My ED.........

[WhereareyouGod?]

My ED seems to be taking over my life. All i think about is how far away from my current Goal weight i am. I don't wanna be like this. I am scared that i will end up in hospital but i can't stay the weight i am. Im only 124lbs but to me that is huge. I mean i will quite happily look at ppl that are obviously larger than me and say that they are beautiful being honest but when i look at myself i see a fat lump of lard that can't be loved by anyone. I think that people are lying to me when they say that i am pretty. Expecially my boyfriend. I take pills if i eat to much that help me to slim down, I wanna loose as least 24lbs. I know I won't be happy when i get there but at least i can say i reached it. I just dunno what to do. No one seems to be able to help and i know they won't be able to unless i want to change. I don't even know why I am posting this. I just wanna waste away and die.

 

[InvisibleExistence]

Lizziee!!! I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this. It's not nice at all. I'm something like 112 but I still feel awful about myself. Why do you think this started? Does it relate to something that you've been through emotionally or do you think it's just in you? I can't really relate my ED to anything which is frustrating because it just makes me feel as if i'm making a big fuss about nothing.

If you're boyfriend is going out with you, likes you a lot and values you, he wouldn't lie to you. If he says you're beautiful, you'd better believe it.

And so many people love you. If you wasted away and died, so many people would miss you. Your BF, your family and friends, all us here at the CF (yeh, really.) I guess what i'm trying to say is, you are loved, valued, and v pretty too. Check out my webbie on my profile. It's trying to promote self esteem. I dunno if it works. you tell me!!!!!!

*You need sunshine AND rain to make a rainbow* - sorry about the cheesiness!!

Smile -------->

Jess xxxxxx

 

[WhereareyouGod?]

People calling me fat, there are only so many times you can laugh it off and say that they are lying, expecially when my dad said it. When its just idiots at school it is alrite but my dad said it about me It wasn't just once, he kept going on about how i needed to lose weight. you can't ignore that.

Dad's aren't supposed to say that about their daughters, they are supposed to love them unconditionally. He would never abuse me but he's so hurtful

 

[ark_angel]

ahhh, I am sorry to hear that, was he doin it in a jokin matter or was he actually meaning it, I know either way it is wrong, but I know I get it all the time from my dad and he is joking but sometimes it just seems so real and as if they mean it, even other people do it too, and they are all joking but it still hurts, just it hurts the worst when it comes from your dad, and mine everytime I come up and visit it seems he only has time to make fun of me.....sometimes not about weight or anything, which people are always teasing me about, I'm not fat and that's why they tease me bout it, they either tease me by saying how skinny I am actually meaning it, or they make fun of me being skinny by saying I am fat and laughing about it. I know how you feel, it really stinks and it doesn't help when you are going through a tough time. Yesterday I was visiting with my sister and brother-in-law, and they were making fun of me I hated it I really did, my brother-in-law was saying that I was skinnier than the last time they saw me which I haven't maybe I lost a little cause I had an eating disorder for awhile and well I am kinda getting back into it, but I haven't lost that much and he was saying how I was a lot skinnier, and then that whole night they kept on sayin stuff, like how bony I am, you are sooo skinny, I soooo badly wanted to tell them to stop, I soooo badly just wanted to like run off somewhere, man when I was driving home I so badly just wanted to drive somewhere else and like hide out and then somehow run far far away, but I didn't. Ok I will stop tellin my borin problems in life
but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone, I know how you feel, I hope things get better if I think of anything that could help I will be sure to let you know, and if you want to talk I would be more than happy to talk with you.

