Men who have overweight or "chunky" wives?

[MERCY@GRACE]

Reading some of the recent posts has me curious. I have seen some men that were in shape, and their wives be overweight (and vice versa,but I'm zoning in on men since it seems to be more of an issue)
Some men seem perfectly happy and content- that you can almost feel the love he has for his wife.....then there are some men, who seem to be embarrased...you see that not so happy look on his face...him trailing behind his wife etc.

I've also heard stories about how men were repulsed by their wives to the point they no longer wanted to have sex bc of their weight.
My dh has told me on many occasions (especially during pgy) that he is glad that I don't /didn't let myself go like alot of other housewives he has seen. I always follow it up w/.....well would you still love me if I gained a bunch of weight. He says yeah, I'd still love you but the level of 'physical' attraction may not be the same if you weighed 3001bs. He said I'd still be just as attracted if you put on 20 or even 30 1bs, but being plain fat is not attractive. I can actually understand where he is coming from when he explained himself.

BUT-there has to be men out there that AREN'T turned off by their overweight dw. I Believe someone even mentioned here, about being embarrased to be seen by their friends if they had a fat gf.
I almost feel that we are to be less shallow than the world BUT at the same time we still live in the flesh and like being around beatiful things.

There's one argument that says: you are shallow if you want your spouse to stay in shape and take care of their temple.

The other argument is: You should ALWAYS be attracted to you spouse even if they weighed 500 1bs, and if you aren't attracted you are shallow.

Can there be a middle ground? Can't you be in love w/ your spouse, but not find them attractive? I'm not speaking of wives/husbands being mean to one anther bc they gained weight, and or cheating...that's apples and oranges.

 

[WarriorforChrist]

Both men and women alike, when they don't workout, it shows a lack of self control, discipline, and if married, maybe respect. It also shows a lot of laziness.

But to top that off, it's not just unattractive, it's also unhealthy. It also says in the bible somewhere that we need to rough our bodies, as a boxer trains for a fight... something along those lines.

 

[ChildByGrace]

My old boss was very big (don't actually know her weight). She got married and is happy and her dh is obviously attracted to her.

My dh would still love me and find me attractive if i put on alot of weight but he would try and encourage me to loose it for health reasons

 

[shainamsu]

i don't think that there's anything wrong with a husband or wife not being attracted to their SO if they gain a bunch of weight. in my opinion, you owe it to your spouse to take care of yourself. i'm not saying that you owe it to them to have a perfect, cindy crawford physique, but i think you owe it to them to be healthy. and 300 lbs is not healthy.

i've put on a TON of weight with this pregnancy, but my husband still tells me i'm beautiful, and i totally love him for that, b/c pregnancy weight is a WHOLE different kind of weight gain. but if, afterwards, i made no attempt to stay healthy or to take care of myself, i wouldn't blame him if he wasn't sexually attracted to me. we've both decided that after the baby is born, that we're going to start exercising together, eating better, ect, b/c neither one of is as healthy as we'd like to be for our child. and i want him to be around for a long time, and vice versa.

i just think that in a marriage, unless there's a specific medical problem that makes you gain weight, that excessive weight gain is selfish, and there's no room for being selfish in a marriage.

but that's just me.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

i don't think that there's anything wrong with a husband or wife not being attracted to their SO if they gain a bunch of weight. in my opinion, you owe it to your spouse to take care of yourself. i'm not saying that you owe it to them to have a perfect, cindy crawford physique, but i think you owe it to them to be healthy. and 300 lbs is not healthy.

i've put on a TON of weight with this pregnancy, but my husband still tells me i'm beautiful, and i totally love him for that, b/c pregnancy weight is a WHOLE different kind of weight gain. but if, afterwards, i made no attempt to stay healthy or to take care of myself, i wouldn't blame him if he wasn't sexually attracted to me. we've both decided that after the baby is born, that we're going to start exercising together, eating better, ect, b/c neither one of is as healthy as we'd like to be for our child. and i want him to be around for a long time, and vice versa.

i just think that in a marriage, unless there's a specific medical problem that makes you gain weight, that excessive weight gain is selfish, and there's no room for being selfish in a marriage.

but that's just me.

