My Christian boyfriend cheated on me.

[sincerelyW]

Just today, my college boyfriend of 2 years told me that he cheated (yes, all the way...) on me with his ex girlfriend a few weeks ago when I was back home. I am 21, he is 23.

I'm devastated. When we first started dating, we weren't following God. We fornicated and even moved in together for a year. In January, we gave our lives back to the Lord and stopped having sex and I moved into the dorms here at college and we've been pure ever since. We've been strong ever since, but nothing was perfect. We attended church, womens/mens group and even got baptized together. I always prayed for us and others prayed for our relationship as well. I truly want to follow God with everything I am and I have truly surrendered my life and my relationship to God. I know He has a better plan, but I am so broken and torn. I feel betrayed. I ended it right there and have no intentions of seeing him again.

To be honest, I want to go back home to California and be with my family. I have 2 semesters left in college but I am on the other side of the country and I feel so lonely and I have no friends. I have 5 classes and a job I have to walk to and I don't have a car to even go buy myself food. The ONLY reason I came back to college this year was for my boyfriend. To be honest, I don't think I will be able to even focus on school and do well with the state I am in.

I called my pastor and explained everything and his advice was to wait it out to see what God wants me to do, but I really don't know when I'll even find that out. I feel like I should go back home. I don't see any sense in staying here anymore. I am just so ripped up and confused. I would really love to hear from fellow sisters and brothers in Christ. Thank you...

In Him,
W

 

[LaSorcia]

I am so sorry he did this to you. It feels horrid to be betrayed and in such a personal way too. I don't see any reason why anyone should put up with infidelity if not married. Even if married, Jesus said we didn't have to put up with continued adultery.

Can I ask you a favor? Please, please, please will you stay in college? Like you said, you only have 2 semesters to go- so close! Don't let him ruin this for you! I can so understand feeling alone and lonely. Two semesters will go fast, and who knows something good might happen, and then you will have graduated. In spite of your bf. Something to be proud of!

 

[RC1970]

Help me out. How can someone cheat on you if you're not married to them?

 

[Travelers.Soul]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I will be praying for you. I would encourage you to sleep on it and pray about it before you make a decision about college. You are very close to the end so the decision you make should be one you weigh carefully. I would listen to your pastor's advice. If you see that you truly cannot function and continue then I would reevaluate the situation. Have you talked to your family about what has happened?

Help me out. How can someone cheat on you if you're not married to them?

Cheating does not only happen within marriage. In any serious relationship (dating or engaged) one person can cheat on another. In this case her boyfriend betrayed her trust and cheated on her by sleeping with his ex-girlfriend.

 

[RC1970]

Cheating does not only happen within marriage. In any serious relationship (dating or engaged) one person can cheat on another. In this case her boyfriend betrayed her trust and cheated on her by sleeping with his ex-girlfriend.

Sounds like they were both cheating to me. So, maybe it would be a good time for her to do something mature and finish college.

I know, I know, I'm sooooo insensitive.

 

[sincerelyW]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I will be praying for you. I would encourage you to sleep on it and pray about it before you make a decision about college. You are very close to the end so the decision you make should be one you weigh carefully. I would listen to your pastor's advice. If you see that you truly cannot function and continue then I would reevaluate the situation. Have you talked to your family about what has happened?

Thank you. Yes I did talk to my family and they also want me to weigh my decision. Everything is turning me to go home and try to finish my degree online or with a worldwide campus there (my college has an annex in my area). I am just so lost.

 

[lunabeam]

I'm sorry this happened to you, beloved. But here is the simple fact: There is a reason for everything. Learn from this, let this make you wiser. Focus on God, pray diligently and crack open that Bible of yours. Living on earth is not easy, yet here you are, living and breathing and proving that you're strong enough for it. Every time your heart beats, every time your lungs expand, God is telling you, "keep on living, I'm not finished with you yet." Just focus on that. Feeling betrayal from someone close to you stings, it penetrates the heart. But I'm telling you now, this is a time to listen carefully to the Lord. He's got something ready for you, something planned that will come soon. Stick it out, just for Him. Don't listen to those doubtful, giving-up feelings. Ask God.

The pain you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming. - Romans 8:18

♥ MUCH LOVE! I will pray for you, love. But if you find yourself running into a wall like this, don't bang your head on it, questioning why you're there. Instead, ask Jesus to lead you around it.

 

[Mister_Al]

You're right that your boyfriend has betrayed your trust. Now, you have two choices--you can forgive him and take him back, or you can forgive him and walk away from him. Either way you're going to have to forgive him or you'll give bitterness a chance to get a foothold in your life.

I'll pray for you.

