Im not in favor of LTRS. You find somebody, you marry them! None of this waiting to finish school, find a better job, blah, blah! You get married and you go through whatever together. And, also Im opposed to the whole bombastic wedding spectacle. You want to get married, you go to Vegas or City Hall. Why pay tons of money to have a bunch of strangers eat your food, drink beer, and make idiots of themselves doing the macarena. Call me a heretic but I believe there is nothing non-Christian about my views!
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My controversial view!
- Thread starter mrslinky
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- Jul 10, 2006
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Mrslinky, there's a bit more to it then just "you find somebody, you marry them!" I feel you have to really know the other person before you make the decision to marry them, whether you've been friends for a long time or are in a romantic relationship for a long time. I've seen too many couples who rush into marriage after only knowing each other a short amount of time prior to getting married, only to divorce a few years after marriage or are now struggling. In my family alone there have been 10 divorces, the majority from which the couples have known each other a short amount of time. In contrast, my cousin and her husband have a lovely marriage and they dated 5 years before they got married. Every couple has their reasons why they want to wait to get married. Everybody's situation is different.
As for being opposed to having a big wedding, if a couple wants it, then it is their choice. Personally, I would rather just have something quiet, or probably elope, but that's just me. A couple has every right to have the wedding they want, no matter how big or how small.
blessings,
~Michele
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peanutbutter12
Senior Veteran
I agree there is more than just finding someone and marrying them. However, relationships develop at the speed of each individual personally. I don't believe we can put a timeline on it.
The wedding is also a very personal thing. Some people like the big wedding, some people don't. When my wife and I got our marriage license, we watched a couple go into a room, and leave it in less than 2 minutes. Wham, bam, it's over. We both agreed that neither of us could just get married like that. We wanted our family there to enjoy the day with us.
CJ
The wedding is also a very personal thing. Some people like the big wedding, some people don't. When my wife and I got our marriage license, we watched a couple go into a room, and leave it in less than 2 minutes. Wham, bam, it's over. We both agreed that neither of us could just get married like that. We wanted our family there to enjoy the day with us.
CJ
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~Beauty_from_Pain~
By His grace, For His glory
- Jul 29, 2005
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Getting married is one of the most important decisions of your life. You are deciding who you are going to spend the rest of your life with-through everything. Once you marry someone I believe that you stick with them, no matter how hard it gets. I just think that you want to make sure that it is not going to be a hell you have to live with and deal with, but something that you enjoy for the most part. I think that it is a big decision.
As for the wedding part, I think that is personal preferance. Some people want a huge wedding, others just go to a court and get married. I see nothing wrong with any of these. Like I said, I believe that this is a personal preference.
However, I think that whichever way that you choose to get married, that it mean something. That there is a significance in the moment from just being together.
As for the wedding part, I think that is personal preferance. Some people want a huge wedding, others just go to a court and get married. I see nothing wrong with any of these. Like I said, I believe that this is a personal preference.
However, I think that whichever way that you choose to get married, that it mean something. That there is a significance in the moment from just being together.
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I
Inperfected
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Hold up a second.... Who said anything about "strangers"? And tons of money? and alcohol? and DANCING?
None of that is neccessary, infact we did none of that. It was a cheap but lovely meal, with people we'll know for a LONG long time to come, only strangers, were on my side of the family, and he's the only one who didn't know them
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L
littlemrs
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I respect your opinion, but there's more to it than that. For people like me who met their SO while still in high school - yes, finishing school, finding good paying jobs, etc. is the priority before marriage.
I do agree with you to a certain extent, though. There are couples who have been together for five, six, seven or more years who are no nearer to marriage than when they first started dating and for no real reason.
We've finished high school and are on our ways to obtaining our college degrees, and we're getting married in May.
I do agree with you to a certain extent, though. There are couples who have been together for five, six, seven or more years who are no nearer to marriage than when they first started dating and for no real reason.
We've finished high school and are on our ways to obtaining our college degrees, and we're getting married in May.
