Hi everybody. My name is Brittany, I'm a freshman in college, and this is my first time posting.
Recently my boyfriend told me something very disturbing (well, disturbing to me at least). It seems that when he was around seven or eight years old, his family moved to another state. When they would return to visit their family, they would stay with his aunt, uncle, and their two children, a twelve-year-old girl and an eight-year-old boy. Adam would sleep with his female cousin and his younger brother would sleep with the male. He told me that during these visits, his cousin would perform oral sex on him and would lead him to do the same to her. I was shocked into speechlessness when these words came out of his mouth (which is a rarity for me). All I could stammer was how sorry I was that this had happened to him. He told me that there was nothing to be sorry about, because he had enjoyed every minute of it. I replied that of course he enjoyed it. Even little boys like that part of their body to be stimulated, but just because my little brother giggles when I apply diaper rash ointment to that area doesn't mean that I'm going to do it to him over and over to get that reaction from him. Just because he enjoyed it doesn't make it right. The fact is, he was a little boy who, admittedly, knew nothing of sexual relations up until this point in his life and whose innocence was shattered because of it. What sickens me even more is that when I asked him if anyone else knew about this he told me that he hadn't specifically told anyone but that he was pretty sure his male cousin had done the same thing to his little brother. His little brother would have been in pre-school at this time. He rationalizes this by saying that they were all just kids, so it wasn't wrong. I feel that even if they were kids, his cousin was twelve and that is old enough to know better. The thought occurred to me that maybe something had happened to his cousins to make them do these things to him and his brother. It's not often that children start molesting other children out of the blue. He said he didn't know for certain if anything had happened to them, but that it was possible. He also told me that when he would return to his home, he would do the same things to his best friend, a little boy of the same age and that ever since then, he has masturbated nearly every day. He said if he doesn't do it, he doesn't feel physically "right". He doesn't feel this urge to touch to be sinful. I feel that, like drugs, or food or sex itself, masturbation can be an addiction. Essentially (I think....feel free to tell me I'm wrong because I am by no means an expert), the reason we become addicted to things is because we want to derive that pleasurable feeling from it that helps us escape from life and our problems. Drugs bring pleasure, sex brings pleasure, and we even draw pleasure from the act of eating. So is masturbation a sin? I don't know.
We are both Christians who go to a Christian college, but he is also a very sexually driven and sexually frustrated person and, in most instances, I have to put up the stops when we are exceeding our proper boundaries. I've often heard that some victims of rape, rather than turning completely away from sex as some do, will turn to it to such a degree that it will consume them. I thought maybe something like this had happened to him. But I can't make him see what is wrong with this situation and I don't know if I'm supposed to. He doesn't see what happened to him as being wrong, or at least that is what he tells me (I have a feeling he is merely withholding his true emotions, as he is often wont to do). I am the kind of person who likes to talk my problems to death and analyze them until I find the root of what is bothering me and I try to do that to other people sometimes. I don't want to do that to him. I don't want to hurt him or scare him or bring up old problems that he has long since buried (though he hasn't dealt with). But this obviously bothers him to some degree or he wouldn't have brought it up, and it certainly bothers me. I am in no means displeased with or ashamed of him, but I am worried for him and scared for him. I wish I could hold him and erase every bad thing that has ever happend to him, as cliche as that may sound but I know that I can't. I'm not God and I can't be his messiah, but I love him and I want to help him. Should I bring this up again and try to talk to him about it, or should I drop it and pretend it never happened? If I do talk to him, what should I say? Where do I start? Am I wrong to think this is wrong? Should this bother me as much as it does? Does the Bible say anything that would help with this situation? I am confused and sad and I've run out of answers. My prayers for him and my own Bible searching have left me even more befuddled than when I started, but something told me to turn here. I hope somebody can help me. I apologize for the length and ineloquence of this post but it is late and I am tired and emotionally drained. Thanks for any help you might be able to offer me.
