Mean Thoughts

[EtainSkirata]

I keep thinking mean thoughts towards my bf. And not just little quick intrusive thoughts, but I'll be in the bathroom or something and go through this whole scenario in my head where I get mad at him for something totally made up. And sometimes I think of situations that could be the end of the relationship, and this weird feeling of relief comes in??

Some key points:
I want to marry him
I think he's amazing
I'm pretty sure I have OCD, but this feels different

I prayed this morning, that I renounce these thoughts in Jesus' name. But I'm worried that having these thoughts means I don't love him enough, or that I should leave the relationship because I'm not sure i want to be with him forever? I will say I second guess myself A LOT and I obsess over whether or not we're compatible. I had peace about my decision to want to marry him about 6 months ago, but I feel anxious now. And I don't think I have any real reason to.

Also, I've had mean thoughts towards my best friend before; she would get on my nerves and eventually we stopped being friends because she stopped honoring God. And I've had the relief-at-end-of-relationship feeling when I was having conflict with another friend and thought of a scenario where we'd no longer be friends.

So, I guess I'm thinking out loud, but maybe I'm just trying to avoid my uncertainty and internal conflict?

If anyone has any thoughts or just thinks I'm over thinking this, I'd appreciate it.

 

[Benjamin Müller]

Are you a maladaptive daydreamer by chance?

I find that I can think up scenarios like that myself and get myself worked up about imaginary situations and I just have to stop myself and say, these things are unrealistic; they're not going to happen and I 'switch the channel'. I never considered it as being some indicator that my relationship wasn't well; I just daydream too much and think about too many things and too many what if scenarios.

It could be because he's the closest person to you, he's the one you think these thoughts about.

While I have no medical training to give advice, but it could also be your anxiety about marriage getting to you. If it becomes troublesome, professional counseling from a church counsellor or doctor could help alleviate some of the anxiety. Cold-feet before marriage is pretty common.

 

[tturt]

You might want to talk to a Christian counselor before continuing your relationship and definitely before marriage.