Woe to a man who in his rebellion towards God becomes that-what he fears most. What can he then do , when God does not answer, no matter the loud cries or moans. He rolls down the hill of destruction , catching glimpses of joy of the spirit , and falling right down into the gutter or sin , by choice or not, towards the gates of Hell. Remembering the days that have long come and gone , when the relationship with God was so pure. When mornings were filled with joy and praise and days were peaceful and fulfilling. Oh what pain it causes in his heart and mind as he writes these words down. What chaos and frustration are in his heart. Fear has taken over , and regardless of all the mumbling about how God loves him , through sin , he feels it in his heart that he is in the worst shape and does not see a way out. Yes , many are quick to suggest such easy words as " Jesus can help you through it all" . But do they really know ? Have they ever been all the way on the bottom of human misery after being born again , by the cause of sin ? Have they ever broken , one after another , after another promise to God knowing what they did ? Some may be quick to say " Well , he did it , so he is on his own , it is his fault" . Surely my friend , but should we practice such "compassion" and we will only be different from Hitler by a few years ahead on the calendar of events, nothing more. So this man , surrounded by fear , calls out to God. Prays to Him in the most sincere of hearts , really now feels that he loves God and maybe for the first time understands how much he really needs Him. But in return there is silence. Dead silence, except for an occasional feeling of the warmth of the spirit , followed by a random thought" Ah, I don't know anymore. If this was God , why doesn't He do a little more than just making me feel warm and fuzzy? Why are there still voices in my head?" How hard it is to enter a church and hear demons cursing people , how painful ! Oh that cursing goes on never ending. And the thought that it may be his own thoughts crawl in from time to time. He tries to push them away , but in persistence of the occurrence they never fail to remind him of themselves. The situation seems hopeless. On the outside he is doing pretty good , people see an intelligent young man , with seemingly what may appear as bright future . But not one man on this planet besides God knows what kind of rotten Hell goes through his weary mind by day and night , bringing about spiritual destruction. Many times have he asked himself " Maybe this is a test?" No , this must not be a test , for God would not practice placing curses in the man's ear 24 hours a day towards His church. That is from the pit of Hell. And if it is , then what must be done to stop this ? Saying " Where is God?"-- will not help the situation . God is on the throne , but not with him. How pailful. Spiritual dead end has come . The man has turned into what he feared most. He wonders , how have Satan plan his strategy. Has he continually loaded these thoughts into his head until the time was right to pull all the triggers ? Maybe. But even that does not help . Random thoughts go through his head , thoughts of death. He almost wishes it , yet again with fear , because he no longer feels forgiven. Yes , many may say , God forgave all . So many preachers who are eager to preach that what they never knew or lived . They yell on the top of their lungs. He listens , and agrees , but understands that even they who may relate to his horror have not had it this bad. His situation is horrible. Nowhere has he ever heard of hearing demons curse every one around him , except for some guy he met on the forum long time ago. The guy told him to stand strong. But it seems that sin, the sin that others so baldly say he must get rid of , holds him down like a press. The easiness of letting go of sin is no longer there. He feels that the spirit of God is not behind him and spends day thinking, grieving about his fatal complication. He promised many times to never touch the porn , but on occasion making excuses he goes to his computer and does it any ways. He is disgusted with himself afterwards. He even once went to Mexico to get a hooker. Felt horrible every after. Oh that pain and destruction that he brings on himself. How can it end and how does a being ever get out of this with out feeling God ? One hope remains: As long as there is a breath in me- maybe God still cares ? Woe to a blind soul that knows its blind. It sees no more and feels no more light. May this never happen to you .
Have there been an immediate solution for the problem. I would have been the first one to grab ahold of it. And with all due respect to the forum, I do not feel any help. I ask for it, all the time. But I do not feel it like I used to. I can honestly say that I feel God has turned away. I do not know if He cares or not. It is not up to me to decide. I know a spontaneous "Yes" is eager to jump ahead and take front and center. But having experienced the horror of my situation I rest my case hoping that He may ever forgive me and let me feel it. So far I feel pure Hell. From the moment i get up , to the minute I fall asleep . Yes , dreams are my only rest.
... it was a leak in the bathroom where I sleep slowly making me get one sickness after another..virtigo, where I can't even stand to get my boys to school.but drive because i have to sometimes ( i feel drunk, things piling up, asthma, I am sooo tired i am missing the most precious times of my sons.. My doctors say
