Hi, my name is Raymond and im 21 y/o. I have been through a lot of hardships like my bad health and my family issue in my life since im a kid. I just cant bare it anymore, i need some help...My father and mother are fighting almost everyday. I dont know why are they fighting since im always out to work. They wont even tell me the reason even if i ask, they will say "this is adult's problem not yours". My mom refuse to cook for me and my siblings, my father knew she wont cook so he always went out to eat with his friends. He will buy food for us, but its when he comes back to home at late night which passed the dinner time. My parents are very strict to me, so im not allow to use his/her car to buy some food for myself, im not allow to go out. And because of this i have pretty much to 0 friend, except the people who works with me. Im force to eat like instant noodle, cookies, breads etc...every single day. Im sick of this, i almost throw up everytime. I have always been thinking why they gave birth to me just to give me a hard life. I really wanted to punch them to make them realise they are wrong, but i know i just cant, they are my parents...My mom has mental issues/depression, she gets angry easily and will yell at anybody even when i did nothing wrong. My mom had commited several times suicide but failed all because my father stopped her, i still remember those scenes until today, its horrifiying... My father is good, i like him more than my mother, i think he just sick of my mom's behavior. Almost every fight is started by my mother. This really affect me and my siblings, im sure i have a little depression, so are my siblings. I wanted to runaway from home, but i know thats not right and i dont have enough money. Everyone else is happy when its time to go home from work except me. For me, working is much better than going back to home. Working is tiring but at least i felt safe there. In home, i felt unsafe. With the bad pressure around i cant even relax or sleep properly in home. I really dont know what to do...because of this, i had 3 times thought of ending my life, now is the 4th times. Its because i knew Christian should not commit suicide, so im still alive until today. And i knew satan is trying to get me to suicide, and im not going to let satan's plan goes well. I swear i dont want to get married or getting into relationship with anybody because i dont want my lover to get involve in this or repeat the same thing my parents did and hurts my children. I dont want to hurt or make anybody else sad. My heart hurts, words cant describe my pain. I wanted to scream as loud as possible because i felt so bad and uncomfortable, my tears wont even come out now, i dont know why, just felt so bad...While writing this, i just heard my mom shouts loudly one time downstair, i dont know what is happening. I just put my headphone on and play some musics to distract myself, im scared...Please help...
Please...please pray for me, i hope my family will get better, no fighting between my dad and mom. And for my family member's health, especially me and my mom. And thank you for reading, i felt a little better when say it all out.
Please...please pray for me, i hope my family will get better, no fighting between my dad and mom. And for my family member's health, especially me and my mom. And thank you for reading, i felt a little better when say it all out.
