Mature chat thread.....

[peacechild4]

pc ... go to hear you made it thru that step.

Thank you.. and thank you for your encouragement.. I feel so much better for it.. like a load off you know..

 

[peacechild4]

Bittersweet decision, I'm sure PC. Really glad to hear it though.

Thank you.. it is.. bless your heart.. some people.. family even just ignore that it happened to me and say nothing.. nothing at all.... but the amazing thing is.. you guys across the ocean right here.. through a computer screen can make me feel like it does matter.. GOD bless you..

The thing about divorce is.. it happens.. alot.. and people hurt.. and although the majority of christians want to think that "marriage" is up there on a pedastal and we who do this gastly deed are pure evil.. it is nothing compared to how important people are that go through all this.. it is how you treat a person that matters most not about what they did or did not do..

People are so judgemental.. without even realizing it.. sigh.. yes I have been too.. but I am learning quickly just what that does to a soul..

You can bet your bottom dollar I will be making sure people I know who go through this feel loved by me and not judged..

Sorry.. LOL... hugs for all those in this thread who have been through this.. or have suffered the break down of a relationship in any way.. it hurts.. and we need to care for each other..

 

[peacechild4]

So last night I knock on my son's door. He had a friend over (guy) and it was locked. Walk in to find they are drinking shots of vodka! I was stunned and didn't really know how to react so I told him "well you can't drink and drive" cuz he had picked his friend up. Also asked where they got the alcohol and it was from the friend. So this morning I get up and our puppy goes in his room and won't quit licking the trash can and I'm trying to shoo her out of the room and my son gets up and puts the bag that was in the trash bag in our bigger trash and I ask him what was in it that she was trying to get THROW UP! So I'm guessing he got sick and this morning he got up early and took a shower (not normal) took some ibuprofen and had a stomach ache. I surely hope this deters him. Going to have a talk with him about it tonight.
Then I talked to my step daughter and it appears that my other step daughter (her sister) said that even though she is "supposed" to be a christian she can never forgive me for ganging up with her ex when they got divorced. WOW! I didn't do that really, but she had an adulterous affair and I stayed in contact with her ex because of the grandkids. SHE shut me out but I hold no angst against her and was hoping someday she would get over whatever it is she's mad at me for cuz she's never said and today is the first I finally found out about it. I just feel bad for HER cuz if she doesn't forgive me God won't forgive her and I already forgave her for her actions.

It is hard when our kids grow up and choose ways of the world that would or could hurt them..

I just think back to when I was experimenting with stuff.. sigh.. my parents made me feel i wanted to do it more and more because they were so strict.. kinda pushed me away instead of love me and care for me.. it is hard to know where to draw the line isn't it.. between caring and letting them learn as they grow up.. How old is your son?? I will pray for you both..

Sorry about this other relationship.. sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder.. and taking it out on you.. I will pray.. keeping hurt in really does destroy us inside doesn't it.. It is true that without forgiveness GOD cannot forgive us.. she needs alot of patience and prayer.. and wisdom to know how to treat her back when she treats you that way..

 

[dayhiker]

WOW, MbM, what an eventful time you are having!

I agree with PC, its hard to balance letting kids learn on their own and when its serious enough to step in and say this has to stop. A good decision to say no driving. Definitely not an over reaction. I pray the talk tonight goes well.

Again PC nailed it I think with your step daughter having a chip on her shoulder. Is that her general approach to life? Did she just want you to chose her side and separate yourself from her ex? I'd say you don't have to make that choice. You can be friends with both. My parents are still see my EX and while it bothers me that I'm not invited when my sons are there, I'd never say they should be able to see each other.

Well, life is interesting for sure.

 

[dayhiker]

PC, I'm with you on people ignoring our divorces. They just don't know how to talk about it and so they say nothing. But it comes across as a judgment for sure. I try to say something to each divorced person I meet now to indicate that I accept that they had to get a divorced. After all if they didn't get a divorce they wouldn't have so some issue was beyond their ability to change. The church thinks that just because Jesus said Moses gave divorce because of the hardness of our hearts that now we can not have a hard heart. But I don't see this hard heart as sinful. Its just something that we can't do. We all have things we can't do. Some can't give speeches. Some can't talk about sex. Some can't stand near a high ledge. Its all part of what I see in this phrase harness of our heart. Any two people are going to have things that they both can't do. Luckily, some don't matter much so we can find a work around and keep going on.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