Alan

 

[Travelers.Soul]

I know it is difficult and heartbreaking to have someone you love betray your trust. If your family and your pastor are both telling you similar things then maybe you should heed their advice. In the end it's your decision but it would be a shame to stop when you are so close to finishing.

Sounds like they were both cheating to me. So, maybe it would be a good time for her to do something mature and finish college.
I know, I know, I'm sooooo insensitive.

What do you mean it sounds like they both cheated? Unless you mean the boyfriend and his ex...
Well, at least you know it.

 

[BFine]

Ephesians 4:22-32
You took off your former way of life, the old self that
is corrupted by deceitful desires; you are being renewed
in the spirit of your minds; you put on the new self, the
one created according to God's likeness in righteousness
and purity of truth.

Since you put away lying, Speak the truth, each one to
his neighbor, because we are members of one another.
Be angry and do not sin.
Don't let the sun go down on your anger, and don't
give the Devil an opportunity.

Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him
labour, working with his hands the thing which is good,
that he may have to give to him that needeth.

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your
mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying,
that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby you
are sealed unto the day of redemption.

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor,
and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all
malice: And be kind one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you
in Christ.

 

[Psalm3704]

Hi sincerelyW,

Here's the cause of the problem.

We fornicated

It doesn't mean you're a bad person. You're doing what this world is doing and not realize what God wants.

Here's the reason why.

Revelation 3:19
I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.

Hebrews 12:6
For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child."

Proverbs 3:12
because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.​

This may or may not make sense to you now but consider yourself lucky and it is good news. Those He leaves to continue their way of life in sin will be discipline someday but in place they don't want to be. So you do have His attention and He's working with you now (and not later) trying to make you a better person.

Here's what you do. Keep doing it this, do not stop, do not give up or give in, continue to follow them persistently throughout your life.

1 John 5:3
In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome,
​

This is the best way to show God/Jesus you love Him ~ (1 John 5:3). It's also the fastest way to get the relationship up.

John 14:15
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.

John 14:21-23
21 Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them."
22 Judas (not Judas Iscariot, but the other disciple with that name) said to him, "Lord, why are you going to reveal yourself only to us and not to the world at large?"
23 Jesus replied, "All who love me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them.

1 John 2:3-4
3 And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. 4 Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him,​

Contrary to most belief, Christians don't immediately get the holy spirit to guide them once they accept Christ into their life. True Christian follow and practice Christ's commandments and not merely believe in Him. You have to step out in faith first and follow in obedience, then when God sees your desire to follow His commandments, He is faithful and will act on it and send you the holy spirit to guide you in your growth. This is when the holy spirit will come as God comes to live within you. But you have to do your part first. Without the spirit, your ears and thoughts are more in tune to the sins of this world. Only when God see you fight the desires of this world and keep His commandments will He keep His promise and send the holy spirit, who will guide you into all truth.

John 14:15-17
15 “If you love Me, keep My commandments. 16 And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.

Then the bible comes to life and many things will be reveal to you as Christ will reveal many things to you through the holy spirit.

John 8:31-36
31 So Jesus said to those who believed in him, “If you obey my teaching, you are really my disciples; 32 you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

33 “We are the descendants of Abraham,” they answered, “and we have never been anybody's slaves. What do you mean, then, by saying, ‘You will be free’?”

34 Jesus said to them, “I am telling you the truth: everyone who sins is a slave of sin. 35 A slave does not belong to a family permanently, but a son belongs there forever. 36 If the Son sets you free, then you will be really free.​

John 16:13
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.
​

Some of this might go over your head even if you know what the words mean but someday as you become more mature in God's word and after receiving the holy spirit, all this will make sense to you. You'll know someday, the bible will come alive through the holy spirit as Christ will reveal many things to you....if you are by then His disciple.

So if you do your part and obey His commandments and He'll faithfully do His part and take away all your problems. All your problems will disappear. You'll get your boyfriend back, and he'll be better than before.....that's if you still want the same boyfriend.

Psalm 34:19 NCV People who do what is right may have many problems, but the Lord will solve them all.
​

Many times Christians don't understand why their life is filled with problems and struggles. It's because God is trying to get their attention and stop doing bad. Sometimes they try to solve their problems by going to doctors, psychiatrists or counselors. That problem might temporarily go away but soon a new problem pops up. And the cycle will continues nonstop. A new boyfriend or new husband or new job or new town or new church, but the same old problem keeps following them.

And problems never go away till they truly follow God in obedience. Then He perform miracles and takes away the problems. It's because the sins we all commit pushes God's hand of protection away from us, allowing demonic forces to penetrate our life and create problems.

Christ's two most important commandments are love God and love others. Put 99% of your effort into these two commandments. Here's big a tip. God said to show love for Him by keeping His commandments ~ 1 John 5:4. Well it seems redundant since His first commandment is to love Him. So how does one show love for God? By showing love to others.

