I will attempt to address several posts here briefly [I am rarely brief; all the posts here are excellent; thank you to one and all]. Please know that I know myself to be a sinner; I had/have many ups and downs. I do love Jesus. So, here goes:
I cannot remember not believing in God [I had wonderful parents and grandparents].
God became real to me in a new way at the age of 17.
I wanted nothing more than to live in and with Him at the age of 19/20.
My unfortunate experience was that all I knew of "Church" was that it tended to distort and dampen my experience of God [also, by nature I tend to be a bit rebellious; probably a bit arrogant about some things].
My most unfortunate experience was that due to a variety of things I was asked to share my experience in a formal way and found myself attempting to live out and help others live out an experience in an organization ill suited to it. I could never find a way to make this work for me, although others seemed to benefit from it for a time. I am ill suited for organizations - "formal Church structures."
My Protestantism was formed in the Baptist Tradition; my own understanding of Christianity was, as a young adult, formed from a combination of experiencing God, Puritan-Reformed theology [which, when filtered, is "union with Christ effected by, made read by, and lived out through the Holy Spirit"], and a wonderful little book "Practicing the Presence of God." [Catholic mysticism/spirituality?]
I eventually gave up on any organized group. This has been my journey so far.
Perhaps the closest I have come to finding any meaning in attending a "Church" has been the Episcopal - but the minister eventually attempted to draft me into an associate role and I fled. At the center of every organized group I have experienced so far has been political struggles [power and money always corrupt] or doctrinal word-fights.
I was open to the Episcopal due to a limited knowledge of the Eastern Orthodox Tradition.
After meeting a few of you here in these forums I became interested - obviously I do long for a way to make my own experience work within a group setting. I feel at times I simply need to submit to something.
My issues have been these:
1. I seem to be asked to accept that TAW is the Church of the Apostles.
2. That sacramentalism is the way to experience Christ.
3. That TAW believes only what was always believed and has not "developed" its own theology, liturgy and understanding of the Christian life and experience.
It seems to me that in order to fully participate in TAW one has to intellectually accept things that, for me, are difficult.
Yet, I find the idea of it wonderful. I have longed for such a thing for most of my adult life. The appeal is so strong that I am, once again, seeking to find a way to accept all of this. Hence, my reading, for now.
I know it cannot be found in a book, but, from my perspective what is asked of one seeking a "home" here requires a certain understanding and a faith that this understanding is true. I do not want to become Orthodox "doubting" that it is what Christ offers. Several of the books recommended here seem to address several of my "doubts."
Does this make any sense at all?
Please feel free to address my understanding of the three points listed above and to share anything you think might be helpful.
I find myself at times saying as so many others have undoubtedly said: Lord I believe; help my unbelief.
Again, thank you so much. And Peace to all. Feel free to PM if you want.
I cannot remember not believing in God [I had wonderful parents and grandparents].
God became real to me in a new way at the age of 17.
I wanted nothing more than to live in and with Him at the age of 19/20.
My unfortunate experience was that all I knew of "Church" was that it tended to distort and dampen my experience of God [also, by nature I tend to be a bit rebellious; probably a bit arrogant about some things].
My most unfortunate experience was that due to a variety of things I was asked to share my experience in a formal way and found myself attempting to live out and help others live out an experience in an organization ill suited to it. I could never find a way to make this work for me, although others seemed to benefit from it for a time. I am ill suited for organizations - "formal Church structures."
My Protestantism was formed in the Baptist Tradition; my own understanding of Christianity was, as a young adult, formed from a combination of experiencing God, Puritan-Reformed theology [which, when filtered, is "union with Christ effected by, made read by, and lived out through the Holy Spirit"], and a wonderful little book "Practicing the Presence of God." [Catholic mysticism/spirituality?]
I eventually gave up on any organized group. This has been my journey so far.
Perhaps the closest I have come to finding any meaning in attending a "Church" has been the Episcopal - but the minister eventually attempted to draft me into an associate role and I fled. At the center of every organized group I have experienced so far has been political struggles [power and money always corrupt] or doctrinal word-fights.
I was open to the Episcopal due to a limited knowledge of the Eastern Orthodox Tradition.
After meeting a few of you here in these forums I became interested - obviously I do long for a way to make my own experience work within a group setting. I feel at times I simply need to submit to something.
My issues have been these:
1. I seem to be asked to accept that TAW is the Church of the Apostles.
2. That sacramentalism is the way to experience Christ.
3. That TAW believes only what was always believed and has not "developed" its own theology, liturgy and understanding of the Christian life and experience.
It seems to me that in order to fully participate in TAW one has to intellectually accept things that, for me, are difficult.
Yet, I find the idea of it wonderful. I have longed for such a thing for most of my adult life. The appeal is so strong that I am, once again, seeking to find a way to accept all of this. Hence, my reading, for now.
I know it cannot be found in a book, but, from my perspective what is asked of one seeking a "home" here requires a certain understanding and a faith that this understanding is true. I do not want to become Orthodox "doubting" that it is what Christ offers. Several of the books recommended here seem to address several of my "doubts."
Does this make any sense at all?
Please feel free to address my understanding of the three points listed above and to share anything you think might be helpful.
I find myself at times saying as so many others have undoubtedly said: Lord I believe; help my unbelief.
Again, thank you so much. And Peace to all. Feel free to PM if you want.