My christian friend has got engaged to a non christian

[BenCollyer91]

and a part of me feels cheated, I don't want to be unequally yoked because I feel that verse isnt a suggestion but a command, for Gods glory, and mine and my future spouses benefit

but I notice that women in particular within the church are happy to settle, my female friend has got engaged to an unbeliever and I feel cheated, maybe I should marry an unbeliever aswell? surely it can't be so bad if alot of people are disregarding that verse?

 

[public hermit]

female friend has got engaged to an unbeliever and I feel cheated,

Do you feel cheated because she didn't marry you? There are others.

I take it the practical considerations of marrying a non-believer are most important. Christians, presumably, are going to have commitments that a non-believing spouse might not understand or like, such as how finances are handled, how kids are raised, and leisure time spent.

The other side is, it could absolutely be to a non-believer's advantage to marry a Christian. They will be prayed for, which is nice. If the Christian spouse bears any fruit worth mentioning, they will probably be treated graciously, lovingly, tenderly, and will have a mate for life (presumably, of course). One would think everyone would be trying to hook up with a Christian, since the fruit of the Spirit are just the sort of qualities that clear thinking people are looking for in a spouse.

Fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control

 

[BenCollyer91]

Do you feel cheated because she didn't marry you? There are others.

I take it the practical considerations of marrying a non-believer are most important. Christians, presumably, are going to have commitments that a non-believing spouse might not understand or like, such as how finances are handled, how kids are raised, and leisure time spent.

The other side is, it could absolutely be to a non-believer's advantage to marry a Christian. They will be prayed for, which is nice. If the Christian spouse bears any fruit worth mentioning, they will probably be treated graciously, lovingly, tenderly, and will have a mate for life (presumably, of course). One would think everyone would be trying to hook up with a Christian, since the fruit of the Spirit are just the sort of qualities that clear thinking people are looking for in a spouse.

Fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control

but its a command

 

[Hezekiah81]

and a part of me feels cheated, I don't want to be unequally yoked because I feel that verse isnt a suggestion but a command, for Gods glory, and mine and my future spouses benefit

but I notice that women in particular within the church are happy to settle, my female friend has got engaged to an unbeliever and I feel cheated, maybe I should marry an unbeliever aswell? surely it can't be so bad if alot of people are disregarding that verse?

Don't compromise with the world abide in God most high's word and he will bless you.

 

[tdidymas]

and a part of me feels cheated, I don't want to be unequally yoked because I feel that verse isnt a suggestion but a command, for Gods glory, and mine and my future spouses benefit

but I notice that women in particular within the church are happy to settle, my female friend has got engaged to an unbeliever and I feel cheated, maybe I should marry an unbeliever aswell? surely it can't be so bad if alot of people are disregarding that verse?

IMO you should carefully read and pray about 2 Cor. 6:14. People who live after the flesh (because they aren't born of God) can cause lots of trouble. For such a significant change of life, don't you think you ought to seek God's direction? If not, are you prepared to take on a whole new set of problems, sins, and obstacles to happiness?

My pastor wrote a very wise list of principles concerning this situation:
Titled: How to Fall into the Arms of God's Right Man or Woman for You

1. You both must be connected to God (believers in Christ)
2. You must be in agreement on core values associated with a life relationship:
A. What you believe about God
B. What you believe about people
C. What you believe about things
3. You must be on your way to becoming emotionally healthy (how you respond to crisis)
4. You must be in agreement about 4 structures of authority:
parents, church leaders, government, employers
5. You must allow a time frame that fosters knowledge about the other person
6. You must be free from marital attachments (not going through divorce)
7. You must focus on inner appearance (integrity)
8. You must follow 3 instructions:
A. Stop hunting - lose the angst about finding a mate
B. Affirm the truth you can be successful in every area as a single
C. Ask God to bring you the mate you wish (and trust Him for it)
9. You must sacrifice your right to have a mate (put God first)
10. You must move forward with no fear (confidence about God's will in your relationship)

Whatever you do, communicate well.

 

[ReesePiece23]

When all is said and done, a LOT of people are just weak willed....

