Meaning of Due Benevolence

[chaz345]

Sometimes the Lord speaks through our spouse. I dont think we should put God in such a box that He cant use our spouse to give us supernatural wisdom or warning.

I agree. My difficulty is when a spouse takes a "it's my main function as their spouse to be their own personal holy spirit" sort of stance. Like I've said, in cases of blatant sin, it's one thing. But we see all sorts of advice here to "lay down the law" or set a boundry or whatever you want to call it, over things that are personal preference rather than obvious sin. Most often these are tied up in "he has to love his wife as Christ loved the church" which is warped into pretty much "whatever she wants is what he's supposed to give". Funny though how as soon as the "hard" side of Christ's love, the part where He plainly and directly confronts sin, it suddenly switches to "well the guy isn't perfect, he can't possibly have enough discernment to do that".

 

[mkgal1]

I agree. My difficulty is when a spouse takes a "it's my main function as their spouse to be their own personal holy spirit" sort of stance. Like I've said, in cases of blatant sin, it's one thing. But we see all sorts of advice here to "lay down the law" or set a boundry or whatever you want to call it, over things that are personal preference rather than obvious sin. Most often these are tied up in "he has to love his wife as Christ loved the church" which is warped into pretty much "whatever she wants is what he's supposed to give". Funny though how as soon as the "hard" side of Christ's love, the part where He plainly and directly confronts sin, it suddenly switches to "well the guy isn't perfect, he can't possibly have enough discernment to do that".

The overall stance is that marriage is to make us holy....it works in both directions in a two-way relationship. The "relation" part is key.....how my actions and behaviors affects another person gives me greater insight to myself. And....I'm not talking about picking on another's flaws....I'm talking about things that come between the couple & resolving them for the sake of their bond.

Do you remember when your children were young, how they mimic you? How they repeat key phrases that you may not realize you repeat often....and how it *sounds* different coming out of their mouth or the way they inact it?

Yes....we *do* have the Holy Spirit....but, if that were all it takes....then why is there still sin in the pews at church? Why aren't we all sanctified? Why the verses about speaking truth in love.....if someone has something against us....if someone sins against us....etc?

 

[Created2Write]

Sometimes the Lord speaks through our spouse. I dont think we should put God in such a box that He cant use our spouse to give us supernatural wisdom or warning.

I don't think anyone has said He can't. However, if my husband comes to me and says, "God told me to tell you that you're being selfish, and here's a verse to prove it", am I supposed to just blindly accept what he says? No. There could be truth to what's being said, but there could also be nothing but a selfish, resentful spirit trying to manipulate me into changing something within myself that doesn't need to be changed. My husband isn't perfect, therefore it's foolish to assume every "feeling" he has regarding my spiritual walk with God is perfect. That's why God is to be our spiritual mirror first, because people often fail.

I never act as the Holy Spirit to my husband, I act as his wife. If my feelings are hurt by something he says or does, I say so in a respectful way and I let God convict him of it if he needs to be convicted. And when he apologizes, I accept his apology but I never, ever, presume to act as though I have right to tell him when he's sinning and when he's not. I hasten to add that we have not experienced major sin in our marriage for sometime, and when it has occurred it's been in the form of a confession and apology, so I've not ever needed to confront him. I know other situations are different.

 

[mkgal1]

I don't think anyone has said He can't. However, if my husband comes to me and says, "God told me to tell you that you're being selfish, and here's a verse to prove it", am I supposed to just blindly accept what he says? No. There could be truth to what's being said, but there could also be nothing but a selfish, resentful spirit trying to manipulate me into changing something within myself that doesn't need to be changed. My husband isn't perfect, therefore it's foolish to assume every "feeling" he has regarding my spiritual walk with God is perfect. That's why God is to be our spiritual mirror first, because people often fail.

I never act as the Holy Spirit to my husband, I act as his wife. If my feelings are hurt by something he says or does, I say so in a respectful way and I let God convict him of it if he needs to be convicted. And when he apologizes, I accept his apology but I never, ever, presume to act as though I have right to tell him when he's sinning and when he's not. I hasten to add that we have not experienced major sin in our marriage for sometime, and when it has occurred it's been in the form of a confession and apology, so I've not ever needed to confront him. I know other situations are different.

I used the word, "mirror" and "reflection" for a reason. That's not what I meant. How has God demonstrated being your mirror? Because what I am talking about is more about degrees of how we are doing. I mentioned dysmorphia awhile ago....we can certainly be looking to God as our mirror and see something about ourself that isn't there (or see it in a distorted way) without having someone in the flesh reflect the truth back to us.

There are things besides sin that hinder a relationship.

 

[Created2Write]

I used the word, "mirror" and "reflection" for a reason. That's not what I meant. How has God demonstrated being your mirror?

He uses His Word, sometimes He speaks to my heart. To give an example of both things: once when Jason and I were out to dinner, there was some misunderstanding between us and he said something I did not like at all. I went to the bathroom to calm down. While I was gone, Jason had pulled out his smartphone and pulled up Proverbs. When I came back and sat down he apologized over and over, as God had used a verse in Proverbs to act as a mirror, so he could see how his behavior had really come across.

He speaks to me at times after I've said something mean or spiteful to Jason. Reminds me that I would not appreciate being spoken to in such a way, and I'm immediately calmed and apologize to Jason very sincerely. So yes, God does act as my mirror.