 

[onebit]

I hope I can relate a message of hope to you girls. I know how much it hurts to have family and friends that you are not fully accepted by. It's painful. Jesus knows your pain too. He came to the creation he had made. Born a jew and rejected by his own people. People watched him die and noone cared, many just watch the day unfold for their own kicks. You see though, Jesus did something that we should try to do. Jesus endured the cross while looking forward to the joy that awaited him. While faced with a cruel world all around him, He looked to his Father that accepted him. I used to live by what family and friends thought of me. But I have learned that to live by what another thinks of me is to live in their chains willingly. I, by God's grace, have cast off the chains other place on me. I even try to cast off the chains my own mind wants to put on me. I do that by renewing my mind...like it says in the bible. I now live by what God thinks of me and not what myself thinks or others think. When ever a thought come to my mind that is contrary to what God thinks- I do what Paul did. . . I take my thoughts captive to the obedience of the knowledge God has given me. The bible says in Thessilonians that the word is effectual in those that believe. It actually produces effects if you stand fast and believe it. A healthy inner you will produce a healthy outer you - no matter what your shape or size is. Your real you is healthy - because the real you is the new creation. Christ in you the hope of glory. If you have been born again-- you are a new creation. God sees a his Son's spirit in you and sees a holy and righteous creation despite what your flesh does. Ephesians 1:4 says in the literal Greek: . . .we (exist) holy and blameless before him in love. Meaning that we are totally accepted by him. The word exist is written in the present tense. Ephesians then goes on to actually say that we are accepted by Him. I cling to these words to fight off depression, anxiety, and whatever the devil trys to throw against me. It gives me great peace. You know I am actually a baby Christian. So don't look at me as a theologian... I just have the same God you do.... Our Father is goood and accepts you as you are! He says in the word "shall the thing that is formed reply unto the thing that formed it, why have you made me thus?" If you dislike your body you actually are saying that God made a mistake. God doesn't make mistakes. You are gifted and given many blessings. It is time to stop allowing the enemy of your soul to steal away your life. You are so richly blessed. It is time for us all to start seeking out what it is that God has done for us. If you believe Jesus is the son of God. Then that is one of the greatest blessings to have been given to you from the Father. Because to know Him is only by revelation and that is a gift from God to you! Please dig in to the bible it full of the wisdom and knowledge you need. In Isaiah it says that wisdom and knowledge is the stability of your times and the strength of your salvation. We all need stability and strength. I will keep you in prayer as well. PM me if you need further encouragement. Don't be shy you're my sister!!

P.s please pray for my cousin Brook. She is 17 and going through tough times. She doesn't know Jesus and she is living on her own with older kids. It's not good. She needs light! Thank you!!!

 

[WhereareyouGod?]

I think he ment it but not meaning to be harsh if that makes sense, he congratulated me on my weight loss and told me to keep at it the other day,

 

[TheMainException]

Sister...I love you. I don't know you...not like I know other people...but I'm here...and I will hear all that you have to say. I love because Jesus loves....he taught me how to love and therefore I will love you as much as I can as a human. My sister...have you talked with anyone about this? Sit down and talk to someone. Get someone to help you to not take these pills...get someone to help you to eat something. But really, most of all, talk to someone in the psychology field...ED's are not just about the food...there is usually more to it than that. There is something deeper here that needs to be dealt with.....it could take a long struggle...but you are not alone and that deep dark secret that you might not even know is there...waiting, eating you alive, making your life hell.....it seems to me that this hopelessness that you express could also be depression...you really should talk to someone about this...I don't know if you have...and I know that it could be hard...but it is REALLY important. You are not to lost to be saved. You are never to lost to be saved....God is more powerful than any dark forest of death. My love to you dear sister!

 

[TheMainException]

ahhh, I am sorry to hear that, was he doin it in a jokin matter or was he actually meaning it, I know either way it is wrong, but I know I get it all the time from my dad and he is joking but sometimes it just seems so real and as if they mean it, even other people do it too, and they are all joking but it still hurts, just it hurts the worst when it comes from your dad, and mine everytime I come up and visit it seems he only has time to make fun of me.....sometimes not about weight or anything, which people are always teasing me about, I'm not fat and that's why they tease me bout it, they either tease me by saying how skinny I am actually meaning it, or they make fun of me being skinny by saying I am fat and laughing about it. I know how you feel, it really stinks and it doesn't help when you are going through a tough time. Yesterday I was visiting with my sister and brother-in-law, and they were making fun of me I hated it I really did, my brother-in-law was saying that I was skinnier than the last time they saw me which I haven't maybe I lost a little cause I had an eating disorder for awhile and well I am kinda getting back into it, but I haven't lost that much and he was saying how I was a lot skinnier, and then that whole night they kept on sayin stuff, like how bony I am, you are sooo skinny, I soooo badly wanted to tell them to stop, I soooo badly just wanted to like run off somewhere, man when I was driving home I so badly just wanted to drive somewhere else and like hide out and then somehow run far far away, but I didn't. Ok I will stop tellin my borin problems in life
but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone, I know how you feel, I hope things get better if I think of anything that could help I will be sure to let you know, and if you want to talk I would be more than happy to talk with you.