There's a reason why there's only one Jeff Bezos and about a million employees working under him. And there's a reason why Elon gets to play around with space rockets in the midst of an economic collapse. It's not luck, it's will power. It's having the courage to take those extra steps that are difficult, uncomfortable - and essentially, render your body to a trembling, anxiety sodden, MESS.

Few do it, but most tap into the basic survival instinct and want it NOW. Even at the cost of losing 99.99999% of their potential prize.

Whatever boot fits for YOU, wear it. I'll wish you well either way. (I'm just down the road from you by the way.)

 

[public hermit]

but its a command

I get it if your upset and resentful, feeling your prospects of a future wife are being whittled down because your friend married a non-believer, but has it not occurred to you it's perhaps to your advantage since it saved you from marrying someone who would marry a non-believer? There are plenty of people out there. You'll find someone worth the wait.

 

[BenCollyer91]

I get it if your upset and resentful, feeling your prospects of a future wife are being whittled down because your friend married a non-believer, but has it not occurred to you it's perhaps to your advantage since it saved you from marrying someone who would marry a non-believer? There are plenty of people out there. You'll find someone worth the wait.

oh, I have no interest in her romantically

 

[Eftsoon]

and a part of me feels cheated, I don't want to be unequally yoked because I feel that verse isnt a suggestion but a command, for Gods glory, and mine and my future spouses benefit

but I notice that women in particular within the church are happy to settle, my female friend has got engaged to an unbeliever and I feel cheated, maybe I should marry an unbeliever aswell? surely it can't be so bad if alot of people are disregarding that verse?

I don't think that you're observing a widespread pattern. The verse does seem to be quite clear. Practically it is pre eminently clear why. Your unbelieving partner will not understand why your heart mind body and soul belong to Christ first and them second. That's an irreconciliable difference. They can't participate in that relationship, and either you will reduce your commitment to Christ or you may grow distant. I suppose in the rarest of cases it can work out, but that's seriously remote.

 

[bèlla]

I posted something yesterday regarding this issue.

Your friend’s behavior has no personal bearing on your marital prospects. Her decision to join with an unbeliever doesn’t lessen the pool or minimize the women who’d find you appealing. They still exist.

The majority aren't settling. They made a conscious choice. Christians are indirectly influenced by the imagery and ideals promoted in society and social media.

Most women don’t look like Insta girls and most guys aren’t that cool. When you see that in relation to the person beside you they fall short. You have a different idea in your head and rarely find it.

Christianity doesn’t attract the cool kids. There’s a smattering but it’s not the norm. Realigning your perspective is necessary.

~bella

 

[angelsaroundme]

I doubt most Christians consider that a commandment. It may be viewed more as a suggestion.

"To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." - 1 Corinthians 7:12-14

"Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they refuse to believe the word, they will be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see your pure and reverent demeanor." - 1 Peter 3:1-2

 

[High Fidelity]

surely it can't be so bad if alot of people are disregarding that verse?

Ignore what the many are doing. The majority, even amongst professing Christians, will not enter heaven. The bible is very clear about this.

You shouldn’t feel cheated. Encourage your friend to seek proper spiritual and pre-marital counselling from a solid pastor and remind them that their marriage would be an open rebellion against God.

Tread lightly. They will be on the defensive from the beginning; being dogmatic will only entrench them in their decision.

 

[bèlla]

I doubt most Christians consider that a commandment. It may be viewed more as a suggestion.

What is a suggestion?

"To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy."

He was speaking to people already married whose spouse came to faith and the other didn't.

"Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they refuse to believe the word, they will be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see your pure and reverent demeanor." - 1 Peter 3:1-2

Spousal evangelism can be tricky due to proximity. Behavior is more effective. Teaching often arrives in a different guise—another person not the spouse. If you've ever seen this in action you'll understand the reason for its inclusion.

 

[public hermit]

Christianity doesn’t attract the cool kids

Speak for yourself.

Wait, you're cool, so I guess a few slip through.

 

[Mark Quayle]

and a part of me feels cheated, I don't want to be unequally yoked because I feel that verse isnt a suggestion but a command, for Gods glory, and mine and my future spouses benefit

but I notice that women in particular within the church are happy to settle, my female friend has got engaged to an unbeliever and I feel cheated, maybe I should marry an unbeliever aswell? surely it can't be so bad if alot of people are disregarding that verse?

