I hope this is the best place to post this. I did not see a relationships category or something like it in the forums, so I figured this was the best.
I was texting this girl from my church that I had not known overly well a little while back and at one point in the conversation it came out to where we both confessed that we had been crushing on each other for like the last 4-5 months. Which would normally be awesome, you go out on some dates and have a relationship if that goes well... etc, etc. The problem is we both resolved to be single for 2020 back in January :/ We texted a lot and talked for hours over the phone about ourselves and we have an insane amount of stuff in common. Like even the little details. I will spare you from a long list but as just an example, both our dads have the same story where the first time they went to an Asian buffet they thought the wasabi was guacamole.
At first we thought we would be friends for now and get to know each other. We cannot actually see each other in person at the moment because she lives about an hour away and spends the school year where I am, attending the same church and going to school here. She attends the church during breaks and summer by watching the services. After a few hours of just talking we realized we were in love. So I said maybe we should call each other boyfriend and girlfriend and date like Christians, which as the world would see it these days, you are friends, but you call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. And that if you are not married, you are single according to God. I told her maybe I could drive down to where she is occasionally and we could spend a day together or go on dates, stuff like that.
She is very concerned about lusting after me. I actually used to have a huge problem with lust but with her, I just value her way more than to go down that path with her. I definitely have sexual desires for her but I am keeping them under control and not even speaking about them or thinking about them. Yesterday she started to lust after me, like saying sexual stuff in texts. I kept telling her that we have to keep that in marriage, and eventually she came back and said she felt so ashamed about herself and guilty. I told her that those sexual desires are not wrong to have, and that they are God given. That they are natural for someone you love. They just have to be contained in the context of marriage. She seemed to think that all she had for me was lust which was wrong, and I said that it was love because she has both attraction and affection for me, but I don't know if she understanding me or not yet.
I had previously explained everything that was going on to the young adult pastor at our church, how we both were definitely in love but both on a period of singleness. And he said what I said that you are single unless you are married, so we can totally date no problem and in November we should do premarital counseling, and move the relationship forward. The problem with that is I don't think I could realistically get married for another year, and she does not think she could get married for 2. So in regards to that, it is not like we can just get married to take care of the sexual desires that are between us. She is also meeting with the pastor's wife over zoom to talk about lust and everything going on.
I guess the biggest issue here is we are too in love, but don't know what to do with it all. Part of me feels we should scale back our expectations until we can see each other in person regularly. I don't know what that entails, I was hoping maybe someone had a recommendation or advice. She also feels that maybe we have to be entirely single for the rest of the year like we bot resolved too but we don't know how we would deal with our desire and love for each other. I guess I don't want to have it where we are too far apart and then when whatever period we agree to ends we might have grown apart or something like that. I really just need a lot of prayer and advice for this. Thanks.
I was texting this girl from my church that I had not known overly well a little while back and at one point in the conversation it came out to where we both confessed that we had been crushing on each other for like the last 4-5 months. Which would normally be awesome, you go out on some dates and have a relationship if that goes well... etc, etc. The problem is we both resolved to be single for 2020 back in January :/ We texted a lot and talked for hours over the phone about ourselves and we have an insane amount of stuff in common. Like even the little details. I will spare you from a long list but as just an example, both our dads have the same story where the first time they went to an Asian buffet they thought the wasabi was guacamole.
At first we thought we would be friends for now and get to know each other. We cannot actually see each other in person at the moment because she lives about an hour away and spends the school year where I am, attending the same church and going to school here. She attends the church during breaks and summer by watching the services. After a few hours of just talking we realized we were in love. So I said maybe we should call each other boyfriend and girlfriend and date like Christians, which as the world would see it these days, you are friends, but you call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. And that if you are not married, you are single according to God. I told her maybe I could drive down to where she is occasionally and we could spend a day together or go on dates, stuff like that.
She is very concerned about lusting after me. I actually used to have a huge problem with lust but with her, I just value her way more than to go down that path with her. I definitely have sexual desires for her but I am keeping them under control and not even speaking about them or thinking about them. Yesterday she started to lust after me, like saying sexual stuff in texts. I kept telling her that we have to keep that in marriage, and eventually she came back and said she felt so ashamed about herself and guilty. I told her that those sexual desires are not wrong to have, and that they are God given. That they are natural for someone you love. They just have to be contained in the context of marriage. She seemed to think that all she had for me was lust which was wrong, and I said that it was love because she has both attraction and affection for me, but I don't know if she understanding me or not yet.
I had previously explained everything that was going on to the young adult pastor at our church, how we both were definitely in love but both on a period of singleness. And he said what I said that you are single unless you are married, so we can totally date no problem and in November we should do premarital counseling, and move the relationship forward. The problem with that is I don't think I could realistically get married for another year, and she does not think she could get married for 2. So in regards to that, it is not like we can just get married to take care of the sexual desires that are between us. She is also meeting with the pastor's wife over zoom to talk about lust and everything going on.
I guess the biggest issue here is we are too in love, but don't know what to do with it all. Part of me feels we should scale back our expectations until we can see each other in person regularly. I don't know what that entails, I was hoping maybe someone had a recommendation or advice. She also feels that maybe we have to be entirely single for the rest of the year like we bot resolved too but we don't know how we would deal with our desire and love for each other. I guess I don't want to have it where we are too far apart and then when whatever period we agree to ends we might have grown apart or something like that. I really just need a lot of prayer and advice for this. Thanks.