Ark angel...your probs are not boring at all...and just as important...I love you very much.

 

[WhereareyouGod?]

I haven't spoken to anyone proffessionally, if i do that my parents will have to find out. That can't happen.

 

[onebit]

I haven't spoken to anyone proffessionally, if i do that my parents will have to find out. That can't happen.

I have a question for you, do you believe that Jesus is the son of God?

 

[WhereareyouGod?]

Yeah, whats that got to do with this exactly?

 

[little_moments00]

Why is it that your parents can't know? And I think it is actually very possible to receive help without your parents knowing, well at least here it is but I live in Canada, there should be many anonymus (spelt wrong but meh lol) phone lines and even counseling if you are over 14

 

[WhereareyouGod?]

If my parents found out they would flip! They would make my life hell watching me all the time, making sure i wasn't cutting or purgin etc etc. I have to have my alone time or i will go insane. If i got help behind their back they would still flip cos it would come up on the phone bill or whatever

 

[ark_angel]

I know how you feel, I no longer have my alone time, *sigh*, I hate it, it's horrible, extremely horrible.. I have to always I mean always have my bedroom door open, my mom like is always watching me now, I hate it, I can't be myself anymore, seriously I can't, what ever happened to being to my alone time, it's definitly thrown to the way side, and absolutely hate it, I really do, but I am sure you have already noticed that so I will try not to keep saying it, it's just hard, really hard...sometimes I wish I never told anyone, but then again it has helped a little, you really need to get some help, somehow someway, I know I have said I hate not having my alone time, and it is the truth, but if your parents need to know so you can get help, you need to let them know, I know that sounds crazy, and it isn't easy, trust me I know, I couldn't even tell my mom straight up, I wrote her an email cause I just couldn't tell her face to face....you need to get some help trust I know from personal experience...I am still waiting for help, but I will be seein a counselor soon, just waiting for them to write back. anywayz, enough about me, you need to find away to get help and get it soon, please!!!

 

[onebit]

Yeah, whats that got to do with this exactly?

I am glad you know Christ, that comforts me and encourages me concerning you and shows me how to pray and what you might be willing to do. If you didn't believe then I would know that you might not be willing to hear Christian council as a believer would. Can you find a Christian Forum to be a place of anonymous help? You have already shared your struggles and they are known to the readers. So you have opened up for help. Are you honestly willing to recieve the help that others give you? It is one thing to ask for help and another to notice and recieve it. You may be at a stage of realizing that you are going to need to trust God and others to help you. That takes time to learn to trust, especially if you have been hurt. I know it takes time, because I have gone through some tough times myself and had alot of barriers taken down in order to recieve help from others. Know this God has not given up on you, you gotta believe that. Love believe all things. Philipians 1:6 says that He that has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.

I have been in the hospitals for severe depression and say that God's word has worked miracles in my heart and mind. I read it like it was my daily meds. It helped me. Read Thessilonians 2:13 and notice that it says that the word is effectually working in you if you believe his word.