Because He Lives,
Brittany
Recently my boyfriend told me something very disturbing (well, disturbing to me at least). It seems that when he was around seven or eight years old, his family moved to another state. When they would return to visit their family, they would stay with his aunt, uncle, and their two children, a twelve-year-old girl and an eight-year-old boy. Adam would sleep with his female cousin and his younger brother would sleep with the male. He told me that during these visits, his cousin would perform oral sex on him and would lead him to do the same to her. I was shocked into speechlessness when these words came out of his mouth (which is a rarity for me). All I could stammer was how sorry I was that this had happened to him. He told me that there was nothing to be sorry about, because he had enjoyed every minute of it. I replied that of course he enjoyed it. Even little boys like that part of their body to be stimulated, but just because my little brother giggles when I apply diaper rash ointment to that area doesn't mean that I'm going to do it to him over and over to get that reaction from him. Just because he enjoyed it doesn't make it right. The fact is, he was a little boy who, admittedly, knew nothing of sexual relations up until this point in his life and whose innocence was shattered because of it. What sickens me even more is that when I asked him if anyone else knew about this he told me that he hadn't specifically told anyone but that he was pretty sure his male cousin had done the same thing to his little brother. His little brother would have been in pre-school at this time. He rationalizes this by saying that they were all just kids, so it wasn't wrong. I feel that even if they were kids, his cousin was twelve and that is old enough to know better. The thought occurred to me that maybe something had happened to his cousins to make them do these things to him and his brother. It's not often that children start molesting other children out of the blue. He said he didn't know for certain if anything had happened to them, but that it was possible. He also told me that when he would return to his home, he would do the same things to his best friend, a little boy of the same age and that ever since then, he has masturbated nearly every day. He said if he doesn't do it, he doesn't feel physically "right". He doesn't feel this urge to touch to be sinful. I feel that, like drugs, or food or sex itself, masturbation can be an addiction. Essentially (I think....feel free to tell me I'm wrong because I am by no means an expert), the reason we become addicted to things is because we want to derive that pleasurable feeling from it that helps us escape from life and our problems. Drugs bring pleasure, sex brings pleasure, and we even draw pleasure from the act of eating. So is masturbation a sin? I don't know.
We are both Christians who go to a Christian college, but he is also a very sexually driven and sexually frustrated person and, in most instances, I have to put up the stops when we are exceeding our proper boundaries. I've often heard that some victims of rape, rather than turning completely away from sex as some do, will turn to it to such a degree that it will consume them. I thought maybe something like this had happened to him. But I can't make him see what is wrong with this situation and I don't know if I'm supposed to. He doesn't see what happened to him as being wrong, or at least that is what he tells me (I have a feeling he is merely withholding his true emotions, as he is often wont to do). I am the kind of person who likes to talk my problems to death and analyze them until I find the root of what is bothering me and I try to do that to other people sometimes. I don't want to do that to him. I don't want to hurt him or scare him or bring up old problems that he has long since buried (though he hasn't dealt with). But this obviously bothers him to some degree or he wouldn't have brought it up, and it certainly bothers me. I am in no means displeased with or ashamed of him, but I am worried for him and scared for him. I wish I could hold him and erase every bad thing that has ever happend to him, as cliche as that may sound but I know that I can't. I'm not God and I can't be his messiah, but I love him and I want to help him. Should I bring this up again and try to talk to him about it, or should I drop it and pretend it never happened? If I do talk to him, what should I say? Where do I start? Am I wrong to think this is wrong? Should this bother me as much as it does? Does the Bible say anything that would help with this situation? I am confused and sad and I've run out of answers. My prayers for him and my own Bible searching have left me even more befuddled than when I started, but something told me to turn here. I hope somebody can help me. I apologize for the length and ineloquence of this post but it is late and I am tired and emotionally drained. Thanks for any help you might be able to offer me.
Because He Lives,
Brittany