So nice to come here and not be judged isn't it? PC I know this is extremely hard for you. I know your heart does not want to give up and you want to honor God. You also know you have no control over other people and sometimes things like this are out of our control. Death is the same way. I didn't want my husband to die, but he did. Was it my fault? No. And I know if you could have your wish your husband would accept the Lord as his Savior and you would stay married. I, in NO way, judge you for what you are having to go thru and you know I am your friend albeit far away friend, but friend and sister in the Lord nevertheless. I pray for you when I read about your hardships and mine are minimal compared to what some people are enduring and I know that too. I want you to know even in the midst of your trying ordeal, you are such an inspiration. I see all the inspirational posts you make on FB and I think you are amazing. I can only imagine what the people around you feel because of the Holy Spirit in you! Keep the Faith sister! Soon enough we will end this tragic world we live in and be in eternity with God and all our tears will be wiped away at that time.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

So today my son (he is 17 btw) texted me to "ask" if he could go to a party after work with his drinking buddy after work.(he didn't say drinking buddy but it's the guy he was drinking with the other night). So I ask him if he's gonna be drinking and again emphasize that not only do I disagree with him drinking but he cannot drink and drive so how would he accomplish that? Anyway, I have to give him kudos for being honest and I know that he could sneak and do whatever he wanted anyway. I did also tell him about alcohol poisoning and that I was worried about that. Not to mention the fact that he is underage! It is SO hard! I know I was drinking (responsibly yeah right) at this age but I didn't ask permission.

So about my step daughter yeah BIG chip. As I was reflecting yesterday (telling myself it didn't bother me) I remembered how she used to "hate" her dad for also no apparent reason at different times in her life and me too when she was a teenager so it seems she has to have someone to "hate" in her life. She is just so venomous about it. I just continue to pray for her and I asked God what does He want ME to learn or do with this information. I decided that IF it would help, I would apologize to her (even if I didn't do anything). I know right now it won't change anything, but maybe in the future. I talked to my other daughter this morning about it and I really really don't have any angst against her. I wonder what happened in her life that I don't know about that caused her to be this way. She is the one that uses abortions like birth control (has had about 4 or 5 we think) and is currently pregnant due in October with her 3rd child. IDK but it's in God's hands. Thanks for letting me vent. It DOES help. Right PC?

 

[dayhiker]

One of my best freinds has several family member that get angry and cut off all contact. Its got to be one of humanities dumbest reactions that I can think of. Yet they are so commited to reacting that way. My freind has apologies to his son many times to try and keep the relationship going. But its accomplished nothing. I would have been the 1st a few years ago to say humble yourself by apologing. Now I don't know if its worth it with that type of person.

 

[dayhiker]

OH ya ,,, ya for a non judgemental place to vent.

 

[peacechild4]

PC, I'm with you on people ignoring our divorces. They just don't know how to talk about it and so they say nothing. But it comes across as a judgment for sure. I try to say something to each divorced person I meet now to indicate that I accept that they had to get a divorced. After all if they didn't get a divorce they wouldn't have so some issue was beyond their ability to change. The church thinks that just because Jesus said Moses gave divorce because of the hardness of our hearts that now we can not have a hard heart. But I don't see this hard heart as sinful. Its just something that we can't do. We all have things we can't do. Some can't give speeches. Some can't talk about sex. Some can't stand near a high ledge. Its all part of what I see in this phrase harness of our heart. Any two people are going to have things that they both can't do. Luckily, some don't matter much so we can find a work around and keep going on.

I wish I could reply to every post.. sigh.. kids want to go home.. and so much I want to do online and trying but that only makes them want to go home even more.. thank you for every reply.. brother I could tell this about you.. because of the comments you have made to me over the last few months.. it really really really helps.. to all of you.. I feel your concern.. and care.. and support.. and that is what is needed most of all..

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

*update*

Son went to the party and actually came home that night (whew). Didn't seem intoxicated. We didn't really chat about it, but I'm glad he didn't get wasted (or at least I don't think he did).

Step-daughter? well her loss. I keep praying for her and I will continue. Some day she will have to choose. God has her so I can't dwell on it. Makes me kinda sad, but it's not on me. I didn't do the things she's accusing me of (not the first time in my family either that I've been accused of something I did NOT do) and even if I did, it's not SO terrible that it shouldn't be forgiven. Especially since she still sees her kids every other weekend whether she wants to or not and has a new love soon to be husband in her life. And I hold no angst against her. It's all between her and God now.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

OK I just put an add on craigslist to sell a couch and loveseat for $120.00. It's in the add how much I'm asking and someone just texted me that they want to know how much for the couches ????? Really?? unbelievable!

 

[Mydnyte]

OK I just put an add on craigslist to sell a couch and loveseat for $120.00. It's in the add how much I'm asking and someone just texted me that they want to know how much for the couches ????? Really?? unbelievable!

This is why I rarely try to sell anything and usually just trade a vehicle to a dealer and take the loss of money I might have got for it. People are just so annoyingly dumb sometimes.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

This is why I rarely try to sell anything and usually just trade a vehicle to a dealer and take the loss of money I might have got for it. People are just so annoyingly dumb sometimes.