That's my take as well. I've just seen men get beat up for being real, and share what turns them off in a marriage. My dh is in shape but does have a bit of a beer gut. I STILL find him handsome and tell him that all the time......but I will not lie.... and say that if he were to have a six pack.....that it wouldn't drive me WILD!!! If he worked out to the point he had a six pack...... he would be that much MORE attractive than he already is. My love level would NOT change in the least, but my ehem...physical arousal would :blush

 

[searle29678]

I know what you mean....I do think we should do our best for our spouses to maintain ourselves to the best of our ability. Eventually, we all age and wrinkle and gravity takes its toll but we should still try to look the best we can for our spouses. Even if we do it for no other reason than making sure we are around for as long as possible.

 

[Egghead]

If my wife gained 200 pounds, it wouldnt affect the way I feel about her.
Id still want to be with her because shes my wife and I love her.

If she was 200 pounds heavier and I just met her on the street, Im sure I wouldnt be immediately attracted, though. Its just human nature to be physically attracted to those who are in shape.

There is nothing wrong with wanting our spouses to keep themselves physically attractive, that isnt shallow at all.
What would be shallow is if we dumped them solely for gaining weight if we were truly in love with them.

Yes, Id say you can be ''in love'' with your spouse, and want to be with them even though they are overweight.
But if they were someone you just met being that same 300 pounds, I dont think they would be an immediate attraction.

I have met some very wonderful overweight women in my life who honestly, would have been great wives, and they were.

Ill take an overweight wife whos a wonderful companion over a gorgeous blond liar anyday.

Reading some of the recent posts has me curious. I have seen some men that were in shape, and their wives be overweight (and vice versa,but I'm zoning in on men since it seems to be more of an issue)
Some men seem perfectly happy and content- that you can almost feel the love he has for his wife.....then there are some men, who seem to be embarrased...you see that not so happy look on his face...him trailing behind his wife etc.

I've also heard stories about how men were repulsed by their wives to the point they no longer wanted to have sex bc of their weight.
My dh has told me on many occasions (especially during pgy) that he is glad that I don't /didn't let myself go like alot of other housewives he has seen. I always follow it up w/.....well would you still love me if I gained a bunch of weight. He says yeah, I'd still love you but the level of 'physical' attraction may not be the same if you weighed 3001bs. He said I'd still be just as attracted if you put on 20 or even 30 1bs, but being plain fat is not attractive. I can actually understand where he is coming from when he explained himself.

BUT-there has to be men out there that AREN'T turned off by their overweight dw. I Believe someone even mentioned here, about being embarrased to be seen by their friends if they had a fat gf.
I almost feel that we are to be less shallow than the world BUT at the same time we still live in the flesh and like being around beatiful things.

There's one argument that says: you are shallow if you want your spouse to stay in shape and take care of their temple.

The other argument is: You should ALWAYS be attracted to you spouse even if they weighed 500 1bs, and if you aren't attracted you are shallow.

Can there be a middle ground? Can't you be in love w/ your spouse, but not find them attractive? I'm not speaking of wives/husbands being mean to one anther bc they gained weight, and or cheating...that's apples and oranges.

 

[searle29678]

There are men and women out there who find being overweight attractive. I personally wouldn't feel any different about my husband if he gained weight, but like the OP has stated my physical attraction to him might decline. Does that mean I love him less? No. Physical attraction isn't what keeps us together. I would actually be very concerned about his health.

 

[Oblivious]

If my husband gained 200lbs, I certainly wouldn't dump him! But let's be honest, people who aren't overweight are alot more attractive then if they were. So honestly, my husband would lose some of his attractiveness in my eyes, plus some of my respect because he's not the type of person to "let himself go" so to speak.

