More Sex

[gratienpatrick]

Well.

My girlfriend and I are in a serious relationship that has been lasting about 9 months so far.. we've advanced to the point where we say "I love you", and where we talk about the future and we both want to spend the rest of our lives with each other.

We've talked about sex several times. My view is, that it's immoral to have sex before marriage, and I plan on sticking to my guns with that one, and have done pretty well so far.
Her view, however, is that it's not immoral to have sex before marriage, as long as you love each other. She says it's between the two people involved and God to determine if it's right or not. She says that her parents and grandparents all started having sex before they were married, and she doesn't see anything immoral with it.

However, she says that she's not ready to have sex yet, so she's glad I want to wait, and she says she loves me and respects me and my beliefs.

Is that okay? Basically it's the same effect as if she thought sex before marriage was wrong, but for different reasons. I'm a little confused, and I love her, and hope that this is something that can be worked out without us breaking up or whatever.
She's a devout Christian who loves and trusts God with all her heart, she just has different views on sex for some reason..

???

 

[K9_Trainer]

So what? Why make an issue out of it? You are entitled to your opinion and she is entitled to hers.

As long as she respects your desire to wait until marriage, there really shouldn't be a problem. You only have a problem if she gets ready and starts pressuring you into it.

 

[lydeanphoenix]

What does marriage mean to you?

In the beginning, didn't God bring Eve to Adam and weren't they ordained? For some of us marriage and remaining pure until one is married is still sacred, as it should be. Your chastity is among your greatest gifts to one another. Deep in your hearts, if you truly love one another, and are truly committed to one another, and believe whole heartedly that God has joined the two of you together, and you can make the promises to each other, then consider yourselves married before God. There must be no ifs, ands, or buts... These are the only things that must matter. Then shouldn't having sex with one another be fine? And if this is so, gather your witnesses together and make it public.

 

[cgid3]

I agree with K9, if you hold your views firmly, it should not be an issue. But, considering the topic, you ought to probe deeper into the differences in theology. I'd put my money money on this not being the only major issue where you clash.

Then, too, it comes to raising kids. Are you going to want to raise them to respect themselves, thier counterpart and God by waiting until marriage, or will your wife raise them to say "It's ok to have sex, as long as you love each other!"

I disagree with lydean. His quote "Deep in your hearts, if you truly love one another, and are truly committed to one another, and believe whole heartedly that God has joined the two of you together, and you can make the promises to each other..." At that point you should not "consider yourself married." Because you aren't. If you feel that strongly, get married! To feel that strongly and to not is cheap and cowardly. Why wouldn't you get married at that point?

 

[gratienpatrick]

Here's something I brought up on a similar post which made me think:

Well... I always thought there's lots of reasons why you shouldn't have sex before you get married...
1- It adds pressure to getting married. Imho, the whole point of dating is to see if someone is right to marry, right? To look for 'the one'. So if you have sex, it adds a lot of pressure to make you want to get married, and it will cloud your judgment and make you want to get married even more, even though maybe other than the sex, the person's not right for you. I've seen this happen.

2- You never know what could happen. If you're not married, then there's no promises involved, no legality, and each person can basically leave whenever they feel like it. So what if you have sex, and then you break up... that means you had sex with someone else's future husband/wife. And it means that when you have sex with your actual husband/wife later on in life, it won't be your first time. And what if the old boy/girlfriend was better at it? Then you won't be content with your sex life, and that's pretty important.

3- Of course, the whole thing with unwanted pregnancies and STD's. Lots of people have sex and never have to worry about any of that. But it's still possible, and even if it doesn't happen, see above. There's many reasons to wait.

4- It might just ruin things between you guys, when you just look forward to spending time with them for the sex, not because you appreciate their personality or whatever.

5- And, doesn't it just make more sense to wait anyway? It's like opening your presents before Christmas. I don't know how many of you play video games, but it's like getting to the final level right away... so what, you just keep playing the last level over and over again? That means the earlier levels won't be as fun. Wait?

Let me know what you guys make of this.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

Here's something I brought up on a similar post which made me think:

Well... I always thought there's lots of reasons why you shouldn't have sex before you get married...
1- It adds pressure to getting married. Imho, the whole point of dating is to see if someone is right to marry, right? To look for 'the one'. So if you have sex, it adds a lot of pressure to make you want to get married, and it will cloud your judgment and make you want to get married even more, even though maybe other than the sex, the person's not right for you. I've seen this happen.

2- You never know what could happen. If you're not married, then there's no promises involved, no legality, and each person can basically leave whenever they feel like it. So what if you have sex, and then you break up... that means you had sex with someone else's future husband/wife. And it means that when you have sex with your actual husband/wife later on in life, it won't be your first time. And what if the old boy/girlfriend was better at it? Then you won't be content with your sex life, and that's pretty important.

