My christian friend has got engaged to a non christian

[DragonFox91]

Churches need to do a better job of discouraging this. It just has bad idea written all over it. I don't even know why a believer would want to marry or date a non-believer. I sure wouldn't. Not only could it drag me down, but my faith is important to me & I want to be able to share that. I don't understand what the religious partner in these situations is thinking. I suspect in these situations there's stuff going on behind the scenes...

Not surprised it's the girl in this situation.....

 

[bèlla]

Not surprised it's the girl in this situation.....

Men do it too. I dated a couple during my wilderness. I'm pretty certain I could do the same today. You can find a God-fearing woman who's feminine, marriage minded, and desires a family. But you won't find many who'll embrace your leadership and give you the reigns. That's a rarity.

 

[tdidymas]

Churches need to do a better job of discouraging this. It just has bad idea written all over it. I don't even know why a believer would want to marry or date a non-believer. I sure wouldn't. Not only could it drag me down, but my faith is important to me & I want to be able to share that. I don't understand what the religious partner in these situations is thinking. I suspect in these situations there's stuff going on behind the scenes...

Not surprised it's the girl in this situation.....

No doubt men do the same sometimes. But, once I went to a singles meeting at a church I wasn't attending. When getting refreshments I overheard a critical conversation among some young women. Several were trying to get one to abandon her relationship with a man a few years her senior, because he was an unbeliever. But she was addicted to him, and wanted to marry him, even though he was non-committal. Then I asked her if he tried to get her into bed with him, and she said yes, several times. I told her he didn't respect her. She got so upset, she left the room and went outside. Later I was concerned that I had strengthened her resolve to her foolishness, but another guy assured me I did the right thing. I don't know the final outcome of it, but hope that a difference was made with her among her closer friends. It just shows how romantic feelings can become an addiction hard to break by mere words of wisdom.

I've also seen several women dive into romantic feelings for me when it was not reciprocated, and after the necessary confrontation, most of them had to leave the church because they couldn't handle it. Only one out of 5 actually worked it out and stayed friends. The reason she gave was that our friendship was more important to her.

 

[bèlla]

It just shows how romantic feelings can become an addiction hard to break by mere words of wisdom.

I know the issue. I don't believe unsaved men are the solution. I wrestled with the same and had many discussions with the Lord about the opposite sex. I said I wouldn't marry. I was giving up too much in my opinion. Thankfully He resolved it.

I've also seen several women dive into romantic feelings for me when it was not reciprocated, and after the necessary confrontation, most of them had to leave the church because they couldn't handle it. Only one out of 5 actually worked it out and stayed friends. The reason she gave was that our friendship was more important to her.

I've experienced the same from unsaved and Christian men. Befriending them isn't an option. They don't respect my boundaries.

 

[tdidymas]

I've experienced the same from unsaved and Christian men. Befriending them isn't an option. They don't respect my boundaries.

I think communication is the key. To confront (in a graceful way) if "red flags" are detected, in order to nip the problem in the bud, to communicate that romantic feelings can't be reciprocated. You're communicating your boundary, and it's up to them to figure out how to deal with it (that part is between them and God). I know how difficult it is, because it seems like you're hurting them. But it's better than ignoring it and letting them continue with their fantasy. It's just unfortunate that many times they can't handle it and even might blame you for hurting them, but that's their problem, not yours.

And it's not advisable to befriend a person of the opposite sex who is not a Christian, or who may be a very immature Christian, since it may not be possible for them to set their own boundary between friendship and romance. Misunderstandings are common and many times hurtful.

 

[bèlla]

I know how difficult it is, because it seems like you're hurting them. But it's better than ignoring it and letting them continue with their fantasy. It's just unfortunate that many times they can't handle it and even might blame you for hurting them, but that's their problem, not yours.

If I sense they're interested I'll ask and give them an answer. If they tell me I'll do the same. I don't want anyone entertaining an idea that will never come to pass. They can direct their attention to suitors who reciprocate.

And it's not advisable to befriend a person of the opposite sex who is not a Christian, or who may be a very immature Christian, since it may not be possible for them to set their own boundary between friendship and romance. Misunderstandings are common and many times hurtful.

My closest connections are with Christian women. I tell them my secrets. I don't believe in bearing my heart to men unless we're in a relationship or I've known them a long time (15 years or more). I know what to expect from them and their intentions. I don't have male BFFs.

 

[tdidymas]

If I sense they're interested I'll ask and give them an answer. If they tell me I'll do the same. I don't want anyone entertaining an idea that will never come to pass. They can direct their attention to suitors who reciprocate.


My closest connections are with Christian women. I tell them my secrets. I don't believe in bearing my heart to men unless we're in a relationship or I've known them a long time (15 years or more). I know what to expect from them and their intentions. I don't have male BFFs.

I was suggesting to confront only if the signs are there. If they're looking at you with goo-goo eyes, stalking you, friends are telling you of his feelings, etc. In times past I avoided confrontation because I wanted to be "nice," but found out I was just delaying the inevitable while making it worse. A few times it came as a complete surprise.

 

[bèlla]

I was suggesting to confront only if the signs are there. If they're looking at you with goo-goo eyes, stalking you, friends are telling you of his feelings, etc. In times past I avoided confrontation because I wanted to be "nice," but found out I was just delaying the inevitable while making it worse. A few times it came as a complete surprise.

It's not an issue r/t anymore. I don't have the same level of contact I did in the past. The only way I encounter it now is on the Internet.

I agree, delaying makes things worse.