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I
Inperfected
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So another realistic (in my case) situation for you?
What about completing dreams first... I had a dream to go to Tanzania, and 5 months into our engagement, I went there for 3 months, then when I returned I need time readjust to western culture...
And that sort of waiting is blah blah blah? Quite honestly, if we hadn't waited, we wouldn't be together today, we'd have seperated already.
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He is in school full time, cant afford an apartment, lives in the dorm. I work at a bad job, cant afford an apartment, live with my parents. Well, we might as well get married. We'll live off my $10/hr, I'll pay his student loan...or we'll end up on the streets (obviously someone would take us in first. But I would be smart enough not to get my self in this situation in the first place).
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- Jan 6, 2006
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i really think this is each couples choice. i WANT a wedding where people come...and I am also waiting until next july to get married...my and my bf's choice.
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Everything within reason!
I for one want to know (as much as possible) the man I am marrying...so I (besides praying for someone I "grew up with") would not rush things.
I however would not "sit around" and wait on a commitment for 5 years (of course if you are childhood sweethearts you may date for a while longer).
To each his own, I guess...once the Spirit leads!
I for one want to know (as much as possible) the man I am marrying...so I (besides praying for someone I "grew up with") would not rush things.
I however would not "sit around" and wait on a commitment for 5 years (of course if you are childhood sweethearts you may date for a while longer).
To each his own, I guess...once the Spirit leads!
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Yeah being in a LTR i do feel your anger. Somedays it's like if we were married we would have better health benefits, etc. There is frustration there, and being married to someone there is frustration there too. Why waste so much money on a wedding for one day? why go to the prom? Why should I be at the hospital on the day of my child's birth when I need to be bringing in the money for this child's future? God cursed us in Genesis so we will have frustrations on earth. We want the best so we do all we can for the best. Better yet if you don't want the stress ignore it?! noone can force you to like your dislikes, but yet you continue to be bothered by your dislikes.
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dusky_tresses
Just holding on
IMHO...
I have a feeling the OP is a troll and if he isn't, then he is either using very thinly veiled sarcasm...or is expressing his disdain towards LTR due to something that happened to him.
First of all, reasearch and common sense shows that couples who marry very quickly are more likely to divorce than couples who marry after knowing each other and courting each other for some time. It is not just research that compells others to wait to get married-- the Bible speaks about love, real love, not seeing stars in the skies (not that it's a bad thing). But the Bible compels a wife to submit to her husband as to the Lord, and a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the Church.
That takes a lot of understanding to happen and a lot of love. Two people who are in the initial working stages of a relationship will no necessary have the understanding of each other to respect what the Bible has said about marriage.
Yes when you find someone you really love and want to spend the rest of your life with, you marry them. But you marry them within reason and within a reasonable amount of time.
Part of being in a long term relationship is to be a precursor to marriage-- after all, a couple years together is not much compared to a lifetime together, but it gives you a good glimpse. In all honesty, if a couple has only been together for 6 months and can't reasonably work out their problems together, what really makes them think that they can get married and they will be able to work the problems out? simply because they got married? You're supposed to be able to work these problems out before you get married this way you are better prepared with stress coping skills and know how you both will work things out together in a way that is fitting.
I don't necessarily agree with the "bombastic" wedding either but that is my personal choice. My bf and I want a wedding where our families and close friends are invited so they can witness and share the day with us. A wedding is one of the few shared and celebrated things a married couple can actually express to others, because many of the things about marriage are meant to be private. Why not take that day to be with the people who care about you and you them? Noone says you have to spend thousands of dollars. Noone says you invite strangers of all people (one would also think that you and your future spouse would bother introducing each other to these people) and noone says there needs to be alcohol or horrendous dancing. I for one won't have any alcohol at my wedding (we're going to use sparkling white grape juice instead) or horrendous dancing (I'm planning on having us take ballroom dance lessons together). But if a couple wants to have alcohol or spend lots of money, hey it's their wedding.