Christian Way of Life
Sin ===> Problems

Stop Sinning ===> Peace, Obedience ===> Happiness​

 

[Albion]

Hello, sincerelyW.

This is a terrible setback and I feel bad for you. It probably is not going to be easy to come back from it, certainly not in the short run. However, the advice you've received is good advice.

1) Don't do anything in a hurry. You are in a confused and vulnerable state at present, which is when we do things impetuously. The pastor's advice to avoid acting abruptly is worth taking.

2) The other thing is "Do not quit college" this close to graduation. You will probably find a small measure of comfort by going home now, but you will regret later on that you didn't finish up what you've already invested so much time, effort, and money into and stand to benefit so much from--having the degree, that is. And don't give in to the rationalization that "I'll finish up when things settle down."

Best wishes.

 

[Niblo]

Just today, my college boyfriend of 2 years told me that he cheated (yes, all the way...) on me with his ex girlfriend a few weeks ago when I was back home. I am 21, he is 23.

I'm devastated. When we first started dating, we weren't following God. We fornicated and even moved in together for a year. In January, we gave our lives back to the Lord and stopped having sex and I moved into the dorms here at college and we've been pure ever since. We've been strong ever since, but nothing was perfect. We attended church, womens/mens group and even got baptized together. I always prayed for us and others prayed for our relationship as well. I truly want to follow God with everything I am and I have truly surrendered my life and my relationship to God. I know He has a better plan, but I am so broken and torn. I feel betrayed. I ended it right there and have no intentions of seeing him again.

To be honest, I want to go back home to California and be with my family. I have 2 semesters left in college but I am on the other side of the country and I feel so lonely and I have no friends. I have 5 classes and a job I have to walk to and I don't have a car to even go buy myself food. The ONLY reason I came back to college this year was for my boyfriend. To be honest, I don't think I will be able to even focus on school and do well with the state I am in.

I called my pastor and explained everything and his advice was to wait it out to see what God wants me to do, but I really don't know when I'll even find that out. I feel like I should go back home. I don't see any sense in staying here anymore. I am just so ripped up and confused and feeling worthless. I would really love to hear from fellow sisters and brothers in Christ. Thank you...

In Him,
W

Hello,

You say you have surrendered to the Beloved, and that you know He has a ‘better plan’ for you.

Trust you faith in Him; and trust the people you know, especially your pastor. You must have confidence in this man, otherwise you would not have confided in him.

You were baptised after your ‘fornication’ and therefore - according to your Faith - all your sins (including that one) were washed away. When the Beloved forgives sin He forgets about it, and so should you.

As for your ‘boyfriend’: what’s done is done. It is so, and it cannot be otherwise. It hurts, but this will pass. I cannot advise what is best for you, since I don’t know you well enough. Your pastor does. I’d be inclined to follow his advice (even more than that of your family) since his is the more likely to be unbiased.

May you find the happiness (and the husband) you deserve; and may the Lord of Mercy bring you to Himself.

 

[Odetta]

It took strength to step away from sin when you were in the middle of it, and change your life to be in obedience to God when you stopped living with and sleeping with your boyfriend. God will honor that obedience by giving you strength to work through this pain, if you let him. Pray through it, don't make rash and possibly permanent decisions based on temporarily volatile emotions. You are so close to finishing school, do not let this derail you. God can get you through this. He will.

 

[Bass4Jesus]

This has Satan's fingerprints all over it. (Yeah, Satan, you got caught, and I'm the one who caught you.)

How does Satan work? By influencing the decisions you make -- trying to get you to make choices that will turn your future into a train wreck. What he's doing to you is a classic example.

And he'll strike when you're at your weakest and your emotions are at full boil. He knows if you give yourself a week to cool off before you decide anything, there's no way he'll be able to get you to do something totally dumb like quit school. That's why he's hitting you hard right now.

To support his main objective, he'll also warp how you think about peripheral situations, until they make no sense at all. For example, I can guarantee you no one at that school or in the neighborhood has ever starved to death because she didn't own a car to go to the grocery store. That's just FUD, and it's so transparently Satan-authored.

 

[pdudgeon]

i agree, the task now is to run the race that is set before you.
The temptation to quit at this stage is a very common one, and there is a reason behind it as well
that you may not have thought of.

what you are in now is a marathon race to graduation. this is the time when things change in your learning.
before this you were taking in information like a sponge,
but now is the time when you begin to put all that info to work.
Everything steps up a gear, but you also have new opportunities that were not there before.

it will be a challenge, but you have been training for years now, and are well prepared for it.

as with any race there are distractions as well as challenges along the way, and never more so than on
the last leg of the race.
there will be the distractions that tell you you can't make it, that you're tired, confused,
doubting why you are running, and just putting one step in front of the other is getting harder and harder to do.