That perhaps could be better taken on as some very good advice, as opposed to a set-of-rules command, so that you are free to try to understand what the reasons are behind it. I can tell you this from experience: Not only are the reasons for not being unequally yoked with an unbeliever good reasons, but the same problems are possible, by being unequally yoked with a believer.

Unthinking submission to a rule can still cause all sorts of problems and heartache.

 

[Lost4words]

I believe that sometimes, God may put 2 people together like this as He knows a conversion to Christianity is on the cards!

Who knows!

 

[angelsaroundme]

What is a suggestion?



He was speaking to people already married whose spouse came to faith and the other didn't.



Spousal evangelism can be tricky due to proximity. Behavior is more effective. Teaching often arrives in a different guise—another person not the spouse. If you've ever seen this in action you'll understand the reason for its inclusion.

By suggestion I mean more like advice as another person stated.

As for the verses I posted, the point was that the Bible states that good can come from a Christian being with a non-Christian. You don't see that positive perspective in regards to other stuff the Bible advises against. Not that I can think of at any rate.

 

[bèlla]

Speak for yourself.

Wait, you're cool, so I guess a few slip through.

Yeah.

 

[bèlla]

By suggestion I mean more like advice as another person stated.

The bible makes a point of demonstrating the impact of God fearing connections and those where the person feels otherwise. You see examples from the old to new testaments.

I've been in this situation and had the opportunity for companionship after I came to faith. But I declined in deference to my beliefs. I chose to labor for his salvation instead. The snippet I posted earlier is a reference to that situation.

At some point we all want to share the things we enjoy with our companion. Christians in unequally yoked marriages don't have the ability to do so. I know what they go through. I made a point of finding out and reading everything I could while ministering to him. It kept me accountable.

The bond between man and woman didn't lessen their want to share the same with God. Two of the women He placed in my life during that period were living the same. One was disobedient and admitted she knew better when she did it.

She broke down in a flood of tears and wails in our bible class. That was her secret. It took 20 years before he opened. I was there when it happened. The Lord made her walk it out. Others waited 15 to 30 years. I've heard their stories. I wouldn't trade places for anything.

As for the verses I posted, the point was that the Bible states that good can come from a Christian being with a non-Christian. You don't see that positive perspective in regards to other stuff the Bible advises against. Not that I can think of at any rate.

In most instances, the Christian is more influenced by the other than the reverse. Which is why they teach against missionary dating. The believer usually falls away over time.

As for non carnal connections, you can be a positive influence. But only to the measure they allow (as with others) and their progress in the Lord. He knows the timetable. We're guessing.

You can make the bible say anything you want if it aligns with your perspective. It's a question of surrender and ceding your will for His. Some people are more malleable than others. They have an innate desire to yield. Even when His will opposes their own. Thou is greatest.

I didn't lose anything in my relinquishment. I gained more than I had before I made it. At the conclusion of my ministry to him I received my calling and the blueprint for the way forward. I was placed in the company of people who'd help me accomplish it. Reunited with my best friend and given others to replace the ones I laid down. And He healed my infirmities.

He brought a man with the skills the other possessed and then some. And he had industry experience to support my purpose. He noticed me while I was helping others find the thing I lacked: a companion. My advice led him to my doorstep.

Obedience is better than sacrifice. There's no upside to doing things our way.

 

[Sketcher]

and a part of me feels cheated, I don't want to be unequally yoked because I feel that verse isnt a suggestion but a command, for Gods glory, and mine and my future spouses benefit

but I notice that women in particular within the church are happy to settle, my female friend has got engaged to an unbeliever and I feel cheated, maybe I should marry an unbeliever aswell? surely it can't be so bad if alot of people are disregarding that verse?

1) It is a command, not a suggestion, to not be unequally yoked, and marriage is a form of yoking.
2) Those who disobey this command will get the pain of being married to an unbelieving spouse. And if they don't convert, that pain will be for life.
3) I therefore don't see why you should feel cheated, she's the one that opted for a bad deal.