Missing My Husband and Best Friend

[TamiC]

I lost my husband 5 1/2 months ago (after 19 wonderful years of marriage). He died suddenly and with no warning. We had 3 kids, two still at home (ages 14 and 12). Everything about this grief journey has been shocking, painful, overwhelming, and at times I find myself filled with fear and anxiety. I cling to God and my faith with everything I have, but God doesn't allow us to avoid the pain of grieving (only to have hope in our tears being wiped away one day). I think one of the toughest things I'm experiencing right now are the many changes in friendships and relationships: in my family, at church, in my community. Has anyone else experienced this? For so many years I was half of a couple, and now I'm suddenly single. Plus so often I am overwhelmed by the grief and all the new challenges of life that I'm not my old fun-loving, outgoing self. It seems many people are uncomfortable with grief, so they avoid me or are superficial in their conversations. All the other relationship "losses" and "changes" have added to my grief and sense of loneliness. Plus I find that I isolate myself, which is something I've never done before. I appreciate hearing what others are going through. Blessings to you.

 

[MD24]

I too lost my best friend, wife, lover and mother of my children. it has only been a little over one month but I am doing better than I feel I should be. My counselor says that it is because I was grieving so much during her illness that I experienced most all exept for what I am going thru now. All I can add as I am by far not an expert in this, is that God will lead you in His time. Dont hold back any emotion, experience all that come your way, thru them God will heal you in His time and your process will be your own and no two peoples is the same. I will pray for you, God has a great plan for you and your kids, He cares so much about us all the He laid down His life so that we can live forever with Him. That means alot now, eternity never meant so much!

 

[dellinw]

Tami, I know how you feel, I lost my husband, best friend(soulmate) 8 mo ago. I too have noticed friends don't know how to handle being around me. They go do couple things, and I feel left out, then if I am asked to go I feel like a fifth wheel!! does tthis make sense? It may all be in my head. your right, this is a long hard road called "grief" that we have to walk thru. no short cuts.. I am at the point that his loss is moving from my head to my heart. Its just now sinking in "HE'S NOT COMING HOME' my children are all grown and have their own homes and lives. I have never lived by myself before, got married at 19 and went from parents to his home. I really don't know the new "ME" . I am seeing a grief counselor and it has helped and my faith in God. I have trouble praying for myself but not for others. I don't cry everyday, just maybe once a week now. All the first anniversary's are bad. His birthday, father's day and the aniv of his death will all be the week of June 13th. This is a good christian website, stay in touch. God Bless dell

 

[JeanR]

I made it through the first year, but am finding that the second year (it has been 16 months) is harder. You think you have hit all the "firsts", but you haven't. Today would have been my wedding anniversary. Also, I am to become a grandmother in September for the first time. Terry would have made a wonderful grandfather.

I am finding that others are more comfortable around me. It was hard seeing people avoid me, but no one knows what to say, so they run away. The turning point for me there was to stay active in the church. They can't avoid you forever.

Going for grief counseling was the best thing that I did after Terry died so suddenly. Fortunately, I knew this particular counselor and he had also known Terry. I didn't want a group setting. I have never felt comfortable with sharing my feelings and with a group I would have just remained silent. It's easy to share my feelings on this website because no one knows who I am, but they know how I feel.

 

[dellinw]

jean, I thougt just getting thru the first year was to be my milestone. Its 8 mo now and I have the hardest to go. with the aniv of his death, his birthday and fathers day all right together.. please keep me in your prayers... God Bless
dellin