Marrying young

[SirKenin]

I would like to know:

If you got married when you were very young (18-21 years old) or young (22-25 years old)...

Do you love it or regret it?

And why?

Thanks!

I was married at 21. Would I do it again? Probably, because I'm one of those people that have to learn everything the hard way. Hear me out.

I thought I was in love, but I didn't have a clue what love really was. I thought I knew my wife, but I didn't. We didn't take any time to get to know each other before we moved in together. We lived together for a year and a half first and had been through an awful lot before we got married, including the death of a daughter. The minister figured against his better judgement that based on what we had gone through and still hung together that we would be ok.

Here I am, ten years later. My marriage was riddled with disasters and ended in disaster. We went through a lengthy Court battle over the kids, and it was the kids that suffered the worst in the end.

Everybody lost. My advice to everyone is to keep it in your pants, don't twist Scriptures as an excuse to rush marriage and evaluate your every move carefully. Examine your motives. When you're finished going over your relationship with a fine tooth comb, go over it again. Just because you can't keep your mitts off your partner is no excuse to rush out and marry them. It is you who will end up in the Courts when the honeymoon ends.

At 19 or 21 or whatever most don't know what true love is. They know what infatuation is. They know what puppy love is. They know what it is to burn in the loins. But they have no idea what true love and sacrifice are all about, and this is why so many marriages fail. When the honeymoon ends and the real truth is revealed, everyone runs... When the going gets tough.. Just look at some of the advice given on this board...

If you still can't get past thinking of yourselves...think of your future children. They're going to be the ones that have to pay the price.

 

[Gerry_NY]

I still think it's a question of maturity rather than age. There are some very mature 20 year olds out there whilst there's also some very immature 25 year olds out there.

I'm going to agree here. I was 25 and my wife was 23 when we got married. We both had children out of wedlock and they hit it off just great.
We know God put us together...and yes it has been tough at times, but Jesus has been there to pull us both through. I haven't been the easiest man to live with, but only for the grace of God and His forgiveness and also my wife's forgiveness I am becoming more and more easier to be around.
How I am agreeing with starelda is that it truly depends on maturity. And since both my wife and I had children, we had to grow up quicker than most 20 year olds.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

I was married at 21. Would I do it again? Probably, because I'm one of those people that have to learn everything the hard way. Hear me out.

I thought I was in love, but I didn't have a clue what love really was. I thought I knew my wife, but I didn't. We didn't take any time to get to know each other before we moved in together. We lived together for a year and a half first and had been through an awful lot before we got married, including the death of a daughter. The minister figured against his better judgement that based on what we had gone through and still hung together that we would be ok.

Here I am, ten years later. My marriage was riddled with disasters and ended in disaster. We went through a lengthy Court battle over the kids, and it was the kids that suffered the worst in the end.

Everybody lost. My advice to everyone is to keep it in your pants, don't twist Scriptures as an excuse to rush marriage and evaluate your every move carefully. Examine your motives. When you're finished going over your relationship with a fine tooth comb, go over it again. Just because you can't keep your mitts off your partner is no excuse to rush out and marry them. It is you who will end up in the Courts when the honeymoon ends.

At 19 or 21 or whatever most don't know what true love is. They know what infatuation is. They know what puppy love is. They know what it is to burn in the loins. But they have no idea what true love and sacrifice are all about, and this is why so many marriages fail. When the honeymoon ends and the real truth is revealed, everyone runs... When the going gets tough.. Just look at some of the advice given on this board...

If you still can't get past thinking of yourselves...think of your future children. They're going to be the ones that have to pay the price.

Romans 14. It's wise to read your story and take that into account when considering early marriage, but in the end, God convicts us all independently and according to Scripture.

 

[SirKenin]

True, and why I said most, not all. Some people are ready early and God can convict them of this. However, those people are the minority statistically, unfortunately.

 

[Leanna]

I was 19 and my husband was 21 when we got married 4 1/2 years ago. We have had some hard times but also good times. I think it is easier financially at least, if you look around this site it seems many young marrieds are the ones that struggle the most. It has been good and bad.

 

[Jette]

My lovely wife and I just celebrated our 8-year wedding anniversary. You can see we got married young, and my wife is younger than me. I can see no reason not to get married right away if you are sure you are meant for each other. We DID date for 3 years before getting married though, but at some point I just KNEW we would be together forever. I don't agree with waiting until after college. It is so much cheaper and more fun to live with your best friend. After all, it is better to be married than burn with lust as the Word tells us! You MUST, however, wait until after marriage to enter into a sexual relationship, according to our beliefs. I think it is also very important to wait AT LEAST 2 years after marriage to have kids. Once the kids come, the setting changes dramatically. My wife and I struggle to have enough recreational and romantic time to ourselves. That two years was very important to establish us as a couple before having the kids.

 

[Banana Phone]

It is so much cheaper and more fun to live with your best friend.

Not if you're fairly poor already and have a decent financial aid package to kiss goodbye.

 

[AndOne]

I was married at 21 - my wife was 18. We have been married for 14 years now and neither of us has had any regrets. Our oldest son is 11, our youngest son is 7, and we have a third on the way now (wife is 12 weeks preg) - and yes, this last one was planned!

