Misrable in Pa

[rbs70]

Hi all

Sorry if my spelling is off never was any good at it.

I'm not sure where to post this so if its in the wrong place maybe a moderator could move it to the best place.

I'm having problems in my life and I dont know where to go from here.
I belive in God and Jesus they are who they say they are, I have seen thier power in my life but I am willfully disobediant and it scares the crap out of me. I am a sex addict that is trying to rely on my wife for my needs and it is causeing problems. Which leads me to my major problem...

The marrage problems are not one sided I am to blame for some and she is to blame for others. I will start with the main problems and yes we do have a child together. I also live in the country and have no counsilers to see, am a member of a church that is dieing that I'm obligated to stay at. The Pastor doesnt want to get involved in anyones problems anymore after some fights while trying to help between diffrent members in the church so he doesnt even know we are in trouble nor does he seem to really care.

I wont get graphic but our sex life isnt satifing for eather of us ie it bearly gets"the job" done but thats it. There is no romance in it anymore it all seems so mechanical I feel like a junky getting "his fix" I am left sad after words but still thank her. She seems not to pay any attention to my needs and slight hints to my intentions and when I throw myself at her she still doesnt seem to care which inturn makes me mad to have to beg for anything. Dont get me wrong we have an incounter 2-3 times a week if I push the issue if I dont we can go 2-3 weeks with out anything.

It all seems one sided to me I feel like a King with his concubine not husband and wife. I have had very hard some times hummilating talks with my wife about the problems to no real change. We have been married for over 4 years now and the problem has been present for over 3. I have no one to really talk to as my parents just dont talk about marrage problems and are very prudish as all things sexual remain in the bedroom not to be discused.

I turn to porn as an outlet but my heart is only for my wife. I know porn isnt the answer and have talked to her about this and she doesnt care that I look. I know this energy should be going to her but if she doesnt want it I dont want to force her to do something she doesnt want to do.

People outside our marrage tell me I put her up on a pedistal and baby her too much. I feel it its my job to make her happy and give her what she wants. I dont think I spoil her but ya she does have a good life. I bear most of the stress in the family. I worry about paying the bills and cleaning the house, takeing care of our son. She has the only job in the family as I am working a failing business I started 6 years ago.

My wife has a real hard time finishing a job as she washes clothes(about her only household chore) she drys them and then piles them on the coutch in the living room which is also our entrance way into the house so if anyone comes to the door our clothes are the first thing they see. When I complain about the clothes she will move them to a diffrent spot in the house which I find later. She never seems to put them away.

I have talked to her for over 3 years on these problems to no change she sits there like a bump on a log and rarely speaks during these talks. I'm at wits end.

I find it hard to talk to God, I feel so ashamed over my life, I cry out to him but it seems to fall on deaf ears and it makes me think of the verse in the Bible about God not hearing the prayers of a sinner. Now I have been a Christan most of my life I got saved when I was 9, baptised when I was 20 and been a jr deacon in our church for over 6 years. I know the message, I know the teachings, but I am always falling and dont know why I dont seem to get any Heavenly support.

I'm sorry if I have talked too much here but I'm desprite for help.

Brian

 

[Johnnz]

A more supportive and positive environment would help both of you. You have a great attitude, but there are issues in both your lives that need working through. But your lack of resources is denying you the help you need.

Don't begin to doubt your faith. None of us are meant to be totally self sufficient. There are some issues we really do need support with.

John
NZ

 

[rbs70]

The problems are getting worse I think that this marrage can only end one way

 

[FaithPrevails]

Speaking as someone who is divorced, I want to encourage you to really inspect your marriage and your role/actions within your marriage. Focusing on our needs and what we want/expect out of a marriage can often lead us down a road riddled with unhappiness. Ideally, we need to focus on whether or not we are meeting our spouse's needs and they are hopefully focusing on meeting our needs in return.

For the intimacy issue, do you understand why it has dwindled so severely for your wife? Instead of talking to her about your needs, have you asked her about her needs and how you can meet them? If it is a libido issue for her, are you respectful of that and willing to be sensitive to it when initiating sex?

You mention that she is the one working outside the home. So, you have essentially reversed traditional roles. Do you know how this effects her emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually? It could be that she is under a lot of pressure, too, knowing that her money is mainly what supports your family.

Household chores. Did she choose laundry or did it just default to her to do it? Instead of complaining about the pile of unfolded laundry, have you tried folding it and putting it away for her to help her out?

You may not be able to see a counselor or pastor, but you could try watching a movie like Fireproof - with the intention of identifying ways that YOU could change/improve. Sometimes, people don't realize how they are pushing someone away when they think they are trying to communicate in a way to draw them closer.

Lifting you and your marriage up in prayer.