Get married in vegas or city hall? To be honest many Christians would rather have their marriages blessed, conducted and overseen by a pastor or priest and done in a church. Getting married like that is by no means a guarantee that it will be successful, but it is a good indicator for the seriousness that needs to be considered.
Marriages are a covenant and should be treated as such from beginning to end-- not like Britney Spears' 54-hour shabang. I may be reading into things but you don't seem to care much for it considering what you've said.
I have a feeling the OP is a troll and if he isn't, then he is either using very thinly veiled sarcasm...or is expressing his disdain towards LTR due to something that happened to him.
First of all, reasearch and common sense shows that couples who marry very quickly are more likely to divorce than couples who marry after knowing each other and courting each other for some time. It is not just research that compells others to wait to get married-- the Bible speaks about love, real love, not seeing stars in the skies (not that it's a bad thing). But the Bible compels a wife to submit to her husband as to the Lord, and a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the Church.
That takes a lot of understanding to happen and a lot of love. Two people who are in the initial working stages of a relationship will no necessary have the understanding of each other to respect what the Bible has said about marriage.
Yes when you find someone you really love and want to spend the rest of your life with, you marry them. But you marry them within reason and within a reasonable amount of time.
Part of being in a long term relationship is to be a precursor to marriage-- after all, a couple years together is not much compared to a lifetime together, but it gives you a good glimpse. In all honesty, if a couple has only been together for 6 months and can't reasonably work out their problems together, what really makes them think that they can get married and they will be able to work the problems out? simply because they got married? You're supposed to be able to work these problems out before you get married this way you are better prepared with stress coping skills and know how you both will work things out together in a way that is fitting.
I don't necessarily agree with the "bombastic" wedding either but that is my personal choice. My bf and I want a wedding where our families and close friends are invited so they can witness and share the day with us. A wedding is one of the few shared and celebrated things a married couple can actually express to others, because many of the things about marriage are meant to be private. Why not take that day to be with the people who care about you and you them? Noone says you have to spend thousands of dollars. Noone says you invite strangers of all people (one would also think that you and your future spouse would bother introducing each other to these people) and noone says there needs to be alcohol or horrendous dancing. I for one won't have any alcohol at my wedding (we're going to use sparkling white grape juice instead
) or horrendous dancing (I'm planning on having us take ballroom dance lessons together). But if a couple wants to have alcohol or spend lots of money, hey it's their wedding.Get married in vegas or city hall? To be honest many Christians would rather have their marriages blessed, conducted and overseen by a pastor or priest and done in a church. Getting married like that is by no means a guarantee that it will be successful, but it is a good indicator for the seriousness that needs to be considered.
Marriages are a covenant and should be treated as such from beginning to end-- not like Britney Spears' 54-hour shabang. I may be reading into things but you don't seem to care much for it considering what you've said.
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I
Inperfected
Guest
Heh... you sure did... but it was a REALLY well timed end.
I really liked your last post (not the killed it one either!)
I really liked your last post (not the killed it one either!)
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dusky_tresses
Just holding on
heehee thanks...
But the OP isn't the only one who dislikes LTR. A lot of Christians think it's too much to ask to not get married within 2 years of being together, let alone not getting engaged 1 year. I think that is nuts IMO.
But the OP isn't the only one who dislikes LTR. A lot of Christians think it's too much to ask to not get married within 2 years of being together, let alone not getting engaged 1 year. I think that is nuts IMO.
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I
Inperfected
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I do agree with you there...
I personally agree that having a long term relationship can be a good thing in 'some' cases. If you are at the point where you could marry him or her, (and it turns into fear of commitment or something alike that,) then it's not good to do always.
However, i do agree with short engagements.
I personally agree that having a long term relationship can be a good thing in 'some' cases. If you are at the point where you could marry him or her, (and it turns into fear of commitment or something alike that,) then it's not good to do always.
However, i do agree with short engagements.
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dusky_tresses
Just holding on
Someone mentioned to me that me not being engaged at "this time" was a little too long. My bf and I have only been together for 2 years and 6 months. Is that really that long??
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