Because what I am talking about is more about degrees of how we are doing. I mentioned dysmorphia awhile ago....we can certainly be looking to God as our mirror and see something about ourself that isn't there (or see it in a distorted way) without having someone in the flesh reflect the truth back to us.

Uhhhh, I have no idea what you're saying here. I do not agree that we need a human person to act as our mirror. I don't believe it at all. Not only am I imperfect, but so are they. God and His Word are not, they are perfect. Can God use people to speak to us? Yes, of course. But I don't see that as them being our mirror.

There are things besides sin that hinder a relationship.

Yes, I know.

 

[mkgal1]

He uses His Word, sometimes He speaks to my heart. To give an example of both things: once when Jason and I were out to dinner, there was some misunderstanding between us and he said something I did not like at all. I went to the bathroom to calm down. While I was gone, Jason had pulled out his smartphone and pulled up Proverbs. When I came back and sat down he apologized over and over, as God had used a verse in Proverbs to act as a mirror, so he could see how his behavior had really come across.

Would Jason have apologized (or even gotten out his phone to look up Proverbs) if you hadn't gotten upset and gone to the restroom to calm down? Would he have even realized he had said something that could possibly upset you? IOW....if you had grit your teeth and "sucked it up"...and not said a word....acted as if his words hadn't stung....would he have realized anything was wrong?

 

[Created2Write]

Would Jason have apologized (or even gotten out his phone to look up Proverbs) if you hadn't gotten upset and gone to the restroom to calm down? Would he have even realized he had said something that could possibly upset you? IOW....if you had grit your teeth and "sucked it up"...and not said a word....acted as if his words hadn't stung....would he have realized anything was wrong?

As I am not all-knowing, I can't answer for sure, but given his response in other situations, yes, I think he would have. He often does without me doing or saying anything, which is why I don't agree with the idea that any human being on this earth could possibly live up to the responsibilities of being a spiritual mirror.

 

[dallasapple]

Uhhhh, I have no idea what you're saying here. I do not agree that we need a human person to act as our mirror. I don't believe it at all. Not only am I imperfect, but so are they. God and His Word are not, they are perfect. Can God use people to speak to us? Yes, of course. But I don't see that as them being our mirror.

You might ask your psychology class teacher about that..its a FACT not only are humans our mirrors but that is exactly how we develop our self image..our ego ..our realization that we are a mixture of good and bad(and to what extent )..is through mirrowing from birth the humans around us..mainly our parents..

Many personality disorders including narcissim and borderline personality are from dysfunctional/imbalanced mirrowing either being treated too harshly (critisized too harshly shamed etc)..or SPOILED ..(told we are better than others /cant make any mistakes in mommy and daddys eyes etc)

Its a FACT that is in the books..and has been proven ..in the very field you are studying..that people use other people as a "mirror" to gauge if our behavior is good or bad..acceptable or not..to self assure..to sooth our egos..etc..

Dallas

 

[Created2Write]

You might ask your psychology class teacher about that..its a FACT not only are humans our mirrors but that is exactly how we develop our self image..our ego ..our realization that we are a mixture of good and bad(and to what extent )..is through mirrowing from birth the humans around us..mainly our parents..

Many personality disorders including narcissim and borderline personality are from dysfunctional/imbalanced mirrowing either being treated too harshly (critisized too harshly shamed etc)..or SPOILED ..(told we are better than others /cant make any mistakes in mommy and daddys eyes etc)

Its a FACT that is in the books..and has been proven ..in the very field you are studying..that people use other people as a "mirror" to gauge if our behavior is good or bad..acceptable or not..to self assure..to sooth our egos..etc..

Dallas

Until it was said on this forum, I have never heard of people being our spiritual mirrors. I understand that the way other people treat us helps to shape our individuality and identity. That I get, and my psychology teacher never once referred to it as "mirroring". To be someone's spiritual mirror, though, one does need to be perfect and since none of us are, I leave all "mirroring" to God and His Word. And really, there isn't a need for any other mirror, imo. The Bible outlines very clearly what is and is not acceptable in the life of a Christian. As long as I read the Word and pray and have a heart willing to be lead by Christ, I don't need any other "mirrors". Mentors, yes. Leaders, yes. Teachers, yes. But not "mirrors".

When I look into a physical mirror, I don't just see what I want to see, I see what actually is. When I wake up in the morning and look into the mirror and my hair is all messy and my leftover makeup is smeared under my eyes, nothing I can do right then is going to change that reflection. The only way the reflection changes is if I change; take a shower, wash my face, style my hair, etc. A mirror is unbiased and completely, 100% truthful and is never, ever, wrong.

It is impossible for any human being to accurately act as a mirror to another person. We are biased, we can't see the person's heart and intentions, and we're not all-knowing. We can act as a help to them, someone who is assisting them in changing what needs to be changed(akin to a curling iron or hair straightener in my other example of an actual mirror), but I don't believe we can act as the mirror itself.

 

[mrisin]

Daytona Beach Morning Journal - Google News Archive Search

[FONT=&quot]In 1950 it is asked, "Can a wife "reform" her husband"?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Answer from psychologist:[/FONT]

"As a rule, not if she goes about it on the basis of a conscious or unconscious feeling that she is morally superior to him."​

[FONT=&quot]Bingo! A simple truth. [/FONT]​

 

[JRSut1000]

Which specific question are you referring to in the article? The one about shaming husbands? I definitely agree with that, it doesnt work and it just tears down rather than builds up.

 

[mrisin]

Reading Eagle - Google News Archive Search