Marrying young

[Green Orchid]

I would like to know:

If you got married when you were very young (18-21 years old) or young (22-25 years old)...

Do you love it or regret it?

And why?

Thanks!

 

[LiberatedChick]

I got married three weeks ago. So far so good but yeah I know...too early to tell for what you're asking. We've been living together since we were 18 though and have been together since we were 16 so we didn't have the whole moving in with each other thing to get used to after getting married. So we've actually been living together for almost three years now. Throughout that time our relationship has been strong.

 

[GirlieGirl]

I was 19 when I got married, my husband was 22.
We have been married for 5 1/2 years and are barely making it through.
Throughout our marriage we have had strong times... but now we are struggling. I used to tell people not to listen to those that discouraged them from getting married young. Now I have to agree with them.

I hate to be so somber, but perhaps we were too young and naive.

Do all young marriages fail? No.
But they are more difficult than most.

I'm really impressed by your honesty. And i'm curious to know what you've learned specifically about getting married young. How would waiting have been better etc?

 

[selune]

We married when we were 20. It's been 10 1/2 years now. One of the toughest things was being the "only married couple" then the "only ones with kids" for so long around our friends. Most of the people we knew with kids our oldest's age were about 15 years older than us and not of the same interests. It's easier now, but then it was hard to go through.

 

[Zoomer]

I was married at 20- our 4 year anniversary is coming up. I admit that sometimes when things get though, I wish I had waited until I was older. However, I really do enjoy being married young.

I think that younger couples enter into marriage with the wrong concepts. I think a disadvantage of marrying young is monetary security and emotionally maturity. Both seem to be in shorter supply when you are younger. I also feel that younger couples marry with the notion that once the wedding is over, it is happily ever after. Once the going gets tough, the marriage falters. The young marriages are no more difficult but the way problems are percieved and handled at a younger age are very different than at an older age.

 

[LiberatedChick]

I still think it's a question of maturity rather than age. There are some very mature 20 year olds out there whilst there's also some very immature 25 year olds out there.

 

[Cordy]

We got married in the “very young” category. It has been a wonderful experience for us, and we are both thankful that we got married when we did. We have found that getting married young has helped each of us in our goals because we have a constant support base from the other, and getting married young has also helped us grow together as we develop our identities as adults.

 

[Jenna]

I was 20, and Michael was 21 when we got married. We have problems, of course, but I think that most of it stems from ungodly influences and a lack of strong God-loving figures in our lives. It is hard to live a good life and treat each other as we should when we are both being bombarded with worldly views on every aspect of married life including, finances, working roles, childrearing, and even sex. I don't know that this would be any different regardless of our ages, to be honest. It's been our relationship and it's blessings that have helped to bring us back to the Lord. So, I don't have anything bad to say about my experience with marrying young. If anything, I'm just glad that we have a chance to work through these things now so we can enjoy more "good times" together. lol All in all, I think that it has to do with the condition of a person's heart, not the years on this earth. If a person is willing to be dedicated to their marriage, to try at all times to act with Love, and is open to the urgings of the Lord, then I don't think that age is an issue.

 

[tesnusxenos]

I was 21 and Shorty (my husband) was 23. I do not think our age was a factor at all since we had both been on our own since we were 16( I went to college at that age and he went to work) we have been married 22 years and though not all of it has been blissful the majority has. And it is awesome right now because we seem to love each other more and more every year!

 

[Mapik]

I just want to say, wonderful thread Green. My girlfriend and I have thoroughly discussed marriage at the age of 19(though it won't happen for another year). I'd like to hear more about the goods and bads of getting marriage at a young age. Keep posting young marriagers!

 

[pegatha]

I was 23 when I got married. That seems so young to me now, but at the time, I had several years of college under my belt and was an NCO in the army, living overseas and supporting myself. I would not have wanted to marry any earlier than that, though. I think I gained a lot from having some time on my own as an adult, without my parents there to supervise and shelter me. I really needed to see what I could achieve for myself before I got married. But that's my personality. If I hadn't done all that when I had the chance, I would always have wondered "what if?" and "why didn't I?". I'm also glad that when marriage had its rough spots in the early days (not to say it still doesn't sometimes ), I had some experience of life and adversity to shore me up and help me keep things in perspective. I don't think I could have faced those as well, coming straight from my parents' home or the college dorm.

 

[katelyn]

We were 20 and 21 when we got married. I would say the hardest part about getting married that young has been the fact that plans can change so easily when you are at that age...not knowing where we were going to live or what we were going to do exactly. Sometimes the unexpected has made things hard for us, and makes it hard to focus on the fact that you need to keep the right attitude about your relationship and remember that your spouse is supposed to be your ally, not your enemy, and if you treat them like your enemy you are only making the situation worse.

