Mock "Liberal" college application

[synger]

I found this mock application to divinity school for liberals, and had to smile. While most of it is just silly stereotypes, when it got to the part where you should "List all the good you did, including marches, protests, speeches, and sticking it to the man:" I had a flood of good memories of college and my first years in DC.

I was active in Amnesty International (and NOT just because of U2 ... though they were a definite influence). I participated in "Blue Jean Day", which was a precursor of Gay Pride day on our campus... especially as it related to my very conservative Christian youth group. And I helped out with some of the early apartheid protests. When I got to DC, I volunteered with Whitman-Walker clinic with people who had AIDS, in the time before we really knew what it was or how it spread, or had any sort of real treatment plan for it. No wonder my Republican husband and I disagree on certain key issues. *chuckles*

I also had to laugh at the "race" question: "My ancestors were oppressed by Europeans by [_] being taken from Africa in slavery [_] Spanish colonization of the “New World” [_]colonization of Asia [_] conquest of the Pacific Islands [_] English colonization of the “New World” [_] economic exploitation of globalization OR [_] I have benefited from the exploitation of other peoples (I’m white, but overcoming)"

 

[DeanM]

Good stuff!

If I may be so bold as to offer a Conservative application in contrast:

First Name_____________
Named in honor of: (_) Immediate parent (_) Grandparent (_) Saint

Last Name_____________
Related to: (_) Royalty of a "decent" country (_) High ranking military leader (_) other famous oppressor

What Schools did you attend?
(_) Our Lady of Perpetual Unsolicited __________
(_) Saint ____________'s
(_) ___________ Military Academy
(_) Home schooled
(_) Overfunded "public" school where my aunt worked.

What is your view on the military?

(_) Needs to be stronger
(_) Is strong enough to start Americanizing more random Muslim countries
(_) Should have taken over the world by now, in the name of Jesus.

How did you choose your current church?

(_) I followed the bus back from an NRA demonstration at a town-hall meeting that had nothing to do with gun legislation.
(_) Recommended by the Westboro Baptists as "The closest thing to God-fearing" in my area.
(_) Was the last church to quit the fight against abolitionists (publically).
(_) I decoded Revelations and found it was a map that led me to their doorstep.

The bible is (may check all that apply)

(_) God's minty breath
(_) My bestest friend in the whole world
(_) A guide to everyone else's sins
(_) A promise of Hellfire to the unworthy
(_) Proof of God's anger at everyone who isn't just like me.

I want a degree in the Divinities (may check all that apply)

(_) So I automatically win every argument
(_) To get more "On Stage" time at my church
(_) To place even more people lower than myself
(_) So God will not punish me
(_) So I can dish out some of God's punishment before the rapture

If you could have tea with any person, living or dead, who would it be?

(_) Jesus
(_) Jesus, but it's a trick question because Jesus isn't alive or dead. He ascended in a form that was not flesh so He could sit up on high and judge us all with Hellfire and damnation unless we have degrees in Divinity.
(_) Jesus, but it's a trick question because Jesus is both alive and dead. He has dead flesh wrapped in a living Shroud of Turin that glows and rotates and brings in better radio reception for all of Rush Limbaugh's followers.

 

[D.W.Washburn]

"God's minty breath"

That's funny!

 

[AzA]

They're both hilarious.

Dean, may I facebook yours too?

 

[AzA]

If you could have tea with any person, living or dead, who would it be?

(_) Jesus
(_) Jesus, but it's a trick question because Jesus isn't alive or dead. He ascended in a form that was not flesh so He could sit up on high and judge us all with Hellfire and damnation unless we have degrees in Divinity.
(_) Jesus, but it's a trick question because Jesus is both alive and dead. He has dead flesh wrapped in a living Shroud of Turin that glows and rotates and brings in better radio reception for all of Rush Limbaugh's followers.

I just realized this is the most nefarious question of all...

(_) This is a most evil trick because Real Christians do not drink tea, coffee, or cola products. Jesus would *never* drink tea.

 

[b.hopeful]

Dean.....you rock my socks!

Synger...that was a hoot...I sent it to my uber liberal(politically and theologically) friend "The Rev". She'll love it!

 

[DeanM]

They're both hilarious.

Dean, may I facebook yours too?

Yes, you have my permission to post this on facebook.

 

[Maverick3000]

Well, now I know where I can go for divinity school if the message points me in that direction. I would rock that application.

 

[Madcap Mo]

For the lulz

First Name Nathaniel
Named in honor of: (_) Immediate parent (_) Grandparent (X) Saint

Last Name Harrison
Related to: (_) Royalty of a "decent" country (_) High ranking military leader (X) other famous oppressor

What Schools did you attend?
(_) Our Lady of Perpetual Unsolicited Wingdings
(_) Saint ____________'s
(_) ___________ Military Academy
(_) Home schooled
(_) Overfunded "public" school where my aunt worked.

What is your view on the military?

(_) Needs to be stronger
(_) Is strong enough to start Americanizing more random Muslim countries
(X) Should have taken over the world by now, in the name of Jesus.

How did you choose your current church?

(_) I followed the bus back from an NRA demonstration at a town-hall meeting that had nothing to do with gun legislation.
(_) Recommended by the Westboro Baptists as "The closest thing to God-fearing" in my area.
(_) Was the last church to quit the fight against abolitionists (publically).
(X) I decoded Revelations and found it was a map that led me to their doorstep.

The bible is (may check all that apply)

(X) God's minty breath
(X) My bestest friend in the whole world
(X) A guide to everyone else's sins
(X) A promise of Hellfire to the unworthy
(X) Proof of God's anger at everyone who isn't just like me.

I want a degree in the Divinities (may check all that apply)

(_) So I automatically win every argument
(_) To get more "On Stage" time at my church
(_) To place even more people lower than myself
(_) So God will not punish me
(X) So I can dish out some of God's punishment before the rapture

If you could have tea with any person, living or dead, who would it be?

(_) Jesus
(X) Jesus, but it's a trick question because Jesus isn't alive or dead. He ascended in a form that was not flesh so He could sit up on high and judge us all with Hellfire and damnation unless we have degrees in Divinity.
(_) Jesus, but it's a trick question because Jesus is both alive and dead. He has dead flesh wrapped in a living Shroud of Turin that glows and rotates and brings in better radio reception for all of Rush Limbaugh's followers.

APPLICATION REJECTED

 

[dies-l]

I also found this on the same site:

I have never laughed so hard at a medium designed to mock, belittle, and undermine everything that I believe in. But, this guy's got some funny stuff on his blog.

 

[TheManeki]

I also found this on the same site:

I have never laughed so hard at a medium designed to mock, belittle, and undermine everything that I believe in. But, this guy's got some funny stuff on his blog.

Mmmm....looks like a tasty pairing to me!

/Goes off to get a chocolate fix.

 

[spinningtutu]

It is always good to retain a sense of humor... (LOLs)