3- Of course, the whole thing with unwanted pregnancies and STD's. Lots of people have sex and never have to worry about any of that. But it's still possible, and even if it doesn't happen, see above. There's many reasons to wait.

4- It might just ruin things between you guys, when you just look forward to spending time with them for the sex, not because you appreciate their personality or whatever.

5- And, doesn't it just make more sense to wait anyway? It's like opening your presents before Christmas. I don't know how many of you play video games, but it's like getting to the final level right away... so what, you just keep playing the last level over and over again? That means the earlier levels won't be as fun. Wait?

Let me know what you guys make of this.

I totally agree with this. Some very good points.

As far as the situation with your girlfriend, I don't know. I don't think I could be with someone who didn't believe premarital sex was a sin.

 

[seashale76]

Well.

My girlfriend and I are in a serious relationship that has been lasting about 9 months so far.. we've advanced to the point where we say "I love you", and where we talk about the future and we both want to spend the rest of our lives with each other.

We've talked about sex several times. My view is, that it's immoral to have sex before marriage, and I plan on sticking to my guns with that one, and have done pretty well so far.
Her view, however, is that it's not immoral to have sex before marriage, as long as you love each other. She says it's between the two people involved and God to determine if it's right or not. She says that her parents and grandparents all started having sex before they were married, and she doesn't see anything immoral with it.

However, she says that she's not ready to have sex yet, so she's glad I want to wait, and she says she loves me and respects me and my beliefs.

Is that okay? Basically it's the same effect as if she thought sex before marriage was wrong, but for different reasons. I'm a little confused, and I love her, and hope that this is something that can be worked out without us breaking up or whatever.
She's a devout Christian who loves and trusts God with all her heart, she just has different views on sex for some reason..

???

Scripture, the Tradition of the Church, the entire concept of sin and what it is, and human nature have not changed in over 2000 years. Her opinion is irrelevant if it goes against all of what was previously mentioned (and it does). The only option a Christian should have is to deny themself and pick up their cross or to choose to do exactly the opposite (which places one in the situation of putting their soul into jeopardy via unrepentant sin). This 'eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die' concept was put in the scriptures to show what an anti-Christian concept it is as opposed to how we should act.

 

[Penguin50388]

I agree that as long as she respects your views and doesn't pressure you then I don't see an issue. I have differing views on a lot of things than my girlfriend, but as long as we don't become stumbling blocks for one another then there are no real problems in that.

As for the not having extra-marital sex. I'm in complete agreement. Look at the OT laws, sex outside of marriage would bind you to the girl and make you responsible for her. If you aren't ready for the commitment of marriage then don't have sex, if you're ready for that kind of commitment, then get married and have "wildly awkward honeymoon sex."

 

[pegatha]

I'm glad you're committed to not having sex till you're married, and I'm glad she's not pressuring you. But I'm curious why you call her a committed Christian who loves God, if she doesn't believe what the Bible says about saving sex for marriage. How can she love God but then ignore or deny his commands? Sadly, there seem to be an awful lot of Christians who don't actually read the Bible or know what it says. But here's where you could be a real blessing. You can encourage her to read and study the Bible for herself. Maybe you could even find a good Bible study to attend together. Studying God's word together would help you both grow as individuals and as a couple.

 

[Blank123]

I'm glad you're committed to not having sex till you're married, and I'm glad she's not pressuring you. But I'm curious why you call her a committed Christian who loves God, if she doesn't believe what the Bible says about saving sex for marriage. How can she love God but then ignore or deny his commands? Sadly, there seem to be an awful lot of Christians who don't actually read the Bible or know what it says. But here's where you could be a real blessing. You can encourage her to read and study the Bible for herself. Maybe you could even find a good Bible study to attend together. Studying God's word together would help you both grow as individuals and as a couple.

this

 

[Penguin50388]

I'm glad you're committed to not having sex till you're married, and I'm glad she's not pressuring you. But I'm curious why you call her a committed Christian who loves God, if she doesn't believe what the Bible says about saving sex for marriage. How can she love God but then ignore or deny his commands? Sadly, there seem to be an awful lot of Christians who don't actually read the Bible or know what it says. But here's where you could be a real blessing. You can encourage her to read and study the Bible for herself. Maybe you could even find a good Bible study to attend together. Studying God's word together would help you both grow as individuals and as a couple.

I have to disagree with both you and Shari on this one. It is possible to be a committed Christian and not follow all of God's commands and get things wrong from time to time. I know that I have had mistaken doctrines and probably still do, but I am seeking to get closer to God and studying his word and that makes me a committed Christian.

If you are looking for arguments on having Sex before marriage you could find them in the OT laws that bind a man to a woman whom he has sex with. Just because someone disagrees with your views on an issue doesn't mean that they aren't a committed Christian who doesn't love God.

I do agree that studying the Bible together helps a couple grow closer, and that is always a good start to share your personal convictions in an open, non-confrontational way.