I can be either depending upon the age/wisdom of the other asking.
Since the ultimate relationship is with God, this is to take priority over all other relationships.
In matters vertical, Baptism by immersion, is a most serious committment. It is an eternal promise/vow one [who is made] is making with the Maker/Creator. There is nothing more deep and serious than this step, which truly begins the marriage to the Lamb.
In matters horizontal, the Bible [KJB] is to be the standard between the male and female. In fact, it is the man's duty to seek His Heavenly Father's choice first and foremost, and to seek the blessing of the earthly fathers/mothers also. Without these, it is generally 'theft', which is transgression of the 8th commandment [Exodus 20:15 KJB]. For one may steal the affections of another from their guardians/stewards/parents, which is rightfully due to them, as the 5th Commandment states [Exodus 20:12 KJB]. Consider the examples given us in scripture, beginning with Adam. Adam could not ultimately know what was needful for him in an helpmeet, except God, Adam's Father, bring such to him. Consider Samson in his erroneous choices, and in disrespect of his parents desires. There are many such cases in scripture in Genesis 4, 6 and so on. For more, ask about the "sons of God" and the "daughters of men", and I will gladly share the real depth of those things in matters about right relationships.
The female married must be on the same page religiously. Mixed marriages/relationships generally harm any children that come of it, and bring confusion to them, in the divded nature of matters religious, which are at the core of the heart. Notice what Scripture says:
Song of Songs 4:9 KJB - Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.
First the female must be a "sister" in Christ, before ever to be considered for "spouse". There is no other option. It cannot also be just any 'believer', but must be of the same mind, for consider Moses and his wife, Zipporah. Both were roughly equal in their knowledge of God, and once married walked into greater knowing together. As scripture would say, be evenly yoked and not unevenly yoked. One person cannot be "all the spiritual" for the other. Think of the marriage as the joining of the two hemispheres of the brain, both must work together, in harmony, otherwise there is disphoria, dementia, schizophrenia, etc. As the natural, so the spiritual [1 Corinthians 15:46 JB].
There must be a continual effort to unite in heart and mind, daily, as unto God, otherwise, the relationship is more than like to crack, fracture and split over minor matters.
There must be humilty on both parts, the male and the female, and yet there can only be one head, and the female must recognize this [as in the LORD].
There must be sacrifice on both parts, the male and the female, and yet, the male is to be the more sacrificial, the more self-denying, the most Christlike as possible.
There must be a total sharing with each other, money, etc, and a somewhat sharing of their past [some things belong only to God, and ought stay with Jesus], but in all things clear honesty and integrity.
All things must be tested as far as is possible before marriage. Money is one primary example. Prayer another, and so on.
Take into account the relations of the other person considered. Are they good or bad influences etc.
A Garden of Eden Home school, where all is submitted to God, and the family is united together so far as is possible. Certain goals, would include not living in cities, where there is all manner of crime, filth, noise, pollution, scenes of violence etc. A place where active and healthy activity in the sunshine, fresh air, and so on. A place where food is grown and cultivated, as thus as the earthen soil of the ground, so the earthen vessel of the heart, to be so likewise cultivated, into greater and greater expressions of joy, love, peace, faith and faithfulness, service, ministry and so on [and forgiveness, patience, long-suffering, where needful].
All such is forbidden by God, and a 'ring' [etc, Jewlery] spent with God's means, for such purposes is misuse and properly theft thereof. There are many scriptures [KJB] on this [and I know the examples people attempt to use to say otherwise, and they do not understand those texts], however, I will presently share that no piece of jewlery, no matter how precious and valuable, will keep anyone faithful, if the heart is not committed, neither faithful.
The "wedding band" that Christ gave to Eve was the House-band, which is to say, her Hus-band, Adam. It is He which binds the family, in Christ, being priest of the household. It is the males arms of love to encircle the immeditate wife and children, and God's arms around them each and all.
The value of the other, is to be seen in Christ's sacrifice for them. For ye are of more value than many sparrows ...
Most who are male are not "men". Christ is the "man" and the example for all such.
Consider [some of the video will cut out, but the audio still goes, very powerful]:
Counsels on Courtship and Marriage:
http://www.sdadefend.com/MINDEX-SOP Compilations/MARRIAGE.pdf
Letters to Young Lovers:
http://www.ellenwhitedefend.com/Family-Education/Letters-Young-Lovers.pdf
Testimonies on Sexual Behaviour, Adultery, and Divorce:
http://www.ellenwhitedefend.com/Family-Education/TSB.pdf
The Adventist Home:
http://centrowhite.org.br/files/ebooks/egw-english/books/The Adventist Home.pdf
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