Marrying Syrian Orthodox - issues with my last name

[Antony in Tx]

I will add that generally a priest will not marry an Orthodox Christian to a non-Christian or a professed Christian who has not been baptised in the name of the Holy Trinity. This would not preclude any specific family name or background, however. I really think you need to talk to the bishop and if he rebukes you on this, I would (as others have suggested) consider very strongly discussing with your fiance the idea of moving yourselves and your wedding to an Antiochian or even Greek church in order to get past this impediment that does not appear to be of God, but of man.

 

[Kendrek]

Thanks everyone, yeah the priest agreed to baptize me prior to the wedding but once again only if my name has been changed. My fiance was actually baptized Greek Orthodox as a baby so that may be an option for us. Talking to the Arch Bishop might be the best way to go I just am not sure how to actually get in contact with him. Is this something I would go through the priest for? That could be awkward....

 

[Cappadocious]

If you don't mind, what city is this church located in? Or region, if you prefer.

 

[buzuxi02]

Thanks everyone, yeah the priest agreed to baptize me prior to the wedding but once again only if my name has been changed. My fiance was actually baptized Greek Orthodox as a baby so that may be an option for us. Talking to the Arch Bishop might be the best way to go I just am not sure how to actually get in contact with him. Is this something I would go through the priest for? That could be awkward....

Kendrek do you mean a change to your first name? This is a necessity as you receive a baptismal name upon baptism.

A legal change of your last name would be more a political-socio situation. Muslim men have been known to marry non-Muslim women falsely claiming a willingness to convert but in reality was trickery. Arab Christians would have a concern about this.

 

[choirfiend]

Greek Orthodox and Syrian Orthodox are the same thing. It's like Irish Catholic or Italian Catholic. Doesn't matter in which one was baptized.

An equal concern is the education in the faith you receive in order to be baptized! Do you know about the faith and believe in it?

The name of the bishop should be public knowledge; look to the main website to see who is the bishop, or pay attention during Divine Liturgy (If you understand the language) to listen for the name of the bishop who is commemorated. There're usually phone numbers listed and you just call him up!

 

[Dorothea]

Greek Orthodox and Syrian Orthodox are the same thing. It's like Irish Catholic or Italian Catholic. Doesn't matter in which one was baptized.

An equal concern is the education in the faith you receive in order to be baptized! Do you know about the faith and believe in it?

The name of the bishop should be public knowledge; look to the main website to see who is the bishop, or pay attention during Divine Liturgy (If you understand the language) to listen for the name of the bishop who is commemorated. There're usually phone numbers listed and you just call him up!

I'm wondering if this Syrian Orthodox Church is in communion with the Eastern Orthodox Churches or if it's really a Syriac Orthodox Church or something like that.

 

[Augustinosia]

I'm wondering if this Syrian Orthodox Church is in communion with the Eastern Orthodox Churches or if it's really a Syriac Orthodox Church or something like that.

I was thinking the same thing Dorothea. Every Orthodox Church I've come across with "Syrian" or "Syriac" in its name was an Oriental Orthodox Church.

Kendrek, if your fiancee is currently an Oriental Orthodox Christian and wants to remain one, it may not be a matter of simply switching to an Eastern Orthodox (Greek, Antiochian, etc) Church for your baptism/chrismation, marriage and ongoing communion. It may require special permission from both bishops of the respective Churches, or your fiancee to convert back to Eastern Orthodoxy.

If I'm mistaken and your fiancee is indeed Eastern Orthodox, then there is no barrier to your becoming Orthodox and marrying in a Greek Orthodox Church.

 

[MariaRegina]

Thanks everyone for the help. We met with the priest today and he said he can not marry us with that name. I told him that I plan on changing my last name but putting that name as my middle (out of respect for my father). He said if the name is present on the marriage license or any docs then he can not perform the ceremony. They suggested I just put M. for my middle name and not the whole name when I change my name. Part of this is also getting baptized at the church prior to the wedding. I don't know if I can fully commit to a church that would discriminate like this. My fiance really wants to get married in this church with her priest but I am concerned that this is asking too much. My middle name is a private thing and I think it is crazy to say the ceremony can not be performed if it is written on legal documents. Should we move forward and get married at a different church or am I being stubborn for saying this is too much too ask and just do as the priest says. I really feel like I would be losing myself a bit by having the choice of how my name is shown removed from me.

I appreciate the comments by everyone. Would speaking to the bishop be overstepping and disrespectful to the priest? I don't want to disrespect him in this process, I just have to also respect myself.

Can you search the roots of your family? Often, Muslims will find that they originally were Christians. If you could find a Christian surname back many years ago, then perhaps you could return to that name and honor your ancestors.

If not, I have heard of couples taking the wife's surname, especially if the husband's surname presents a problem of any kind. For example, if the husband's surname is Wilfhart [will-fart], which is a perfectly good and honorable name in Germany, then that should be changed so as not to cause the children grief in school.

 

[E.C.]

I must suggest speaking with the priest's bishop. The priests are in obedience to the bishop and if this priest is not being a good priest, which it sounds like, than the bishop is the one to set him straight.

Are you in the United States? Or Canada? If so, than the website you would want is here: Antiochian Orthodox Christian Archdiocese

There is a parish locator there. Verify which church you are getting married in, find who the bishop is for the church and do what you can to contact him. Just remember to stick with the facts when you do contact him.


The thing is, this is ridiculous. This may also be cultural because, Arabs being Arabs, are very tied to their identity. Names are, naturally, part of one's identity. But what I do not understand is the vehement demand to change one's name. The mistrust on the part of your fiance's parents I can understand give the religious differences, but I can not understand the diehard insistence to change your name because, being around Arabs half the day, I know for a fact that not all Khouri-s are Christians and not all Suleyman-s are Muslim.

This is not a matter of the Orthodox Church, as a whole, saying "you must change your name". This is her parents being a------s.

 

[MariaRegina]

With the political-social conditions, the family of the bride probably fears discrimination if their Christian daughter bears a Muslim surname or has a husband with a Muslim name (even as a middle name). After all, people are still jittery about the Boston Marathon. And it is true that Christians could fear that a Muslim man may be trying to deceive them in order to marry their daughter, and he may not be sincere about conversion. This has happened before and it will happen again.

 

[Gxg (G²)]

I was thinking the same thing Dorothea. Every Orthodox Church I've come across with "Syrian" or "Syriac" in its name was an Oriental Orthodox Church.

Kendrek, if your fiancee is currently an Oriental Orthodox Christian and wants to remain one, it may not be a matter of simply switching to an Eastern Orthodox (Greek, Antiochian, etc) Church for your baptism/chrismation, marriage and ongoing communion. It may require special permission from both bishops of the respective Churches, or your fiancee to convert back to Eastern Orthodoxy.

If I'm mistaken and your fiancee is indeed Eastern Orthodox, then there is no barrier to your becoming Orthodox and marrying in a Greek Orthodox Church.

I've seen it before where others in EO have noted that it doesn't matter as long as the jurisdictions are in communion since The Church is universal.

And for someone wanting to be Oriential Orthodox and yet commune in an EO Church, there were ways for that to occur where their OO Heritage was respected.