Modesty

[Ave Maria]

What are your opinions on modesty. How far is too far?

Personally, I think modesty is very important. I know how far is too far in my opinion but can't quite put it into words.

 

[AMDG]

Had to do some special occassion dress shopping for my granddaughter. Ten years old but big for her age. Couldn't believe it! There doesn't seem to be ANY pretty dresses available. They all are cut waaay low and are made to "display assets". Even the saleswoman couldn't find any dresses that weren't like that! They all look like something a "working woman that is holding down some corner" would wear. Now IMO THAT'S going WAAAY too far. Dressing any woman like that, but especially CHILDREN. It's awful!

And have you seen what passes for pants?!! So low that I'm sure every woman's bikini line must hurt just looking at them! (And the pants look REALLY awful from behind too with half the .... hanging out, but the girl isn't "exposed" to the sight...) And I can't even comment on the strings that pass for underwear...

Now I'm not advocating floor length skirts with wrist length sleeves (THAT would be going too far in the opposite direction), but this is ridiculous. And if we don't start policing these atrocities against modesty, there's going to be a backlash and we just MIGHT find ourselves with very restrictive dresscodes.

 

[marciadietrich]

Well on a level of personal choice I don't think someone can go too far in modesty. You can go too far in being too lenient. Dress codes shouldn't be imposed. Just ask people to use common sense. Parents should be setting some limits for their teens/preteens choices, giving them freedom within parameters.

Marcia

 

[JJM]

I think it is quite obvious. If you wearing something that could cause someone around you to have lustful thoughts then you need to wear something different because of the "millstone around the neck" and all that. Now there is a point I think where it ceases your fault but if someone is wearing something to make a person lust after them or something that defiantly will then they need to wear something else.

 

[kamikat]

My wardrobe is probably stricter than many here, but alot of that is aesthetics, just as much as modesty. I think anything above the knee is too short, but because I have thick calves, MY dresses are always ballet or ankle length. I think tank tops with thick straps that don't show your bra straps or that you can't see your bra when you lift your arm are ok, but because I have heavy arms, I never wear sleeveless. I think anything that shows cleavage is not modest, but don't rule out V or scoop necks. BTW, I don't think you have to wear the praire girl look that is common on the Christian Modesty retailer sites. I'm a former hippy/goth chick, so my wardrobe tend towards that style. Alot of the Christian Modesty proponents look like they stepped out of a (mid-80's) Laura Ashley catalog. That's not neccessary. As for pants, I don't think they're ever modest, but I do own one pair of jeans and one pair of jean shorts when I need to do things like clean the gutters. The problem with pants is that no matter how baggy, they always show your pantyline, always show off your butt and your crotch area.
kamikat

 

[Atomagenesis]

www.catholicmodesty.com

 

[ladybug01]

I once read something about "Mary-like modesty," which, in my opinion, went a little overboard. It called for skirts at least 8 inches below the knees, sleeves to elbows, and nothing exposing more than 2 finger-lenghts from the base of the neck.
That said, I still try to hold to many of these ideals in my own wardrobe-- sleeves in all things, skirts to knees, and nothing low cut at all. Only on the rare occasion do I wear pants; I don't even own shorts.
I think that these are pretty good standards-- not too overbearing, yet one is still able to dress stylish and beautiful... A girl can still dress modestly without looking like a pilgrim or whatever.

 

[bostonlass]

What are your opinions on modesty. How far is too far?

Personally, I think modesty is very important. I know how far is too far in my opinion but can't quite put it into words.

When you say "how far is too far"...do you mean in terms of modest clothing or immodest clothing?

 

[Globalnomad]

I think it is quite obvious. If you wearing something that could cause someone around you to have lustful thoughts then you need to wear something different because of the "millstone around the neck" and all that. Now there is a point I think where it ceases your fault but if someone is wearing something to make a person lust after them or something that defiantly will then they need to wear something else.

