My boyfriend is no longer a Christian

[s0ccergirl]

I am in a relationship with a man who is not a Christian anymore. We used to go to church together and study the bible, but over time he has shown that he has some issues with Christianity - It's not a simple matter. I actually appreciate his open mindedness, his intellect, and that he is seeking the truth. I prefer someone who is genuinely seeking truth and understanding than someone who calls himself a Christian and does the actions but is stagnant in his faith and does not care to learn and understand. I disagree with blind faith. Real faith is relying on what you have reason to believe is true and trustworthy. 1 Peter 3:15 says "...make a defense (apologia) to everyone who asks you to give an account (logos) for the hope that is in you..." Proverbs many times advises to seek knowledge and understanding.
My boyfriend really has a lot of insight and great understanding of things and if he doesn't agree with something then he will not believe it. That is a good thing I would think. Believing something just because it can make us feel better or because our friends and family believe it, is not good and not honest, but believing something because we know it to be true, through seeking and searching is good and honest.
My boyfriend doesn't have blind faith and he has some founded issues with the bible. I have struggled myself over some of these issues and still do. For example I really do struggle with the fact that God commanded the Jews to kill so many people in the Old Testament including women and children. Couldn't there have been another way considering it is God? Some of the acts of the Old Testament commanded by God in all honesty really do appear horrific and even evil.
Although I appreciate his seeking mind I do question if we should remain together. I have prayed a lot for him that God would really reveal himself to him. We have been together for 4 years now so it would be really difficult to just give up our relationship and I don't even know if God would want that. I do believe that if someone seeks the truth they will find it, and so I believe eventually he will come back to it. I pray that God will speak to him so strongly and I believe that he can be used by God in tremendous ways, especially because he has such a deep intellect and understanding of things. So I am not sure if I should break up with him because he is not a Christian. If I do break up with him, what should I tell him. Also how will I cope with the grief of the break up? I will be very sad - it will almost feel like experiencing a death- the death of the one I loved.

 

[1watchman]

Obviously your boy friend was never a Christian, except in name. If he was "Christ's one" (the Dictionary meaning), he would still be a true believer "born again" by the Spirit of God, and would be at least trying to honor and obey God.

The problem today in christendom is that anyone who says he/she goes to "church" and believes there is a god, will be accepted as a Christian. That is not real Christianity (see John 3; John 14, and 1 Jn. 5:10-12).

I am sorry for your suffering and will pray you can go on well. Look up always!

 

[lost999]

Your religious convictions must be very important to you if you can't work through your difference of opinions on the Christian faith with your boyfriend.

Everything in life is transient, including people's worldviews. People change, and end up diverging on different paths. I've experienced this with friends, and my ex, who I was together with for almost 8 years.

If you end up splitting, just be honest with him on your reasons for doing so. Most of us have to deal with a major break-up sometime in our lives. These are times for personal development.

 

[chapmic]

It is good to seek knowledge but one must be careful if we make it too much a priority. Remember knowledge puffs up but love builds up. About the OT killings, we do really do not know how evil those people were. I think the OT shows how God allowed Israel to shine so the rest of the world that did not believe in him can see how great the Hebrew God is. If the Israelites were not prosperous the rest of the civilizations will see it as every other religion and yet some people still do. Also God did not want the Israelites to marry outside of their culture because he knew that eventually the Israelites would assimilate the false gods into the Hebrew culture, which actually happened. The OT shows more about human nature, how we naturally disobey him even though we know how great his power is. And even though humans continue to disobey him God forgives them and allows a way for humans to come back to him. Stay praying for your boyfriend but do not marry him if he decides to stay an unbeliever. And he might not think he is using blind faith but he is using blind faith in thinking that he can understand all of God's reasoning. He is God and superior for a reason, we can not trick ourselves in thinking that we can figure out a better way than his. I will be praying for both of you! God bless!

 

[s0ccergirl]

Thank you, you are right, he must have never been a true believer. Thank you for your prayers.

 

[s0ccergirl]

Yes I do feel at times of pain, I rely much more heavily on God for everything and my Trust in him increases as a result

 

[Carmenere]

What has happened since this posting if may I ask?

 

[faroukfarouk]

"Can two walk together, except they be agreed? " Amos 3.3

 

[kneeskins]

Dear Soccer Girl,

I'm sorrry to hear about your boyfriend. I know it must be difficuot for you. If I were you, I would go on believing that someday he'll see the light and truly come to know God. Keep praying for him.

You might also consider explaining the historical facts surrounding Jesus and his resurrection. There is also a lot of irrefutable truth surrounding God's knowledge of future events in Daniel chapters 2 and 7. If he's looking for objective truth then those are good places to start.

With regards your concerns with Israel's mass murder of men women and children in Canaan, there are a number of issues I'd like to draw your attention to. Firstly, God is just. We know that he is good, holy, loving, etc. so he definitely would not have commanded the Israelites to do these things without justification. Secondly, the Israelites didn't kill all of them as the first part of Judges makes clear. Thirdly, when the Israelites behaved in the same way as the Canaanites many generations later, God treated them in exactly the same way and they were either killed or, if they were lucky, taken into captivity. Considering all of this, we can hardly accuse God of acting unjustly.

 

[Dibby]

I am in a relationship with a man who is not a Christian anymore. We used to go to church together and study the bible, but over time he has shown that he has some issues with Christianity - It's not a simple matter. I actually appreciate his open mindedness, his intellect, and that he is seeking the truth. I prefer someone who is genuinely seeking truth and understanding than someone who calls himself a Christian and does the actions but is stagnant in his faith and does not care to learn and understand. I disagree with blind faith. Real faith is relying on what you have reason to believe is true and trustworthy. 1 Peter 3:15 says "...make a defense (apologia) to everyone who asks you to give an account (logos) for the hope that is in you..." Proverbs many times advises to seek knowledge and understanding.
My boyfriend really has a lot of insight and great understanding of things and if he doesn't agree with something then he will not believe it. That is a good thing I would think. Believing something just because it can make us feel better or because our friends and family believe it, is not good and not honest, but believing something because we know it to be true, through seeking and searching is good and honest.
My boyfriend doesn't have blind faith and he has some founded issues with the bible. I have struggled myself over some of these issues and still do. For example I really do struggle with the fact that God commanded the Jews to kill so many people in the Old Testament including women and children. Couldn't there have been another way considering it is God? Some of the acts of the Old Testament commanded by God in all honesty really do appear horrific and even evil.
Although I appreciate his seeking mind I do question if we should remain together. I have prayed a lot for him that God would really reveal himself to him. We have been together for 4 years now so it would be really difficult to just give up our relationship and I don't even know if God would want that. I do believe that if someone seeks the truth they will find it, and so I believe eventually he will come back to it. I pray that God will speak to him so strongly and I believe that he can be used by God in tremendous ways, especially because he has such a deep intellect and understanding of things. So I am not sure if I should break up with him because he is not a Christian. If I do break up with him, what should I tell him. Also how will I cope with the grief of the break up? I will be very sad - it will almost feel like experiencing a death- the death of the one I loved.

He sounds wonderful. Why break up with him? He has his own mind, he is seeking knowledge. Christians often speak about freedom of choice, so whats the problem.

 

[madschipperke]

If you love him, love him for who he is, not what religion he subscribes to.

I have a friend who is a young earth creationist. We could not disagree more on the issue of god and creation.

But yet? We're friends.