Marrying Young?

[LN]

Its funny - I got married just shy of my 24th birthday and I was so sick of hearing comments about how young I was when I got married. I thought 24 was pretty average. But that was in Boston, a pretty liberal city.

I had a friend in college who got married before her senior year and it was really hard for her. She felt left out of everything her friends were up and I personally found her very difficult to continue being friends with. This is for a whole bunch of reasons some of which were because she was unavailable to hang out. Marriage is hard work and takes a lot of dedication and time - especially in the first year.

I personally would take the time to develop the invaluable friendships that exist during college and not miss out on the college experience. I don't mean partying, but hanging out with friends and having fun. Most people I know who gave that up to be in a 24/7 relationship - either married or not regret it later on.

 

[LN]

I also think that a person getting married has to ask themself - am I getting married to fill a void or because I am afriad to be alone, or am I getting married because I truly love this person and know that I want to commit my life to them. This is especially true if the person is young. I had the opportunity to travel all over Europe studying abroad, date lots of different people, and have fun before getting married. Personally, for me, I'm so glad I had the opportunity to do all that!

 

[MsAnne]

I was 19 when I got married. (No, I wasn't pregnant.) I wouldn't recommend it for everyone, but there are 2 key reasons why I believe it worked for us.

1) My husband was 5 years older and was already established in a CAREER (law enforcement), not a JOB. There was a stability in that.
2) I was the type who wanted to be married, and raise children. We both wanted children right away. It worked for us.

I'm not going to say it's been without it's struggles, but anything we've had to overcome has had nothing to do with being married at a young age. The 'right age' to get married is different for everyone, and has little to do with chronological age.

 

[coastie]

Ms. Anne,

I appreciate your response, however, my in-laws were upset because we were both so young. I was a sailor with no hope of seeing land for more than two months at a time. My wife was on her third major and considering dropping out of college. I had no degree.

Everyone thought we were doomed. It really hurt us that people would think so little of the two of us and what God could help us accomplish. It has not been easy for us to forgive her family for the way they treated us.

I now have a degree and I'm working on my second, my wife decided on major but is more interested in being a mom. We are financially stable, and when I'm out of the Coast Guard in 9 mos and I have a definite career path waiting for me.

I'm 22.

Age has nothing to do with a couple's potential. Niether does their financial status.

In retrospect, the times when we were really poor and completely naive (I didn't even know how to get my phone connected ) were the most exciting times of our lives and we look back on them fondly.

 

[AndOne]

Coastie -

Sounds like you and I were in the same "boat" (parden the pun). Though my wife's and my family were a bit more supportive.

13 years and two kids later we have no regrets - and the Coast Guard has been one heck of a fun career! Think twice before leaving!! OCS is always a viable opportunity to put your college to use - and from what I hear they are hurting for JOs. Okay - this conversation is heading for Fred's place - I'll shut up now!

BTW - just got orders for Station Port Oconnor Texas yesterday. Have no idea what its like there nor have we ever been to Texas - the adventure continues.....

 

[Mr.Cheese]

The odds are against a young marriage. I'm not saying they don't work, but the stats don't lie. I doubt the people who became statistics never intended to when they got married. Something to think about.
But life is funny. What works for one person might not for another. I was a disaster when I was younger. For me getting married would have been stupid.

 

[AndOne]

I love it when people talk about statistics and then never have any to make their point...

 

[coastie]

Today at 05:26 AM Behe's Boy said this in Post #26

Coastie -

Sounds like you and I were in the same "boat" (parden the pun). Though my wife's and my family were a bit more supportive.

13 years and two kids later we have no regrets - and the Coast Guard has been one heck of a fun career! Think twice before leaving!! OCS is always a viable opportunity to put your college to use - and from what I hear they are hurting for JOs. Okay - this conversation is heading for Fred's place - I'll shut up now!

At least here we won't be interupted by crusty old chiefs who've been married 5 times telling us how getting married was a mistake in the first place.

I thought about it for a long time but I'm a generational fire fighter so I'm going to take my place in my dad's department.

BTW - just got orders for Station Port Oconnor Texas yesterday. Have no idea what its like there nor have we ever been to Texas - the adventure continues.....

LOL...

My wife and I moved to Port Angeles after looking at pictures of the place. By looking at the pictures, it looks like a paradise.

Well apparently those pictures were taken on the one day of the year that the sun comes out.

It looks like you're never going to get away from the humidity.

 

[coastie]

Yesterday at 11:13 AM rach said this in Post #21

For those of you who married young, were you married during college, and if so, how did you cope with that? I'd like to get married young, but that would be hard to do because of classes, etc.

Yes, and we both dropped out, but that was only because I joined the CG.

I went back and got my degree. My wife is working on hers still, but it's low on her list of priorities right now.

We are good friends with a couple who were married their sophomore year and finished college on time together. They said that it made college more fun and that it was really nice to always know that no matter the temptation, you had a built in accountability partner.

Also, they got HUGE breaks as far as financial assitance because of their marital status and gross income.