Anyway, I'm not too worried as it's doubtful he'll pack on the pounds. We're both very active people who enjoy exercising together. Plus we both aren't big eaters.

 

[Yitzchak]

I think that huge weight gain is due to lifestyle changes. The concern I would have is why is one partner's lifestyle so much different than the other ?

My wife and I eat together and outside of work, our activities are almost all together. So the chances of one of us being much heavier than the other is very slim (no pun intended).

In answer to the main question. My number one concern would be spiritual. I want for both my life and my spouse's life to be pleasing to the Lord. My number two concern would be health. Extremely heavy people often die early deaths. Number three concern would be lifestyle. Extremely heavy people are often very limited in their energy levels and also in what acitivites they can comfortably perform. I really don't want the "rocking chair" all day lifestyle when I am still young. My number four concern would be attractiveness.

 

[Yitzchak]

One thing that I think is worth mentioning about this subject is the issue of how we handle one another's weaknesses. I find that my wife is not judging me for my weaknesses and gives me unconditional love. But I also find that she is always trying to do what she can to encourage me and inspire me to grow in all areas. I always try to do the same for her.

 

[Redguard]

My wife and I eat together and outside of work, our activities are almost all together. So the chances of one of us being much heavier than the other is very slim (no pun intended).

Metabolism.

A plate of chicken may result in a 1lb gain in weight for the man, but a 3 pound gain in weight for the woman.

It's just something people are born with.

 

[searle29678]

Metabolism.

A plate of chicken may result in a 1lb gain in weight for the man, but a 3 pound gain in weight for the woman.

It's just something people are born with.

That is very true. If my grandmother tries to eat the same thing as my grandpa even if they excercise the same amount, she will gain weight and he won't.

 

[Yitzchak]

Metabolism.

A plate of chicken may result in a 1lb gain in weight for the man, but a 3 pound gain in weight for the woman.

It's just something people are born with.

You're going to have a hard time convincing me. There may be a difference of 20 or 30 pounds but not a difference between one spouse being 150 pounds and the other being 350 pounds when they are on the same diet and activity level.

 

[searle29678]

You're going to have a hard time convincing me. There may be a difference of 20 or 30 pounds but not a difference between one spouse being 150 pounds and the other being 350 pounds when they are on the same diet and activity level.

This may be extreme but that is what happened to my grandparents. After the kids moved out they started exercising together every morning and doing everything together, including eating all the same foods at the same times. Within a year and a half my grandma had gained almost 100 pounds and my grandfather hadn't gained an ounce. This may not be true for everyone, but that was the only time in her life that she exercised and she actually gained weight

 

[Redguard]

I think that when it comes to assessing the weight of others, it's extremely important to take metabolism into consideration.

I've seen many a postings from people who just assume that if a person weighs a certain amount, then it's automatically because they're a lazy pig who doesn't exercise and eats nothing but junk food.

It's SO not true. Well... it may be for some people, but that assumption can't be made for everyone. Different bodies process food in different ways.

When I look through my wife's fitness magazines, it'll profile a person who used to weigh 240lbs but after 15 months of dieting and exercise now weighs 115lbs.

I say, "Shame" on that person. If you're capable of weighing 115 lbs, then you had NO BUSINESS weighing 240. But there are people out there who weigh 240.. and even if you stripped off all their fat and malnourished them severely, they'd weigh at least 130.

This is why charts don't work. Also, some people have hollow bones while others have dense bones.

 

[Yitzchak]

I think that when it comes to assessing the weight of others, it's extremely important to take metabolism into consideration.

I've seen many a postings from people who just assume that if a person weighs a certain amount, then it's automatically because they're a lazy pig who doesn't exercise and eats nothing but junk food.

It's SO not true. Well... it may be for some people, but that assumption can't be made for everyone. Different bodies process food in different ways.