I live in a (liberal) Muslim country, and my thoughts on this subject are definitely different! Some guys around here will get lustful thoughts if they see a girl in normal jeans, or with her hair uncovered. Do I ask my daughter to wear a chador when she goes out on the street? Not on your life! I make sure she does not get into dangerous situations (she knows it well enough herself), but heck, I couldn't care less if someone gets lustful thoughts looking at her! There's a point where you say, let the man control his instincts, not the woman have to restrict her life.

All this does not invalidate what the rest of you say, of course. In a Western country, the problem is completely different. I just thought it would be interesting to give you a completely different perspective.

 

[skatepixie]

problem with pants is that no matter how baggy, they always show your pantyline, always show off your butt and your crotch area.
kamikat

One word: thong...thats how to avoid pantylines...

 

[epiclesis]

ewww

i'd rather a panty line than look like i'm not wearing any...

 

[skatepixie]

or it looks like nylons...I would think that a pantyline is more...errr...arousing to a man than not seeing anything

 

[bostonlass]

There's a point where you say, let the man control his instincts, not the woman have to restrict her life.

That may be the ideal situation but in reality I have found that it is the woman's responsibility to restrict her clothing. I don't like it...as you probably guessed, but it's life and I have to deal with it.

I wear pants in the winter and skirts in the summer and both are pretty modest. The pants are a function of the brutal cold winters we have and the skirts in the summer just make me feel more feminine.

The problem I have is that I need to wear shirts that are bigger than normal because when I'm at a business meeting I'd rather not have to deal with a guy talking to my chest and not paying attention to my charts and graphs. I hate that this is the case, but my mom handed this "gift" down to me and she's had to deal with the same problems. My sister is the total opposite of me and is constantly telling me to "flaunt it if you've got it", but quite honestly that is not the impression I want to leave. I want people to respect me and like me for my mind and my thoughts instead of for my other "assets".

 

[Miss Shelby]

The problem I have is that I need to wear shirts that are bigger than normal because when I'm at a business meeting I'd rather not have to deal with a guy talking to my chest and not paying attention to my charts and graphs.

I have a real funny story about something that happened to me at work along these same lines. Actually, it's NOT funny it was pretty embarrassing. I hesitate to tell it.

Do you remember the SNL skit where the women aliens came down, and they had an adaptation? Their eyes were on their breasts because that was where the men naturally looked when talking to them. LOL! It was hysterical.
Well actually, I thought it was at the time, it's actually pretty degrading to women. But the point was made.

Michelle

 

[kamikat]

That is the difference in Islamic modesty and Christian modesty, or at least, my interpratation of Christian modesty. I don't view my modesty as something to prevent lust in other men (since I'm kinda heavy, wearing immodest clothes probably wouldn't incite lust anyway). My modesty is an outgrowth of my self esteem. My body is a gift from the Lord and my "gifts" are only for my husband.
kamikat

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

I couldn't care less if someone gets lustful thoughts looking at her!

I can't imagine ever having that thought about my precious baby girls......

 

[Globalnomad]

I can't imagine ever having that thought about my precious baby girls......

Try to imagine a situation where it's either that, or not allowing your 16 year old daughter to go out on the street at all except if she is enveloped in a long, loose, opaque shift and her hair and neck is completely covered with a scarf (sort of like nuns of old). Which would you choose?

 

[Miss Shelby]

One word: thong...thats how to avoid pantylines...

I'm too old and set in my ways. And I can gaurantee even if I had one, the washing machine would swallow it whole like it does my socks occasionally.

Michelle

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Try to imagine a situation where it's either that, or not allowing your 16 year old daughter to go out on the street at all except if she is enveloped in a long, loose, opaque shift and her hair and neck is completely covered with a scarf (sort of like nuns of old). Which would you choose?

To be very honest I would choose the latter....of course it is my fervent prayer to be given the gift that my daughters will all become nuns...so I don't know my opinion on this counts for much...

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

I'm too old and set in my ways. And I can gaurantee even if I had one, the washing machine would swallow it whole like it does my socks occasionally.

Michelle

On a completely unrelated to the OP note- but along the lines (no pun intended) of this whole underwear discussion. When I was young I was horrified at my mom's 'big' underwear.... well 7 pregnancies later- let's just say I understand the whole 'big' underwear thing now...