an emotional hardening and resulting issues with intimacy that can make sex a very sticky area when one is married. The OP, I think, should be aware of this.

Four Angels Standing said:
Do you know how ridiculous it is that this is even an issue among the two of you? When a brother has opened a discussion asking advice about his life?

I did not post with the intent of having an argument with Mudinyeri. He objected to my post and felt he needed to tell me so. This is how our exchange began. If you have a problem with our discussion, feel free to let the one who provoked it know.

And, by the way, your post merely continues to distract from offering advice to the OP.

Selah.

PsychoeDial · May 17, 2016

JRO116 said:
and it bothers me still. Shes slept with more than a few guys..this was before i was in the picture..but since i met her, we been to church every weekend, regulalry study the bible, and she was baptized 2 weeks. ago...i know youre a new creation when ou are in christ, but knowing abou ther past still bothers me. I dont know her fulll past, i chose to not know it full because i feel it will just make me more insecure.

but who am i to say. i have a bad past. we all have bad pasts. what can i do to change my thought process on this?

I agree you're way too young to have a girlfriend. Break it off and grow a little.
You admit you have a bad past but you can't get over what you do and don't know about your girlfriends?

Her past is none of your business if you want to know the truth. And if she is now a Christian it doesn't matter a bit being God forgave her her sins. Though it appears you cannot.

PsychoeDial · May 17, 2016

aiki said:
And, by the way, your post merely continues to distract from offering advice to the OP.

Selah.

You may want to check yourself on that score. You're distracting from offering advice to the OP because you're too busy arguing with someone else who disagrees with your advice to them.

Don't make it personal. You're reported. Stop now.

aiki · May 17, 2016

PsychoeDial said:
You may want to check yourself on that score. You're distracting from offering advice to the OP because you're too busy arguing with someone else who disagrees with your advice to them.

Don't make it personal. You're reported. Stop now.

Yes, yes, very threatening. I have offered advice to the OP - and good advice, I think. And I would be quite happy to cease talking about my posts and return to advising the OP, if only folks like yourself would leave off sniping at what I've written. Sheesh.

Sketcher · May 17, 2016

JRO116 said:
here's what I'm struggling with now...I don't know her full past...how many guys she's slept with, and anything else involved with that...do I ask her, and find out the whole truth?

Asking for details can do you no good. How "past" is her past though, really? She was baptized, that's great, but does she have any of those guys on Facebook? Does she still talk about any of them? How long has she been following Jesus? Has she slept with any guys since she started to follow Jesus? If the answer is yes, how long ago was that? And has she had any relationships since then that didn't go there?

The point of all this is determining if there is fruit of repentance in her life. If there is, then perhaps that can help you. If there is not, then why are you dating her? It might also be helpful to know how long the two of you have been dating.

98cwitr · May 17, 2016

I would definitely want to know. Hiding yourself from the truth about someone does not build honest, wholesome, and accepting relationships. You have to want to be with the person she is, and realize that while she may not continue down a certain path, she did make certain choices that you might not be comfortable with. You just have to either be man enough to accept the past for what it is, or move on and find a virgin.

buzuxi02 · May 18, 2016

JRO116 said:
and it bothers me still. Shes slept with more than a few guys..this was before i was in the picture..but since i met her, we been to church every weekend, regulalry study the bible, and she was baptized 2 weeks. ago...i know youre a new creation when ou are in christ, but knowing abou ther past still bothers me. I dont know her fulll past, i chose to not know it full because i feel it will just make me more insecure.

but who am i to say. i have a bad past. we all have bad pasts. what can i do to change my thought process on this?

If it bothers you that much, you should move on. It can be very unhealthy pondering her past or wondering everytime she introduces you to some of old male friend. You done your part by making her a believer, she has hopefully broken away from her sinful past. Job done, theres more fish in the sea.

quietpraiyze · May 18, 2016

JRO116 said:
and it bothers me still. Shes slept with more than a few guys..this was before i was in the picture..but since i met her, we been to church every weekend, regulalry study the bible, and she was baptized 2 weeks. ago...i know youre a new creation when ou are in christ, but knowing abou ther past still bothers me. I dont know her fulll past, i chose to not know it full because i feel it will just make me more insecure.

but who am i to say. i have a bad past. we all have bad pasts. what can i do to change my thought process on this?

I don't think you should be in a relationship with her. She's now a new creature in Christ and she's a baby Christian. She needs to learn Christ and not be involved in your issues. Your insecurities are yours and they have nothing to do with her. I think you have issues that you need to resolve and need healing in. It would do you well not to be in a relationship with anyone until you really understand the redemptive work of Christ because right now I don't think you do. I think you just have head knowledge but your heart isn't being transformed. If that were not the case you would see her as Christ sees her IMO. So there's "something" going on with you and you need to deal with that.

kmrichard7 · May 18, 2016

DaveW-Ohev said:
Just remind yourself:

"For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God." You, me, your GF, EVERYONE.

this

Kit Sigmon · May 18, 2016

Stop dating, work on your own problems.

Ask your minister at church about finding Christian mentors for you and your
girlfriend.

JCFantasy23 · May 21, 2016

Mudinyeri said:
For all we know, she may have some fantastic ideas about sex ... ideas that her husband will enjoy.

OP, I'd steel away from the legalistic, holier-than-thou, reprogramming stuff and take her as she is or let her go.

I agree with this.

If she gets it in her mind you keep having issues about this, it may just make her feel bad about herself or - worse - start stumbling in her new faith. No one wants to feel dirtied by their past. If you can't get over it, then accept you are not the one for her.

magicaxeman · May 21, 2016

JRO116 said:
and it bothers me still. Shes slept with more than a few guys..this was before i was in the picture..but since i met her, we been to church every weekend, regulalry study the bible, and she was baptized 2 weeks. ago...i know youre a new creation when ou are in christ, but knowing abou ther past still bothers me. I dont know her fulll past, i chose to not know it full because i feel it will just make me more insecure.

but who am i to say. i have a bad past. we all have bad pasts. what can i do to change my thought process on this?

Its her past, whats happened in it is between her and God, not you.
Why would it make you feel insecure? let it go and get on with your life together, however if you cannot do that and its still making you feel insecure then its time to stop and take stock as the relationship won't work in the long term if you cannot get rid of your insecurities.

JRO116 said:
nail on the head..I truly have forgiven her. it's just forgetting about it that's hard..like I'm not angry or bitter towards her, it just pops up into my head and it annoys me

Thats Satan at work, sowing seeds of doubt, disbelief.
Also it needs to be noted that she has done NOTHING that requires your forgiveness, how can you forgive her when she has done nothing to you?, you cannot forgive her past, only God can do that!
If her past is offending you then I suggest you get out of the relationship right now and don't get into another one until you have dealt with your insecurities.

JRO116 said:
here's what I'm struggling with now...I don't know her full past...how many guys she's slept with, and anything else involved with that...do I ask her, and find out the whole truth?

God knows our past and still loves us...do I face my insecurity that will come with it, and find out anyway, and still show forgiveness and love, with knowing all she's done? or do I just forget it and move on

Once again you say your forgiveness, she has done nothing that requires you to forgive her!! No offence has been committed against you!! you have to understand and accept that.
No you ask nothing about her past relationships with other men, that is between her and God, its not your concern, your only concern is in loving the woman you have in front of you right now.

My GF has a not so clean past....

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