The doctors diagnosed me with Scitzophrenia. I new my battle was spiritual in origin and natural in its manifestations. God has given me that knowledge. I am now free and in my right mind. Because Jesus delivered me. He did it through his love, power, and knowledge. All of which are fruits of the cross. You need to understand that you have the war of the flesh and Spirit. The flesh is the part of the unrenewed mind -- the part of your mind that is not knowledgable of the truth. The truth is light. The absence of truth is darkness. But praise God he has delivered you out of darkness into His marvelous light. So you are in the light and child of the light in Christ yet you still have this fleshly body to contend with mainly our minds. Read chapter 7 of Romans and find comfort that even Paul describes you battles. I was given knowledge by the Lord himself that He wanted me to take my thoughts captive unto the obedience of Him and his knowledge instead of what my mind said. That is also quoted in IICorinthians 10. For are weapons of our warfar are not carnal (or of our own fleshly minds) but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds. You are facing strongholds. A stronghold is enemy resistance against you. A way to look at it is that you have been called into the light and Christ wants you to grow much like God calling the Isrealites out of Egypt into the promise land. When they entered the land they had enemy resistance yet God delivered them from their enemies and delivered their enemies into their hands. So we can say that what you are facing with ED and self harm is not influenced by God. I would also conclude that you are seeking help. You need deliverance from these afflictions. The only one who delivers is God. He can give you knowledge that dilivers you from the ill influenced habits. Because the truth will set you free, right? So I would like to explain what the word obedience really means in the greek. In the greek obedience is comprised of two words when combined literally means: the agency through which you hear. So in the above I mentioned that we have a choice of what we will hear in our hearts. We can choose to listen to our own hearts condemn us and put ourselves down, we can listen to other people words, we can listen to what the devil influences us to think, or we can choose to listen to what God thinks of us and listen to his word and listen to others who use his word to edify one another. The entrance of His word gives light. That is the Pslams. The bible says that we are to speak and sing to one another in psalms, hyms, and spiritual songs. Why? Because when truth is talked about it begins to push away the darkness as light does. The truth is your weapon to these habits. You can win and be successful if you begin to take time to read his word and allow it to be planted and grow. It's not an over night fix it takes time for his word to become solid in your mind and heart. It takes God's revelation to change you. For we are changed from glory to glory even by the Spirit of the Lord. And then when you get a flicker of joy begin to do what this little dude does !!! Things will turn around!!! I promise! Christ's word does return unto him void!!!
In Jesus name,
Billy

 

[WhereareyouGod?]

Note, i said i believed Jesus was the son of God, i have friends that believe that, doesn't make them or me a Christian. I won't be able to reply on this topic for much longer cos i am gunna change my faith symbol. I don't believe God is there, if he is he doesn't care for me. Please don't pm me about this. My mind is made up.

 

[Crazy_nut_4_Jesus]

God has been here, you're the one that hasn't went to Him. Which is pretty clear if you cared about yourself. It may sound harsh but your not really doing any good feeling sorry for yourself and hitting rock bottom without a fight.

Do you really care about yourself? If you do, I would rethink the whole, "God isn't here" thing before you make your own life hell.And yes. I know exactly what it is you're going thru with the weight issue and self-harm deal. So don't think I'm telling you stuff without knowing what i'm talking about.

You really need to talk to your parents. If they flip it's only because they love you and don't want anything to happen to you. And that's a good thing.
A couple of months ago, my own parents found out that I had been cutting for atleast a year. But I think I was actually relieved they found out. And yeah, they will watch you. My parents moderated my every move. One time they threatened to remove my bedroom door! I understood why after my brother explained to me what was going on whiled I lived like a wild teen. He told me about my parents and himself crying over the phone.

But you know, I stopped because I knew I was hurting them. Later on I realized that I wasn't just hurting them. I was hurting God... And myself. I look hideous now. My arms are covered in scars.... It's not glamorous, but everytime i look at it or anyone else it reminds me of how stupid i was to not come to Jesus Christ, and at the same time, I look at them I know I'm forgiven.

Please don't give up on Him just yet. The relationship with God and man is two-way. You have to work at it also. But remember if you can't feel God anymore, He hasn't moved... Maybe, perhaps, you have. Please don't take this as I'm judging you. I really care about you, and I hate to see... Err... Hear/Read about someone who is hurting or struggeling in this area. Always remember He's here for you and He loves it when we talk to Him. Keep it Real

~Becca

 

[Celtic Camel]

hey all... please don't give up on God...just don't deny him, and he will prove himself to you if you allow him to.
Message me if you want..... I might be able to give you a few little tips that I have found helpful....or if you just want to chat...
on AOL instant messaging I'm Celtic_Camel_Oz
on MSN my address is asil_kora@ibenefit.com.au as Celtic Camel...
that email address doens't work for mail tho...but email me at asil_kora@yahoo.com.au if you want to.
Take care precious friends,
Love & prayers,
Lisa