Well if I try to sell it in a yardsale they want me to just give it to them so I have no choice, but after I answered them..........silence. It was also not a local area code which may or may not mean anything these days. I just thought ????? read much? LOL

 

[Mydnyte]

Well if I try to sell it in a yardsale they want me to just give it to them so I have no choice, but after I answered them..........silence. It was also not a local area code which may or may not mean anything these days. I just thought ????? read much? LOL

My brother sells lots of stuff on Craigs List and if I eve want to go that route, I'll probably just have him list it and give him a cut of the money.

On another note: There's a job listing in this weeks paper from a company about 2 miles from my house. The place is an automotive parts manufacturer. Gonna go apply tomorrow. Not expecting it to be anything great, but maybe if I get a job there I can get caught up some financially. Also hoping to maybe get an afternoon shift. Not really what I want, but it would at least allow me to go back to school and finish my degree.

 

[peacechild4]

So nice to come here and not be judged isn't it? PC I know this is extremely hard for you. I know your heart does not want to give up and you want to honor God. You also know you have no control over other people and sometimes things like this are out of our control. Death is the same way. I didn't want my husband to die, but he did. Was it my fault? No. And I know if you could have your wish your husband would accept the Lord as his Savior and you would stay married. I, in NO way, judge you for what you are having to go thru and you know I am your friend albeit far away friend, but friend and sister in the Lord nevertheless. I pray for you when I read about your hardships and mine are minimal compared to what some people are enduring and I know that too. I want you to know even in the midst of your trying ordeal, you are such an inspiration. I see all the inspirational posts you make on FB and I think you are amazing. I can only imagine what the people around you feel because of the Holy Spirit in you! Keep the Faith sister! Soon enough we will end this tragic world we live in and be in eternity with God and all our tears will be wiped away at that time.

Thank you precious friend.. for everything.. it is exactly this.. what you have written that keeps me going..

Actually offline.. LOL.. I am quiet and hidden away.. do not see many people apart from my parents and children.. but online I can just flow and flow.. so I come here where it works best..

 

[peacechild4]

*update*

Son went to the party and actually came home that night (whew). Didn't seem intoxicated. We didn't really chat about it, but I'm glad he didn't get wasted (or at least I don't think he did).

Step-daughter? well her loss. I keep praying for her and I will continue. Some day she will have to choose. God has her so I can't dwell on it. Makes me kinda sad, but it's not on me. I didn't do the things she's accusing me of (not the first time in my family either that I've been accused of something I did NOT do) and even if I did, it's not SO terrible that it shouldn't be forgiven. Especially since she still sees her kids every other weekend whether she wants to or not and has a new love soon to be husband in her life. And I hold no angst against her. It's all between her and God now.

You wrote.. wow this is so wise.. and something I have to do daily sometimes hourly concerning my husband and others I have trouble with..

God has her so I can't dwell on it

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

So yesterday my 17 year old comes home and locks himself in his room. I knock on the door and he yells out "Go AWAY!!!" and I say "what's wrong?" and again he yells "GOOOOOOOOOOOO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
WOW! I think he had a fight with his gf but why do I always have to take the brunt of his anger? So later some friends come over to pick up some musical equipment and after they leave he holed up in his room for the rest of the night. ???? I really wish he would stop letting anger control his life so much. It's like he'd rather be angry than happy. He's rarely happy and I find that sad. I try to talk to him, but he's a closed door, just won't let me in. SOOOOOO wish his dad were here right now.

 

[peacechild4]

So yesterday my 17 year old comes home and locks himself in his room. I knock on the door and he yells out "Go AWAY!!!" and I say "what's wrong?" and again he yells "GOOOOOOOOOOOO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
WOW! I think he had a fight with his gf but why do I always have to take the brunt of his anger? So later some friends come over to pick up some musical equipment and after they leave he holed up in his room for the rest of the night. ???? I really wish he would stop letting anger control his life so much. It's like he'd rather be angry than happy. He's rarely happy and I find that sad. I try to talk to him, but he's a closed door, just won't let me in. SOOOOOO wish his dad were here right now.

I have an 18 year old in the house.. I KNOW this feeling of them taking it out on you.. I guess we just cannot take it personally because they are growing up and learning about the hardness of life.. I have to find ways to show love and kindness anyway because getting angry or sad doesn't help.. not easy.. I loved when my husband lived in the house.. to have his help in these situations.. now if I say anthing he says toughen up.. .... sigh.. I just know how you feel..

 

[dayhiker]

When I was that age, I didn't tell anyone anything. The sentences I said most often was "Doesn't matter to me." and "I don't know." Those were honest comments from me .. but of course they didn't tell anyone anything. I was thinking about a lot of things and defining my world view, but I didn't know how to put it into words in a conversation and I really didn't see any reason to tell other people any of it. Now I tell people more than they want to know ... LOL