What's really funny though is that niether of them are going into the fields that they studied. One is a prison administrator trying to get on with a Police Department and the other went from a recreation degree to now go back to school for her Nursing degree. And they have a new baby!

Don't let people scare you. It's between you, your fiance and God. When you rely on God, he will never give you more than you can handle.

 

[foreverloved03]

I got married when I was 17. I wouldn't recommend that young ;-)

 

[gwyyn]

I got married when I was 18, hubby was 21. I know people in my small town thought I was pregnant, but boy if I was sure was long cause our son didn't come till 4 years later LOL. We will be married 7 years this upcoming August and I do not regret a day of it. We had 4 years to travel and just get up and go when we felt like it. Now that we have a son, I have an excuse to go to circus again

Oh and the best advice we ever got was from hubby's grandparents on thier 60th wedding anniversary. His grandmother asked how things were going I said great but there were still squabbles. She said that was good cause if there weren't arguements now and then, someone was unhappy.

Hubby's grandfather is 96 and still makes breakfast on Saturday mornings cause he lost a bet with is wife the first year they were married. Men should just leave it to women to know how many eggs are in an omelette.

 

[dreamcatcher]

DO NOT...i repeat...DO NOT get married young.been there,done that twice.

live your life first.but if there is NNNNNOOOOOO doubt in either mind that it is right then try it .you gotta live it to learn it.

 

[psycmajor]

I don't mean to be crude when I say this, but DON'T MARRY JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE HORNY. I say this to people who want to wait for marriage to have sex, but their hormones are starting to get in a fury, and they want to make sure that the sex is okay with God.

I remember I was dating this guy who was all wrong for me. We had just had a fight, but we made up. After making up, I was really horny. I said, "Let's get married!" Boy, I'm glad he declined. We were planning to get married sometime, but I guess he thought that then was not the time.

Soooooo glad I didn't marry that loser. I was young and stupider... Marrying only compounds the problem when the relationship is not right in the first place.

Oh! And don't get married just because you're afraid that you'll have to settle for less just to avoid being lonely. Don't settle for someone you know is NOT right for you so you have someone to hold on to. Why bond with someone who can only temporarily make you feel secure? If there's something about the person that doesn't "feel" right, then don't get too attached to them.

Finally, never get married just because you've been together for so long, so it must be the right one. This same guy that I was just speaking of proposed to me exactly 6 months after we started dating. I got to thinking, "Is he just following some set plan in his mind, in the assumption that it's correct? Does he feel obligated to do this because we've been together this long?" So don't get married because you feel an obligation, either.

Amen?

 

[rach]

Psychmajor, I understand where you are getting at, and that is kind of one of the things that I'm kind of afraid of doing. That's why I was wondering how old you were when you got married and how long you dated before you did get married. I'm just curious, and I understand that's different for everyone, but was just curious about the "norm."

 

[psycmajor]

No, I never got married! I was engaged, that's it.

I was about 18 at the time. He wasn't a Christian, either.

 

[elijahswife]

I was 20 and my husband was 21 when we were married last summer. Our birthdays are in the fall, so we were almost 21 and 22 at the time.

Marrying young generally doesn't make sense financially or statistically, but God doesn't care much about human wisdom. If God tells you to marry and you're 16 (unless you're VERY mature in the faith and for your age), pray and seek counsel from your pastor, etc. If God tells you to marry and you're 20 (provided you're not a recent convert, t hen still seek heavy counsel from mature christians), pray about it seriously like any person seeking to marry. Just be sure you're in God's will, and he will bless you.

We obeyed God, and we're enjoying our ninth month of blessed wedded bliss

As for.. eh hem... Paul said it best, "Better to marry than to burn (with passion)"--that one was my husband's favorite verse during the engagement

 

[rach]

Sorry Psychmajor, I must have mis-understood you other post, or just assumed anyway.

 

[elijahswife]

note: I don't recommend choosing your mate based soley on physical desire either. There has got to be a sense from the lord, 'this is the one I have for you' and, "Now is my timing for you to marry."

 

[User9056]

I am 20 and I know that you should follow the Lords will first and foremost. If He is telling you to get married then go with it because He knows what He is doing. I know a lot of people who have gotten married young and as long as its the Lords will and you keep Him first in the relationship He will bless the marrige. Just be sure that it is the Lords will before you jump into it

 

[Desiree]

I'm going to be married in September of this year, and I'm fairly young, I'm 20 years old and my fiance is 23. We have sat down and told both sides of the family our plans and the only person who has told me that I'm too young is a friend of mine who thinks I still have a "lot of living to do." We are both Christians and we both know that God has chosen each of us for the other. I think that this is God's timing in our lives, a lot of things have seemed to just fall right into place in both of our lives this past year for this to happen. We have full support of our families, our church family, and God. And that's all we need. I know people who have waited a very long time to get married and things work out wonderfully, but I also know people, who got married at young ages, and they have blessed marriages also. I think it just comes right down to if its in God's will and His timing, no matter what the age is.