Moving out: Being Smart or Bratty

[Finding Kim]

Hi, Im 21 and I want to move out. I've been feeling for quite sometime that my home wasnt the best enviorment for me. I do have a job as supervisor and it pays decent, but I cant survive on my own. I would of course need a roommate. My problem is, is this the right move? Me and my mother are christian but I dont have a very good relationship with her. Shes strict and over-controlling. I understand she probably means well but she doesnt listen to reason. I had recently gotten into a huge argument with her (one of many). This one was something so small. I had wanted to go out to watch a movie. I had reserved the seat 3 days ago and this was the best day. I go to school 2 times a week and work the other 3days. Since this was a "school night" she told me I couldnt go and would have to go another day. This seemed unresonable , and I told her im going. This is the only time I had ever talken back to my mother. I never knew something so tiny as going out this one time on a monday night to watch a movie, when i dont have class in the morning, would cause such a fight and almost have my mother push me down the stairs. Nonetheless, I cant leave in an enviroment where i resent my mother, feel constantly belittled, and cant even justify myself. Im not a crazy girl, i dont go out partying and i dont hangout. I just want to be me. I had scrafacied my life and myself to listen to my mother, and i cant live wishing for more.

 

[381465]

I couldn't live with someone who tried to push me down stairs.
I would suggest a long calm talk with your mom. Maybe include your pasror.

 

[Finding Kim]

I couldn't live with someone who tried to push me down stairs.
I would suggest a long calm talk with your mom. Maybe include your pasror.

I already had a talk with her. She said that I was being disrespectful and as long as i live there i follow her rules. She didnt push me down the stairs but she got up and told me not to try her. Next time i do something disrepecful , "im in for a rude awakening"

 

[Hidden In Him]

I already had a talk with her. She said that I was being disrespectful and as long as i live there i follow her rules. She didnt push me down the stairs but she got up and told me not to try her. Next time i do something disrepecful , "im in for a rude awakening"

Yeah, this sounds pretty tough. Sounds like your mom is not going to budge, which means you probably do need to either A. ask the Lord to find you a way to live on your own, or B. accept her rule in the home as long as you are still there.

But don't do anything rash. Just begin praying more for the Lord to guide you, and in the meantime see if you can't honor her authority in some way. Put aside your resentment (if you still have any) and go to her and tell her you are sorry for breaking the rules. Be truthful that you are not sure you can go on without having a little more freedom, but that as long as you are there you are going to try to respect her decisions a little more. That will clear the air. Then, if she has something to apologize for herself, maybe God can work on her and you will have opened the door. And if not, if and when it is time for you to move out at least both of you will know where the other stands.

Worst case scenario, it will just be a mother and daughter, as two grown women, coming to a new understanding about things.

 

[disciple1]

Hi, Im 21 and I want to move out. I've been feeling for quite sometime that my home wasnt the best enviorment for me. I do have a job as supervisor and it pays decent, but I cant survive on my own. I would of course need a roommate. My problem is, is this the right move? Me and my mother are christian but I dont have a very good relationship with her. Shes strict and over-controlling. I understand she probably means well but she doesnt listen to reason. I had recently gotten into a huge argument with her (one of many). This one was something so small. I had wanted to go out to watch a movie. I had reserved the seat 3 days ago and this was the best day. I go to school 2 times a week and work the other 3days. Since this was a "school night" she told me I couldnt go and would have to go another day. This seemed unresonable , and I told her im going. This is the only time I had ever talken back to my mother. I never knew something so tiny as going out this one time on a monday night to watch a movie, when i dont have class in the morning, would cause such a fight and almost have my mother push me down the stairs. Nonetheless, I cant leave in an enviroment where i resent my mother, feel constantly belittled, and cant even justify myself. Im not a crazy girl, i dont go out partying and i dont hangout. I just want to be me. I had scrafacied my life and myself to listen to my mother, and i cant live wishing for more.

I can't think of anything I could add from the bible, your 21, but I don't want to give bad advise.

 

[RaymondG]

You said that you work......Do you help pay the bills in your house?

 

[Finding Kim]

Yeah, this sounds pretty tough. Sounds like your mom is not going to budge, which means you probably do need to either A. ask the Lord to find you a way to live on your own, or B. accept her rule in the home as long as you are still there.

But don't do anything rash. Just begin praying more for the Lord to guide you, and in the meantime see if you can't honor her authority in some way. Put aside your resentment (if you still have any) and go to her and tell her you are sorry for breaking the rules. Be truthful that you are not sure you can go on without having a little more freedom, but that as long as you are there you are going to try to respect her decisions a little more. That will clear the air. Then, if she has something to apologize for herself, maybe God can work on her and you will have opened the door. And if not, if and when it is time for you to move out at least both of you will know where the other stands.

Worst case scenario, it will just be a mother and daughter, as two grown women, coming to a new understanding about things.

thank you, im talking to another women in Christ because she had gone through a similar situation before. But i understand your point and I will try. Ill keep praying!!

 

[Finding Kim]

You said that you work......Do you help pay the bills in your house?

I pay for my car insurance and phone bill. Plus any food i eat and buy myself. Other than that i mostly save it because i pay for my college and gas to commute to school.

 

[RaymondG]

I pay for my car insurance and phone bill. Plus any food i eat and buy myself. Other than that i mostly save it because i pay for my college and gas to commute to school.

Sounds good. With this arrangement, it is best that you respect all the rules given in that house, no matter how unjust or unfair they may seem. It would also be good to try to avoid all conflict....see them before they happen, and try to avoid getting in it.

Then I would move out as soon as I could under peaceful circumstances.

When times get hard remember that you are going through this now so you don't have to pay rent and so that you can save your money, pay your personal bills and not have to worry about the stress of finding an apt, paying apt bills, and apt rent. So you are trading apartment bill stress, for the stress you have at home now......in the future you can swap stresses and hopefully the new stresses will be easier for you the deal with.

 

[PloverWing]

The late teens/early twenties are a time when families make the transition from the parent-child relationship to a relationship between two independent adults. At 21 now, you're an adult. For you, that means that you're entitled to make your own decisions, and also that you take on the responsibility of doing chores, helping pay the bills, etc., whether that's in your own apartment or in the home you share with your mother. For your mother, it means that she has to let go of her former parental role of making decisions for you and telling you what to do. It's a difficult transition on both sides, and you'll both make mistakes along the way.

This is a very appropriate time to establish an apartment of your own, if you can afford it. If it's too hard to live in the same household as your mother, then having some physical distance -- and your own independent household -- could ease the tensions between you.