My controversial view!

[Inperfected]

I think that unless theres a good reason for waiting (I do agree finances, living situation, family situation, dealing with issues etc are good reasons) then you should start considering engagement, but not too long no.

 

[dusky_tresses]

That's what I figured. It's not like he and I, or even others, are just saying..."hey, let's see where this goes in another 2 years! and two after that...and after that....and after that...."

 

[joelkaziro]

Im not in favor of LTRS. You find somebody, you marry them! None of this waiting to finish school, find a better job, blah, blah! You get married and you go through whatever together. And, also Im opposed to the whole bombastic wedding spectacle. You want to get married, you go to Vegas or City Hall. Why pay tons of money to have a bunch of strangers eat your food, drink beer, and make idiots of themselves doing the macarena. Call me a heretic but I believe there is nothing non-Christian about my views!

I can see where you're coming from - the notion that you've found someone and marriage just seems to be the right and holy way to do things. The thought's crossed my mind but then I thought, well in order for me to have a successful marriage, I'd need the blessings from not only my family but hers as well, my friends would have to have met her and got accustomed to her company and many other clauses I feel would have to be filled. But those are just superficial compared to the fact that should you just rush into marriage, a life long decision that requires total devotion, attention, maintenance, faith, love and strength, you need time to get close to your future partner and that I feel takes a long time. So I'd have to disagree but I can definately understand where you are coming from.

Joel

 

[Blank123]

Im not in favor of LTRS. You find somebody, you marry them! None of this waiting to finish school, find a better job, blah, blah! You get married and you go through whatever together. And, also Im opposed to the whole bombastic wedding spectacle. You want to get married, you go to Vegas or City Hall. Why pay tons of money to have a bunch of strangers eat your food, drink beer, and make idiots of themselves doing the macarena. Call me a heretic but I believe there is nothing non-Christian about my views!

well IIRC that approach worked very well for Britney Spears

 

[dusky_tresses]

Notice how the OP hasn't come back to defend his view? TROLL!!

 

[nucleocide]

How will you know if you love the person without first spending a long period of time with them? There is no such thing as love at first sight.

 

[dusky_tresses]

And acting on impulse or strong hormonally based emotions aren't good ideas either.

I think that LTR are a reflection of what a marriage could be like-- after all, if you find that you're having unresolvable problems only 6 months into a relationship, would you really want to get married??

 

[Kitten87]

dude....love grows its not just a sudden spur of the moment thing. And marriage...u do it wen ur ready, theres no rush.

 

[sanderse]

I want to bring this thread back to life... So... if you are not ready to get married emotionally... then don't get marired. If you think you are ready after a few short months... get engaged and get married. . . You can always call it off. I think that if you can plan a wedding together, you can probably get married. lol. Anyways... as was said... don't wait to get married because you want to finish school or get a job... what is the point? These are real life situations and waiting til they are over is not going to make getting married any easier. I met my man last summer June 30, 2008. If I was done with college and able to move away or if he was staying in Memphis... we would have gotten married this summer 2009. Not for any unpure reason but simply because our hearts and minds are ready and we feel that Marriage is God's plan for our relationship. I see reason to wait to see if our relationship gets worse...

NOw that said- I understand why some people want to wait... if you want to wait then wait... you by no means want to possibly get into something too soon...

But it does not make sence to me that we should wait to marry simply because we "just need to be together for a while" I understand that that time limit is specific to each person. Me... I want to know what my SO is like in every season... that is it. I believe a year is plenty of time to decide if someone is right for me.

I understand both sides... but I just think all too often on CF people appy a general rule to all situations not realizing that everyone is not the same.

 

[The Nihilist]

why did you do that

 

[Luther073082]

Technically there is nothing non-Christian about what you are saying save for the fact that it sounds a bit like legalism.

But I'm not sure your tatics necessarily work for the best for all people.

Every person who gets married has a responsibility to their spouse and any children they may create. Its not wise to just get married without considering your financial status.

Secondly one shouldn't get married on a whim. A long term relationship does test out the ability of the two to have a proper relationship before the marriage line is crossed. Remember once you cross that line and get married, it is a sin to try to go back. Divorce should not be an option save for adultry, abuse, or abandonment.

While I sympathize with you that weddings can often become too much of a party, I disagree with your solution.

Any Christian marriage aught to be done before God with the vows said to both eachother and to God. Marriage was God's invention, not Vegas's and not the state.

Thus a proper Christian marriage should always be performed by a member of the body of Christ. The very church that God established on earth is his representative in this matter. I do not belive that Christians should have their weddings done in a courthouse as it treats marriage as though it was the state's invention.

Being married by a judge does not necessarily mean that God does not consider you to be married. However it takes out all respect for his role within marriage.