When I look through my wife's fitness magazines, it'll profile a person who used to weigh 240lbs but after 15 months of dieting and exercise now weighs 115lbs.

I say, "Shame" on that person. If you're capable of weighing 115 lbs, then you had NO BUSINESS weighing 240. But there are people out there who weigh 240.. and even if you stripped off all their fat and malnourished them severely, they'd weigh at least 130.

This is why charts don't work. Also, some people have hollow bones while others have dense bones.

I think that we all can agree that there is some differences in what the healthy weight of a person is. Not all people of the same height have the same healthy weight. But we will find that those differences are relatively small. The difference between 120 pounds and 150 pounds for example. But the difference between 120 pounds and 400 pounds is not due to metabolism, it is due to lifestyle.

If I had a dollar for every person I have known who claimed their metabolism was to blame. Yet watching them eat, I saw a corelation between their lifestyle and weight.

I used to work with a man who was 400 pounds plus. He used to say all the time that it ran in his family and they all had slow metabolisms. One day he asked me if I would pick up some lunch for him on the way back to work from my lunch. He had me pick up a triple combo meal , biggie sized , from wendy's with a large frosty on the side. After finishing that off, he perceeded to order a medium size pizza from dominos which he polished off himself.

For example , when researchers looked at the people who live in okinawa to try to find out why their life expectency is so much higher than ours , they found that lifestyle was the key difference. What they ate and how much they exercised. It was very , very rare to find an overweight person there.

I have compassion for people who have a weakness in the area of weight control. But I am not buying into the denial that people live under that they have no control over their weight.

Reseachers always find that when people "self report" their data that they tend to not be accurate. Whether it be diet or spending or whatever. if you track a person's actual habits and their perceptions they will almost always be very different. Track the actual amount of calories that a person eats and their actual activity level and you will find that a connection between their weight and their lifestyle.

Find me a person who is 300 pounds , plus and in 99 out of 100 cases they will be operating at the extreme high end of their potential weight. Their range may be 150-500 , while someone else of the same height has a range of 130-400. But you can be sure they are not at the bottom of their range.

The thing is, I don't even consider a weight problem worth talking about unless the person is 50 pounds or more over their ideal weight.

 

[Linnis]

When I lost too much weight(Got sick, ended up at 88pounds) my hubby besides being worried for my health(which surprisingly has similar problems as lots of excess weight) he said he didn't like the idea of me looking like a 12 year old girl. Thanks to 3 days in the hospital and enough antibiotics to medicate a small country I got better BUT he did admit I wasn't as pretty. That being said he didn't love me any less.

A friend of my husband's finds bigger girls really hot and thinks women like me to be not attractive.

 

[Ilovemyhusband]

Reading some of the recent posts has me curious. I have seen some men that were in shape, and their wives be overweight (and vice versa,but I'm zoning in on men since it seems to be more of an issue)
Some men seem perfectly happy and content- that you can almost feel the love he has for his wife.....then there are some men, who seem to be embarrased...you see that not so happy look on his face...him trailing behind his wife etc.

I've also heard stories about how men were repulsed by their wives to the point they no longer wanted to have sex bc of their weight.
My dh has told me on many occasions (especially during pgy) that he is glad that I don't /didn't let myself go like alot of other housewives he has seen. I always follow it up w/.....well would you still love me if I gained a bunch of weight. He says yeah, I'd still love you but the level of 'physical' attraction may not be the same if you weighed 3001bs. He said I'd still be just as attracted if you put on 20 or even 30 1bs, but being plain fat is not attractive. I can actually understand where he is coming from when he explained himself.

BUT-there has to be men out there that AREN'T turned off by their overweight dw. I Believe someone even mentioned here, about being embarrased to be seen by their friends if they had a fat gf.
I almost feel that we are to be less shallow than the world BUT at the same time we still live in the flesh and like being around beatiful things.

There's one argument that says: you are shallow if you want your spouse to stay in shape and take care of their temple.

