- Feb 2, 2022
- 4
- 7
- 24
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Private
My name is Carter, and I'm gonna be honest, I want to commit suicide. I came to Christ a year ago, and while this was the best decision I've ever made and also the happiest, it's also been the hardest.
For a year now, I've had to wrestle with the fact that God does not accept homosexuality. This is emotionally difficult because I have a very dear family member who is gay. My uncle for as long as I can remember has been gay. He's been a role model to me and I love him very much. I've always been raised to believe that being gay is okay, and my entire family has been nothing but accepting of him.
But now I have to oppose homosexuality, and I can't do it. I can't imagine having to look my parents in the face and tell them that it's wrong, and I couldn't dream of telling my uncle that. I can't bear having to inform them that anyone who practices it will suffer and go to hell for eternity.
The thought of causing them so much grief and anguish is horrific to me. It would break my mother's heart, and cause my whole family to estrange themselves from me. There is no escaping that they would hate me, refuse to talk to me, and worse. This to me is unendurable, and the thought of opposing my uncle for several years to come sounds like a hell on Earth.
Jesus said that anyone who loves family more than Him is not worthy, and even though I want to be worthy, I can't do this. I am not worthy, and I can't imagine having to bear all this pain for years on end. I see no other way out than to kill myself and avoid the unending pain that's coming.
For a year now, I've had to wrestle with the fact that God does not accept homosexuality. This is emotionally difficult because I have a very dear family member who is gay. My uncle for as long as I can remember has been gay. He's been a role model to me and I love him very much. I've always been raised to believe that being gay is okay, and my entire family has been nothing but accepting of him.
But now I have to oppose homosexuality, and I can't do it. I can't imagine having to look my parents in the face and tell them that it's wrong, and I couldn't dream of telling my uncle that. I can't bear having to inform them that anyone who practices it will suffer and go to hell for eternity.
The thought of causing them so much grief and anguish is horrific to me. It would break my mother's heart, and cause my whole family to estrange themselves from me. There is no escaping that they would hate me, refuse to talk to me, and worse. This to me is unendurable, and the thought of opposing my uncle for several years to come sounds like a hell on Earth.
Jesus said that anyone who loves family more than Him is not worthy, and even though I want to be worthy, I can't do this. I am not worthy, and I can't imagine having to bear all this pain for years on end. I see no other way out than to kill myself and avoid the unending pain that's coming.