A lot of people have talked about puppy love and infatuation on this thread - and I can tell you it has always been more than that for my wife (Tammy) and I. I wish I could put it into words for people to understand - but I can't. Let me just say I can't imagine being with anyone other than Tammy - I can't imagine a life without her - its how I felt when I first met her and after all these years its still how I feel. We were poor and naive when we first got married yet against all reason we got married simply because we wanted to be together and spend the rest of our lives together. Now that we are financially secure and a bit wiser - neither one of us feels any different. We may loose everything and be poor again one day - but it won't change the fact that we will still be together - and if one of us should loose the other to death - it still won't change the intense love we had together. I wish I could explain that kind of love - I Corinthians 13 is a good start - but I still can't even explain the passion that my wife and I have for each other - I wish I could - but I can't. I can just say it is so much more than puppy love and infatuation and we both knew it despite our young age. If you are young and you know what I am talking about - and everyone is telling you how stupid it is to get married - I say follow your heart - be together - have a family - and pray that God is with you every step of the way.

 

[Mrs A]

hey everyone, I was married when i was 22 and i still am 22 lol and my husband is 30. i have been married for 5 months, i did not see anything wrong with getting married young im so glad i did. i used to have difficulty opening up to people and letting them see the real me and when i meet my husband we started a great friendship and i trusted him in a way i had never trusted anyone. I did have doubts beacuse it was my first 'serious relationship' so getting married was a bit scary but now that we are married im so happy. in fact im the happiest i have been in many years. i know that there will be hard times but we are detemind that we will work through what ever comes our way.

We married when we were 20. It's been 10 1/2 years now. One of the toughest things was being the "only married couple" then the "only ones with kids" for so long around our friends. Most of the people we knew with kids our oldest's age were about 15 years older than us and not of the same interests. It's easier now, but then it was hard to go through.

this must have been difficult for you. we are realy luck we have many friends who have just got married or are soon to be married. i have already been to at least 4 wedding this year and there is still two more to go, thats just the ones i am going to. we also know a fair few people with kids. there are kids everywhere at our church its awsome. its good to have other couples our age. we will be able to support each other.

 

[JulieB]

I am 18 and have a wedding planned in January. I have read some really good things on this thread. I have a question though....did any one face opposition from their parents. My parents aren't believers, and they dont understand that we've prayed and prayed about this, and this is what God has planned for us. I am really struggling with this right now. I know I love him and he loves him, and this is God's will, but as loving as my parents are its hard not to have their support.

 

[AndOne]

See my response to the thread you started

 

[Kathryn13]

We were married in the young category...23/24...but started dating in the VERY yong category. I have to admit that it's been very hard for me. We are (and were) very strong Christians and believed that God wanted us to marry, but I sure wonder if married life would have been easier had we met and married later in life. I know now so much more about myself at the age of 39 than I did at the age of 19 that it's just laughable...and I know my friends feel the same way about that, so that is why I think that older people tend to want to warn younger people to wait. I sometimes feel sorry for my Dear Husband because he has to put up with this person that is so different than who he married. And as far as me putting up with him...well it's been one of the greatest frustrations in my life to be married to someone that is so wonderful and nice and such a great provider, yet is so different from me. We absolutely do NOT believe in divorce and therefore have had to learn how to live (and laugh!) with each other with the help of God, but it's been a hard 15 years for me. I wish I had waited a few more years so that I would have been more aware of who I really was (we all think we know so much more than we really do at the age of 19...or even 23!) and who would have been an easier marriage partner for me.

HOWEVER, after saying all that...who am I to question what God had in mind for my life? He certainly has used this tough marriage to grow me in wonderful ways, and has not only taught me how to truely LOVE, but has given me 2 WONDERFUL kidos that would not have been the same people with someone else as a father!

This is one question I really struggle with because as a parent I want to know how to teach my kids that balance between making marriage and family the number one priority in our lives and yet stressing the importance of waiting until you really know yourself and your potential partner and Gods timing in all of it. It sure would be easier if we all went back to aranged marriages wouldn't it? Welll, in the end they are ALL arranged by God anyway.

 

[joyfulgirl]

compared to how young most of you were married, we weren't married so young, but we were in the "young" category! we were married, only 3 months ago, at 24 and 25. i think that it is a good age to get married, and so far, things are going great. i know that there will be hard times, but that comes in every marriage. we know that we will stay together no matter what, and our faith in God brings us even closer together. praise the Lord!

 

[MsAnne]

I was married to my first husband at 19 - he was 24. Although I wouldn't recommend it for everyone, it worked for us because he was already in a life-long career (law enforcement). We weren't struggling financially or trying to balance school, home, job searching, etc.

That marriage lasted 23 years, so I can't exactly blame our demise on marrying too young.

 

[Kim_G]

Im 18 and my husband and I got married when I was 17 and he was 19. Hes 20 now. Things were and kind of are a little rocky at times. Not b/c of being married young or anyhthing. We just had a problem to fix. Anyhow, we are happy together though. We celebrate our one year sept. 13th. I know no matter what we'll be together for the rest of our lives.

 

[NoneyaBiznezz]

I was married at 18, divorced at 19. I believe it all has to do with maturity and the reasons that a couple gets married. I had a young child involved (Ex was 16 when she became pregnant) and had a strong Roman Catholic upbringing. I believed that marriage was the most "adult" decision. Can't take a couple kids and make them grow up over night.

I have been married to my current wife for almost 8 years and wouldn't change a thing. Sure, we have had our ups and downs but our marriage is much better because of them.

That 3-4 year is a tough one....

Peace in Christ,

-Brian