The other argument is: You should ALWAYS be attracted to you spouse even if they weighed 500 1bs, and if you aren't attracted you are shallow.

Can there be a middle ground? Can't you be in love w/ your spouse, but not find them attractive? I'm not speaking of wives/husbands being mean to one anther bc they gained weight, and or cheating...that's apples and oranges.

I am 350 lbs and my husband adores me and thinks I am very attractive (not to mention, I was the only one after 3 years of marriage at our church vow renewal service who could get into her wedding gown), but that is the reason I married him. I knew that if I put on weight or LOST weight (some men have a problem with their wives being SMALLER than they were when they married), he would still be attractive to me.

I am still very active and I like going places and sex still interests me. (In fact, if you looked at me, your jaw might drop in disbelief at my 326lb measurement). *shrug* I suppose it is personal preference, but the vow made to me was "in sickness and in health...NO MATTER WHAT (yes, my preacher made me and my husband repeat "no matter what") until death do you part" So, we both knew we were in for keeps.
**Plus, I think my confidence and comfort in my own skin begets an attractiveness also from my husband (and my pretty smile )

 

[kidsminister]

I think a lot of people are confusing health with beauty!!

If a person is beautiful, then they're beautiful. Period. Not "they would good-looking if they lost X amount of pounds."

And honestly, the first step to HEALTHY weight loss for anyone is for them to start loving themselves. Thinking of themselves as beautiful. Weight loss inspired by love for oneself is healthy. Weight loss inspired by self-loathing can (and often does!) lead to an eating disorder. And it rarely works.

I started out on my journey weighing almost 250 pounds (on a 5'6" frame). I got that way because I hated myself. So I would try to lose weight. Then I'd mess up. And I'd hate myself some more. So I'd eat more.

It wasn't until I started telling myself, "Girl, you are HOT!" and started telling others around me the same thing about me, that I started believing it myself. I have lost weight just by loving my body enough to treat it right. I could have lost faster had I started a "program," but I've made permanent life changes. I've gradually changed my eating habits. Gotten in more exercise in my daily life - walking more, etc...

I don't weigh myself very often, but I do know that I picked up a pair of jeans a couple of months ago at a thrift store that I didn't even have a prayer of buttoning (they were $3, and the store had no fitting rooms, so I decided to take the gamble!). I kept them in my drawer, and last week, just out of curiosity, I tried them on. They fit!! So I know I have lost. But I am not any "better looking" than I was before. I am healthier. I have more muscle tone. And I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing, because it's working.

Along the way, I've had tremendous support from my husband, who thinks I'm gorgeous at any size. If he had told me that I was not as physically attractice at 250 as I would be at my "ideal" weight, it would have crushed me. I would have been sitting there, trying to convince myself that I was beautiful, while my own husband was telling me the opposite.

I encourage you - when you see someone who looks overweight, don't judge them! You don't have any idea where they're at emotionally. Maybe they're trying to get into the frame of mind where they love themselves enough to do what's healthy. Maybe they HAVE lost a bunch of weight already.

Issues with food/eating are complicated, because unlike drugs or alcohol, we NEED to eat every day!! We can't just quit food cold turkey. It takes a lot of trial and error to find a formula that we can live with. And I'd rather spend a few more years above my "ideal weight" than hurry up and lose a bunch real fast (and develop an eating disorder along the way - which I have flirted with in the past!), just so that other people think I'm attractive.

I am attractive! My husband thinks I'm hot - I think I'm hot, and my friends think I'm hot. And my doctor says I'm "disgustingly healthy," BTW! I'm working on developing healthier habits for long term, because a lot of times, weight-related problems don't show up until later in life.

But all in all, I'm an attractive, healthy, confident woman whose husband adores me. And if any of you have "overweight" spouses, you need to adore them, too. If you're married to them, start thinking of them as the most attractive human being on the face of the earth!