Sound familiar? It should, because every single person who is just within reach of achieving their dream
has had to deal with these same exact feelings.

What these feelings should be telling you is that you have achieved a great deal indeed, and that you are
far more capable that you ever thought you were.

yes, there will be distractions along that last mile of the race that are designed to throw you off course.
but think about it;
did you ever see someone crossing the finish line toting a BBQ grille, or a cooler of cold drinks, or a lawn chair?
NOPE!

and the reason they passed those temptations by is because they kept their eyes on that finish line ahead of them,
knowing that reaching that goal was much more important than the things that could turn them aside from the race,
or give them ease from the temporary discomfort that they were feeling.

so instead of listening to the pain they listened instead to the crowd of well-wishers cheering them on, as they came ever closer to that
victory at the finish line of triumph. They broke through their doubts and they gained the crown!

you can do the same thing.

 

[SinnerInTheHands]

Just today, my college boyfriend of 2 years told me that he cheated (yes, all the way...) on me with his ex girlfriend a few weeks ago when I was back home. I am 21, he is 23.

I'm devastated. When we first started dating, we weren't following God. We fornicated and even moved in together for a year. In January, we gave our lives back to the Lord and stopped having sex and I moved into the dorms here at college and we've been pure ever since. We've been strong ever since, but nothing was perfect. We attended church, womens/mens group and even got baptized together. I always prayed for us and others prayed for our relationship as well. I truly want to follow God with everything I am and I have truly surrendered my life and my relationship to God. I know He has a better plan, but I am so broken and torn. I feel betrayed. I ended it right there and have no intentions of seeing him again.

To be honest, I want to go back home to California and be with my family. I have 2 semesters left in college but I am on the other side of the country and I feel so lonely and I have no friends. I have 5 classes and a job I have to walk to and I don't have a car to even go buy myself food. The ONLY reason I came back to college this year was for my boyfriend. To be honest, I don't think I will be able to even focus on school and do well with the state I am in.

I called my pastor and explained everything and his advice was to wait it out to see what God wants me to do, but I really don't know when I'll even find that out. I feel like I should go back home. I don't see any sense in staying here anymore. I am just so ripped up and confused and feeling worthless. I would really love to hear from fellow sisters and brothers in Christ. Thank you...

In Him,
W

If you two had been having sexual relations together outside of marriage, that is as much of a sin.

If not, and he had had sexual relations with his ex, behind your back, you should to follow this advice [pardon the language]:

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi there; good to see you.

Maybe he even did you a favor in the sense that you now have a much clearer view of what he is like than you did before, and you've been warned as to what it would likely have been like if you had ended up marrying him.

But the most important relationship is the one with the Savior: prayer and daily Bible reading are essential.

Your studies are important. If you suddenly give them up, not only is money wasted, but it won't look good on your resume.

Blessings.

 

[sunshine456]

We cannot control how others are going to respond to us, treat us...we are instructed to love them as we love ourselves. Many of us perceive what a true believer in JESUS the son of GOD is; however just like in the parable of the "seeds" put into different types of soil they oftentimes don't always proceed in a manner that is in fellowship/following JESUS the son of GOD and do not live up to that principle we question and wonder why?

We pray for deliverance from evil and temptations for not only ourselves, but also for others, and when in our own understanding they apparently fail to or fall into the enemies snares we then become disheartened. Put your trust in GOD through his son JESUS and remain steadfast in what we see as storms. remain calm and do not allow the devil a foothold....flesh nature of bitterness, wrath, unrighteous anger; remembering that many are called few are chosen.
That trials and persecutions if you are a true believer and follower in JESUS the son of GOD, and having that eternal treasure stored up in heaven a primary principle and LOVE for the days are few.

It sounds like the enemy has encamped, and set up traps for you...it is how you respond and console; meaning with GOD through his son JESUS the high priest and intercessor that will provide you with the courage and strength in faith if you are true flock-ling.Embrace the spirit NOT the flesh and lean NOT on your own understanding, but on the grace of GOD through his son JESUS.

"Can you forgive him?"
"Is forgiveness a principle of JESUS the son of GOD?"
"Is the relationship now strained because of this issue and will it continue to be an issue?"
"Have you sought communion with JESUS CHRIST and requested any bitter roots and anger removal from your heart that might grow, take root or fester?"

"You have been shaken child, do NOT allow yourself to be stirred.....permitting no unrighteous foothold and stand strong in faith if you are a true believer."

1 Peter 5:8King James Version (KJV)
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

Praise be to GOD the heavenly father and his son lord JESUS CHRIST forever>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[GracetotheHumble]

Sounds like you are an awesome Christian woman and your boyfriend was a dirt bag. I encourage you to stay strong and finish your college education.