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My evil aunt's death and my passive feelings

Discussion in 'Community Hangout' started by Shattered Glass, Apr 7, 2019.

  1. Shattered Glass

    Shattered Glass Let me go, unrighteous hand of Earth...

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    About late November 2016 my uncle informed me that my aunt whom I used to live with had died.

    I used to live with them and they used to be my guardians. They were very highly strict and overbearing, and my aunt, Dorothy, used to have all manner of being strict and eventually just downright ruling with an iron fist:

    She had unrealistic expectations. When she gave me something to do, she wanted it done right the first time.

    She always assumed I was responsible for getting myself in trouble at school when of was people setting me up to be in trouble. This happened in spades. And she never took my side.

    I was always being punished for the wrong reasons.

    She was a huge fan of telling me "no" and "because I said so" when there was no need for it.

    She used to hit me with a belt. Not spank. Hit.

    She forced me to sit there while she used her thumbs to try and pop the pimples on my face. It was searingly painful and she never believed me on it. She wouldn't stop for HOURS while I screamed until I was hoarse.

    There was a myriad of ways she controlled my life and when I turned 16, the legal age for being legally considered an adult in NC, she tried to stop my mother from coming to get me when I called her in secret.

    I came home to my mother after that. When I finally got the news...

    I didn't cry.

    I didn't send condolences.

    I didn't pray for her everlasting peace.

    I cursed her name.

    I got on her Facebook wall and I put a simple message on there:

    "Dearest aunt Dorothy,

    BURN
    IN
    HELL."

    Why am I telling you this? Because I am an honest person and I believe in honesty. If I am honest with you all you should be able to trust me more. I don't know if I'm breaking any rules by posting that, but you have to understand I put up with her abuse for three years. And not everyone in my family liked her either. Personally, I didn't want her to go to hell, I didnt hope she did. But after all the times I lied to her I figured I may as well tell one final truth.

    My uncle and I haven't spoken since. I don't care why.

    I don't hate that she died evil. I hate that she LIVED TO PUNISH ME.

    If I have broken any rules, please inbox me and correct me.
     
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  2. Brightmoon

    Brightmoon Apes and humans are all in family Hominidae.

    +2,101
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    You aunt sounds like an insensitive immature person who like to coerce . I’m not gonna scold you for disliking someone who mistreated you
     
  3. Jude1:3Contendforthefaith

    Jude1:3Contendforthefaith I'm Currently An Eastern Orthodox Catechumen Supporter

    +1,058
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    Sorry you went through that abuse.
     
  4. ilovejcsog

    ilovejcsog The way....

    723
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    Sounds to me like she wanted to keep you in line to keep you out of trouble. So you would grow up to respect rules and have an easier time in society. If she didn't love you she wouldn't have spent so much time grooming you for the future. When you grow up you will realize how blessed you were to have someone that cared that much.
    But then It will be to late to be sorry for your actions after her death.
     
  5. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +4,572
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    Rough situation.
     
  6. Ttalkkugjil

    Ttalkkugjil Spiritual Director

    +803
    Korea, Republic Of
    Christian
    Married
    CA-Conservatives
    How utterly cruel of her.

    Imagine, holding you to account for the things you chose to do in school.

    No reason perceived by you.

    The difference between those two things being...?

    Perhaps she loved you and so wanted you to be with her.

    An immature thing to have done.

    No, not particularly.

    Your uncle and aunt took you in and you thank them by posting your desire that she burn in Hell.
     
  7. Romans 8

    Romans 8 Well-Known Member

    +902
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    She does sound like a mean aunt. Maybe even evil. But, if you do not forgive this woman, will God forgive you? There have been countless people raped, beaten, molested as children, tortured, etc and they were able to forgive their assailants. Unfortunately we must forgive even these evil people. It's going to take work, but you must do it, not for them but for you. If you refuse to forgive that evil woman, she wins in the end.

    I just started reading a book called, "I should forgive but...". I can't tell you if it's good but one of the members recommended it as he also needed forgiving someone. Please don't wait too long to start the process, because unforgiveness is a curse. God Bless!
     
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  8. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

    +5,073
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    Sometimes it is also true that forgiving someone can be a journey. Especially if there was abuse involved.

    Working through hurt can take years... especially if the abuser has shown no remorse. Feelings are complicated. They don't always go where the Holy Spirit would will them to go. I hear you, we have to forgive. But what that looks and feels like can be complicated.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2019
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  9. Romans 8

    Romans 8 Well-Known Member

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    I read another book on this and it's stated that forgiveness is like repenting. It's a choice. I think the sooner we can forgive the better, if we can. She needs to give her pain to Jesus.
     
  10. forlovingHim

    forlovingHim New Member

    32
    +42
    United States
    Messianic
    Celibate
    I want to be very gentle here because you are dealing with something painful, even if you haven’t acknowledged the pain. I think the reason you are posting this is because you feel a lack of peace about the situation. Perhaps some guilt, or the need for some guidance on how to feel and find closure.

    I don’t assume anything of you, because to tell the story of why you feel so strongly about this after 3 YEARS of enduring what I do think was surely abuse since you are still struggling with what she did... Rarely do abuse survivors come out and disclose the worst that happened to them; despite their suffering and even anger, they often want to protect their abuser.

    It’s okay to have your feelings but you do need to work through them, especially the forgiveness part like Romans 8 above me said. Maybe talking to the chaplain in more detail about this would help you?

    No judgment. Only God knows. You are loved, Brother. May the perfect Shalom and Love of Jesus be yours.

    -Sarah
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2019
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  11. Brightmoon

    Brightmoon Apes and humans are all in family Hominidae.

    +2,101
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    abusive guardians aren’t strict . They’re abusive ! Perfectionist behavior is abusive for children . Competency usually takes time. Over control is not protection. Ignoring a child’s problems is neglect and then emotionally abusing them for having the problem is horrible behavior on the part of s guardian. Neither of you has ever been abused by a narcissist . Consider yourself lucky . But don’t gaslight someone who has been abused like that because THAT behavior is also abusive.
     
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