 

[Lorie]

I was 19 when i got married. I do regret not having my own life before i got married. (i am 40).

 

[Green Orchid]

It's great to see everyone's responses!

I got married 10 months ago at 20. My DH was 22. We are very happy, even though, like everyone, not everything is always perfect.

I'm very glad to have married when I did, especially that I had been living on my own since 17 and graduated from Bible College early as well.

But I do think that some people who get married at the same age as I did aren't ready to do so. The key is to let God shape our lives together to be molded into His plan for marriage.

Keep posting!

 

[IslandBreeze]

We got married in the “very young” category. It has been a wonderful experience for us, and we are both thankful that we got married when we did. We have found that getting married young has helped each of us in our goals because we have a constant support base from the other, and getting married young has also helped us grow together as we develop our identities as adults.

My thoughts exactly! I was 19 when I got married, and it was and remains the best decision I've ever made in my life.

 

[Swtsnshyn]

We got married in the "very young" category. He was 20, and I was 19. Three children (2 of which are grown), one grandchild, and almost 25 years later (will be 25 years in a couple of months), our love has grown and blossomed. We have grown together and as individuals with support, encouragement, and prayer each for the other. Also, we love each other more each day (which at times really boggles the mind). Knowing everything that we have been through (hard times included), it is still one of the best decisions I have ever made.


God Bless!!
Dawn
Shining brightly for Jesus

 

[redwing030]

We were in the "young category" when we got married 10 months ago. Both of us ABSOLUTELY love being married. Now looking back we wonder why we didn't just do it sooner. We love living together, gettin to go to sleep together, everything and would never want to go back to just dating. We are both sooo thrilled we got married when we did. No regrets here

 

[kimbot]

My husband and I have been married for 3 weeks, I'm 23 and he is 30, we're both only recently reborn (4 months) but I had been living with him for 2 years and dating him for 3 1/2. The wedding was everything i imagined and done on a budget of £900 thanks to our church and I have never been so happy(but that is also because I am so on fire for the Lord1). I have been reading a book called marriage takes more than love by Carole and Jack Mayhall and it is inspirational -- a must read for all married couples. All i know is that in this marriage there are three -my husband, myself and my God and that nothing in this world is stronger when Col(my husband) and I have jesus as the centre. And EVERYTHING that comes our way will serve to make us into the people god wants us to be if we walk by Him. I have to say we prayed alot before we got married asking if this was in His will and surely enough He spoke and gave his blessing - the point is no matter how much you love someone if it isnt in gods plan for you to marry them(or at that time) then it will always be second best.
For the future I can say that I know God is changing me everyday and whenever i feel irriatated or snappy (often the case ) i choose to pick LOVE. I dont always get it right but I'm willing and my god is a great god who can do miraculous things!. So really I think age is kind of irrelevant. if you ask God He Will answer.

That was a bit of a ramble but that book i mentioned really is brilliant and its one for the blokes aswell!

There was one more thing. Recently All i can think about is having babies - and i wonder did god put that in my heart? i found Psalm 127 in my quiet time but still am unsure. I'll keep praying about it though. When have other people found they were driven to start a family?

Love Kim

 

[Memory's Flame]

While I've only been married a month I don't think I can answer this question from my own experiances, but I can show those which I know.

My best friend married at 18, right out of high school, to her high school sweetheart. Two weeks before her 21st birthday her divorce was final. The marriage did not work for several VERY clear reasons, they were on different spiritual levels, she a devout Christian, he wasn't sure. She was working full time, going to school and attempting to raise a child. He was not doing any of these things, he was spending his days playing video games and hanging out with his friends. He didn't feel he'd had the chance to "Grow Up"...

My Cousin married at 18, his wife was 17. They now have 2 kids and ten years of marriage under their belts so to speak. They couldn't be more in love. Sure, they've had rough patches, but who doesn't? They're marriage is a partnership and they share everything equally. While he works, she cleans the house. They spend even (as they can) amounts of time with the children, and set aside one night a week for "Them" time, dropping the kids off at Grandma's.

At 21, I feel that I have seen FAR more than many 21 year olds and grown up quicker because of that. I hope that in 20 years I can answer this question positively for you

 

[WolfGate]

I guess we sort of fall into the young category. My wife was 23 when we married; I was 26, so just outside your "young" definition.

15 years later we are very happy and still very much in love. Yep, there were some rough times, even a period where I thought I'd married the wrong person. (Thankfully I figured out I'd been right all along).