Marrying a non-virgin

[lifetheuniverse]

So true undonebymercy!

Jesus died and now when we repent our sins are washed clean by him. (1 John 1:7). We are no longer in sin but in life and are now justified by him. All of the sinful gunk is washed away.

While we are weak initially we will be strong in him and becoming sanctified through him. We become stronger through loving. Even after salvation of our souls there can be many unsaved attitudes of the mind and the healing of innocence... which her boyfriend seemed not to understand at all...

 

[icemodeled]

I don't believe that this is going to bother you any less after your married or you continue your relationship farther. Me personally, I wouldn't pursue it any farther. I myself couldn't marry someone who has had many partners(sexually). Not saying they are still like that, but it would bother me as well. My fiance and I are in our 20's and waiting for marriage. I've dated people who weren't virgins and it did bother me(specially since they were SO open in talking about it) I'm happy being with someone who shares that belief with me. Maybe you should also do the same, or least someone with less partners, then it wouldn't bother you as much.

 

[ampbelle3130]

whoa! disgusted by her? who are you to hold her past against her? the LORD Almighty has forgiven her if she has truly repented...He would certainly never say that He was ashamed of her...her past wouldnt even cross His untainted mind after the moment she repented...wow.
if you cannot truly accept her past as what it is...sin just as you yourself has sinned and a series of disgressions which have been forgiven...you need to set her free. she deserves better than to have that held above her head for the rest of her life.
also, being as this is a major issue that's creating strain in your relationship, any talk of future plans such as cohabitation and marriage should be discontinued until you do some soul searching and speaking to God. you need to find out if you can honestly and wholeheartedly forgive her or if you cannot and need to set her free.
praying for you two.

 

[The Nihilist]

I am courting a woman right now (long distance) and we connect emotionally and love each other. She claims to be "pure" again, but she has had many, many sexual encounters in the past. We both want to wait for marriage but her sexual history disgusts me. Should I continue this relationship?

Also, I need advice on cohabitation, because its the only way she can be near me.

So, just for reference, how many encounters are we talking about?

 

[efiie81]

I think by your use of the word 'disgust' maybe you shouldn't be dating this lady.
I don't think it can be very good for either of you, especially if you openly feel that way.
It will only lead to problems in the long run

 

[epiktetos]

I am courting a woman right now (long distance) and we connect emotionally and love each other. She claims to be "pure" again, but she has had many, many sexual encounters in the past. We both want to wait for marriage but her sexual history disgusts me. Should I continue this relationship?

Also, I need advice on cohabitation, because its the only way she can be near me.

I believe that a person's past is a person's past, and if there
a lot of wrongdoing in it, it doesn't matter if they have truly
changed their ways and have become a new person in the here
and now.

AS for cohabitation, that is fine, so long as you both are in love,
and both are strong in your philosophy. It is a common thing for
Christian couples to move in together, saying they'll remain pure,
but then temptation gets a hold of them and then that's the end
of that story.

When it comes to sexuality, I think we should abstain as far as
possible until marriage, and that sex within a framework of personal
commitments and responsibility to one another is part of a flourishing
life.

Best wishes to you, brother.

-Shawn-

 

[mattybartholomew]

I am courting a woman right now (long distance) and we connect emotionally and love each other. She claims to be "pure" again, but she has had many, many sexual encounters in the past. We both want to wait for marriage but her sexual history disgusts me. Should I continue this relationship?

Also, I need advice on cohabitation, because its the only way she can be near me.

Is this a long distance "internet" relationship?

If so, Homie you need to go out an find yourself a woman in the real world.

As to the "pure" thing. I just assume any girl I date isn't a virgin. This is especially true with pretty girls, who get hit on a LOT, have their pick of the litter and want sex as much as guys do. If I were to date a Christian girl who is a virgin, that's certainly a bonus. But to me it's more important that a girl be pure NOW.

And to know why having sex outside of marriage is sinful, not just because it's a rule.

During my backsliddin days I've had LOT's of sex and lived with girls. And can tell you right now, if I had a gf living with me I WOULD WANT TO have sex with her multiple times a day. WHY put yourself in that kind of temptation? And let's be honest IN THE MAJORITY of cases, guys and gals living together are having sex. Don't listen to anyone who says otherwise.

 

[Paladin Wiegraf]

I understand how you feel. Much like you, I met my now fiance over the internet, through one of my friends on facebook. I was in Japan at the time. Anyway, I was a virgin, and she had about 14 different people she had slept with in the last 5 years. It was a little off-putting at first, but then I looked at it like "Well, shes not doing that now, so why should it matter?". And we've been together ever since. I dont much care about peoples past, because there is nothing you can do to change it. Either accept it and move on, or walk away. I truly hope that you find the answer you seek.

 

[Ready for the World]

I understand how you feel. Much like you, I met my now fiance over the internet, through one of my friends on facebook. I was in Japan at the time. Anyway, I was a virgin, and she had about 14 different people she had slept with in the last 5 years. It was a little off-putting at first, but then I looked at it like "Well, shes not doing that now, so why should it matter?". And we've been together ever since. I dont much care about peoples past, because there is nothing you can do to change it. Either accept it and move on, or walk away. I truly hope that you find the answer you seek.

I really admire your strength to be able to overlook that. Im still dealing with it. Mine wont even tell me how many she slept with but shes been with 8 guys and some of them she hasnt slept with... Again, i admire your strength brother.