Moving on from past sins

[cheesestick]

Hello everyone,

I am currently on the right path in improving my life. I am a big fan of Glenn Beck, and his personal story has been an inspiration to me to make my life right, get right with God, and move on with your life. I am having much difficulty coming to terms with past sins of mine. I pray to God to forgive my sins, but I can't seem to forgive myself. I hate myself for the things I have done. I have hurt so many people. I have gossiped about and manipulated many many people. I have lied to many people. The worst part is that I was married when all this was happening (I am still married ), so I have so much guilt for abandoning my husband while I was being this horrible person.

So I got laid off in November, and I moved to another city two months later for a new job. My husband and I are currently apart - he lives in another city until he finishes school. The good thing is that our marriage has become so much stronger since we have been apart. There were times I thought about getting a divorce, but now I know that I truly love my husband and I will do anything for him. I also love my new job and the people I work with. While I was being a horrible person, I was also severly depressed, so I did not spend quality time with my daughter. Now I have also rebuilt that relationship. So, I really think that everything is working out. My life is going great, and I feel God changing me. The thing is, I can't forgive myself for my sins. I also have this fear that everything will be taken away. When my husband and I talk about our future, I get nervous because I think it won't happen. I think I will be punished for my past sins. I'm afraid that someone I hurt from my past is gonna get me. I know it sounds silly, but that is my fear.

When I remember the things I did to people, I am so ashamed. My body reacts in a way I can't explain. After watching the conversion story of Glenn Beck, I have been praying. Prayer is not something I am very good at. I'm not an expert at the Bible, so I just pray to God whatever is on my mind. I pray that I will never be that person again. Sometimes I slip. I know I have a problem talking about people. I am a gossiper. I feel an uncontrollable urge to gossip. I have fallen off the path so many times, and I am truly sorry for the people I have hurt.

How does one get past their fears? How do you come to terms with your past sins? How do you forgive yourself? Also, when things are going great, how do you hold on to it? I am so afraid that everything will fall apart - my job, my marriage, my future. I am so so afraid. Please advise.

 

[Johnnz]

It can be really hard living with the knowledge of a less than desirable past. But that is the very thing the good news of Jesus gives us, the freedom to recognise He has dealt with whatever we have done, given us a new start and is there within us to help us with the necessary changes.

John
NZ

 

[pursuetruth]

Hi, cheesestick!
I just wanted to say praise God for all of the magnificent changes you are making in your life and in your most important relationships. Sensational!
I have also struggled with not feeling worthy of forgiveness. I reconcile that by saying to myself (when I find myself getting into my old mindset again) "if God says in His Holy Word that He has forgiven me,that He has given me a clean slate, who am I to tell God that I know better than Him and don't deserve that mercy"?
I sometimes even think that when my life is going well, this is Satan whispering in my ear, trying to derail all of the good that is happening in my life, and how very far I've come. I stumble like everyone else, but I know that
God does not want me to remain hung up in the past. Don't you get stuck there either! Bless you.

 

[Reubenz]

I am very glad for the parents i have right now and i respect them the most but can never forgive myself what i make them go through last time. it hurts alot to just recap the past. ive been very rebellious anti social and angressive. Also having to know myowb parents had feared me once just kills me. not only dem but.to.my brother and sister. i just hope to be forgiven for.doing thishuge sins at such young age. God please forgive.i believed karma has hit me coz i just had to know.i have eczema. life has been really [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] up for me but i have never fail to disrespect my family and started learning to appreciate people of all races and appearance. i wiah to be aomebody but im beong stopped. only wish for god to.forgive me.. Peace all take care.

 

[xBladesx]

Hi Cheese

Remember Christianity was not meant for perfect people but for imperfect sinners like you and me.
Jesus Himself said, "People who are well do not need a physician. I came to call sinners to repentance"

Even when we give our lives to The Lord, a perfection switch isn't flipped. We don't suddenly stop messing up all together.
As the Holt Spirit works in our lives we will start messing up less and less.

Forgiving yourself is the hardest part but is the most important part.
The Word says when we ask forgiveness for our sins He will remember our sins no more.
It's as if we are presented to Him spotless as if we never sinned in the 1st place. If The Lord doesn't hold is against you then neither should you.

We can never imagine or measure the amount of love God has for us. His well of love and forgiveness will never run dry. All we need is to ask for it and accept it.
No matter how many times we turn away. He will always be behind us with open arms waiting for us to come back

 

[KevinMartin]

God bless you. I am praying for you. Stand strong and keep praying. You have some wonderful advice from amazing people. We are all here for you. I pray and hope for the best. God bless you. God bless you all.

 

[bornballer26]

I am so happy for you...hold on dont give up stay reading and praying your on the right track.