L
LunEireann
Guest
When I was 15, I started dating this guy. It went downhill pretty quickly. In public it was clear that he didn't respect me at all. He could not keep his hands off me, kept smacking my butt in public... the only reason he stopped that is because I got VERY angry with him. He still couldn't keep his hands off me in public, I never liked the idea of PDA, and he knew this and kept going anyway. His dad was a Methodist preacher, and I went to a service at his church. We got there a little late so we had to sit in the back... he still kept trying to touch me! 
He constantly made jokes about us doing stuff that in reality we never did. I told him to stop so many times... he'd just laugh at me.
But in private...
He still wouldn't keep his hands off. Yeah we were alone, yeah I was okay with being alone... but his hands always had to wander up my shirt. I didn't know how to say no. I had no idea what was going on. Sometimes I enjoyed it... sometimes I wished he would stop. If I told him I was uncomfortable, he'd nag and nag and probably do it anyway. On time he tried to put his hand down my pants... I told him to stop and he asked why. I made up some crap about being on my period (which was true, but wasn't the real reason I wanted him to stop). I didn't know what to do otherwise. I didn't know how to tell him I was uncomfortable... it was useless anyway. he withdrew (the only time he stopped) and said "no wonder girls are so moody this time of the month... they can't do anything!" I should have slapped him for that.
We broke up after a band trip to Florida (which was a DISASTER, and probably the result of him being the way he was and me avoiding him at school) and ever since I have no idea what to do. I wasn't an innocent, naive 14 year old freshman, but I still thought that a relationship could still be fairly... is innocent the right word? I don't like the idea of jumping right into sexual stuff. I've dated guys since then but it's turned sexual very quickly (I'm still a virgin, actually I've never even done anything that would involve clothes being taken off). I hate being the lone virgin in the senior class now, but what happened in my sophomore year still haunts me. I don't know what a normal relationship should be. I don't know if I'm to blame for it... I know I did some things in that relationship that were immature. I don't want another relationship to be that way. I don't want to go too far and then not be able to say no. Sometimes it has driven guys away...
It didn't really hit me though what it was until 6 months after he dumped me online. I told a friend that he hadn't spoken to me at all, and she said it was scary. I told another friend everything I just wrote in the first 2 paragraphs and that was when it hit me, when the friend told me it was NOT normal. I don't know if it was molestation. Is it molestation when you're 15? When it's your boyfriend? But since then, I have never felt the same. I had self-esteem issues before-- I had been depressed and suicidal-- but afterward I started to feel unworthy but at the same time boy-crazy. what is wrong with me?
He constantly made jokes about us doing stuff that in reality we never did. I told him to stop so many times... he'd just laugh at me.But in private...
He still wouldn't keep his hands off. Yeah we were alone, yeah I was okay with being alone... but his hands always had to wander up my shirt. I didn't know how to say no. I had no idea what was going on. Sometimes I enjoyed it... sometimes I wished he would stop. If I told him I was uncomfortable, he'd nag and nag and probably do it anyway. On time he tried to put his hand down my pants... I told him to stop and he asked why. I made up some crap about being on my period (which was true, but wasn't the real reason I wanted him to stop). I didn't know what to do otherwise. I didn't know how to tell him I was uncomfortable... it was useless anyway. he withdrew (the only time he stopped) and said "no wonder girls are so moody this time of the month... they can't do anything!" I should have slapped him for that.
We broke up after a band trip to Florida (which was a DISASTER, and probably the result of him being the way he was and me avoiding him at school) and ever since I have no idea what to do. I wasn't an innocent, naive 14 year old freshman, but I still thought that a relationship could still be fairly... is innocent the right word? I don't like the idea of jumping right into sexual stuff. I've dated guys since then but it's turned sexual very quickly (I'm still a virgin, actually I've never even done anything that would involve clothes being taken off). I hate being the lone virgin in the senior class now, but what happened in my sophomore year still haunts me. I don't know what a normal relationship should be. I don't know if I'm to blame for it... I know I did some things in that relationship that were immature. I don't want another relationship to be that way. I don't want to go too far and then not be able to say no. Sometimes it has driven guys away...
It didn't really hit me though what it was until 6 months after he dumped me online. I told a friend that he hadn't spoken to me at all, and she said it was scary. I told another friend everything I just wrote in the first 2 paragraphs and that was when it hit me, when the friend told me it was NOT normal. I don't know if it was molestation. Is it molestation when you're 15? When it's your boyfriend? But since then, I have never felt the same. I had self-esteem issues before-- I had been depressed and suicidal-- but afterward I started to feel unworthy but at the same time boy-crazy. what is wrong with me?
