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wishbenash

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A guy i know raised a vaild point.

he said that to be married in the eyes of God is to make a promise in front of him that you and your partner agree to love and be there for each other for ever. Therefore both of you praying together and making this promise to each other is marrige in the eyes of the Lord.

Is this true? does this mean we are married now?
 

Luther073082

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A guy i know raised a vaild point.

he said that to be married in the eyes of God is to make a promise in front of him that you and your partner agree to love and be there for each other for ever. Therefore both of you praying together and making this promise to each other is marrige in the eyes of the Lord.

Is this true? does this mean we are married now?

No, God would see that as being a hallow marriage and a poor excuse to have sex with no commiment. There is no temporal authroity backing up your marriage. Even in Ancient Israel there was some temporal (earthly) authority recognizing who was married. Two people could not just get together and say "we're married now" It was required that 3rd parties play at witness to this. It always has been that way.

Some of God's work on earth is carried out by his body, the church on earth. So for God to see you as married he would want you to be married in front of other believers in the church.

On top of that God would want you to seek out the blessing and backing of the earthly authority. So that would mean that you need to get a marriage license. When you are married and its recognized by both the church and the earth, it has "teeth". That means one of you can't just re-nig on it and run away that easily. While you can obviously get divorced it takes work to do through the courts plus the church may choose to discipline you.

If you just make a promise to eachother and to God, there is nothing backing that up. No one on this earth, not the government, not your family, not the church recognizes that as a marriage. So I highly doubt that God would recognize it as a marriage either.

Marriage is a committment, and if you are truely committed you will get a marriage license and make that committment public. Other wise your commitment to eachother is just as hallow and meaningless as your "marriage".

BTW I don't want to be too mean to you because you arn't the only person who's come up with that one. But use your head for a second. Do you think God established the church for nothing? Do you think God with something that is as important to him as marriage be all cool with a hallow committment that just involves us saying those things in private? Where the committment is broken as easy as saying "I changed my mind." Search yourself and ask WHY you would want to do it in private? Is it just cause you can't wait to hop into bed with them? (And I'm not ripping on you, I'm engaged and I totally understand that feeling.) Is it because of the cost? Because a wedding in a church and a marriage license doesn't cost that much, the reception is what costs . . . and NOTHING says you have to have a reception. (God isn't going to be upset if you get a marriage license, and have a pastor marry you in a small cerimony with just your families with no reception.)

Do the right thing, do it in public, with a pastor, and a marriage license. Then you are universally recognized as married, there is no denying that. But a private committment will mean only you will see you as married. Even if you both tell everyone about the private committment they arn't going to see you as married, especially the church and the law.
 
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gzt

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I really don't quite know what makes a marriage, the Bible doesn't precisely lay things down, but if you're looking to that time period, there were a couple important elements in there that are missing from what you propose and that seem to be there even in modern marriages: some sort of witness to this to confirm the promise, and some sort of acknowledgment from the community. Even marriages contracted by common law have those elements. You can have those things no matter what civilization you are in. Okay, look back to medieval Europe. It was held in some places, essentially, that you really don't need a public marriage or witnesses, that the promise of marriage and consummation really did make a marriage, or even that a future promise to marry with consummation really did make a marriage, and perhaps they really do, but there are problems with enforcement there. With nobody else involved, the man could simply deny everything and then the woman is left taken advantage of in every way. The legal institution of marriage was revised and, in particular, the Catholic Church then required that all marriages be solemnized in the Church.

Seriously, man, I think in my county a marriage license costs, like, $40. You can use it the very next day. You just need to find somebody willing to marry you. That's all it takes. In most places, it's not much harder. The wait might be 3 days or something. It might cost even less. If you're somehow the sort who doesn't believe in churches and pastors and their authority or whatever, at least realize that marriage is in some way about holding yourself forth to the world as a married couple, which includes getting a marriage license.
 
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katautumn

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A guy i know raised a vaild point.

he said that to be married in the eyes of God is to make a promise in front of him that you and your partner agree to love and be there for each other for ever. Therefore both of you praying together and making this promise to each other is marrige in the eyes of the Lord.

Is this true? does this mean we are married now?

No, you're not married. That's like people who say if they have sex with someone they're officially married in the eyes of God. I can't tell you how many young couples I've known who have prayed commitment to one another, had sex, and claimed that was good enough for God. Then they break up for one reason or another and move on to other partners. Society recognizes legally binding marriages. Anything less is a farce.
 
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Windmill

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A guy i know raised a vaild point.

he said that to be married in the eyes of God is to make a promise in front of him that you and your partner agree to love and be there for each other for ever. Therefore both of you praying together and making this promise to each other is marrige in the eyes of the Lord.

Is this true? does this mean we are married now?
I'm sure if you agreed to be married and prayed under God and actually believed you were married, that he'd count it. Nothing says it has to be legalized. Anyone quoting Israelite law needs to find a way to justifiably link that to NT law. I think they would find it very hard to do so, too. OT Law on marriage was very pro-marriage. Laws were set up in ways to push you into marriage. Pro-marriage, pro-having lots of babies. You know, all the sort of stuff you needed to have your own nation.

On the other hand, in the NT, you see pretty much no links towards the OT in terms of marriage ideals at all. Not only is divorce mostly done away with, but theres a huge push against marriage. Marriage is really determined as something you should avoid, unless you "burn with passion". Its seen as a distraction. In the early church writings outside of the Bible this is also shown. Very little attention was actually paid to marriage, nor any rites concerning it.

But if you move in together, after a year or two or maybe three depending on where you live, you'll end up being considered married legally under a "common law marriage" anyway. So you might as well get married legally anyway.

Of course, if you agree to "marry", that means you can't leave her.
 
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gzt

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But if you move in together, after a year or two or maybe three depending on where you live, you'll end up being considered married legally under a "common law marriage" anyway. So you might as well get married legally anyway.
No, this is completely false.
 
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Windmill

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No, this is completely false.
Huh, well perhaps its different elsewhere, or I have it wrong. I just know that its counted as a common law marriage if you're living together for a certain amount of time in a committed long-term relationship. Perhaps there aren't the same legal implications?
 
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gzt

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No. You're wrong. In some places (New Zealand for one, looking at your country), there are some legal implications of long-term cohabitation, such as the ability to try to get some of the assets the pair of you built up while together if you should split, but, no, that is not "common law marriage".

Look, I will tell you what common law marriage is: in a few states in America, you can be married simply by beginning cohabitation with somebody and holding yourself out to the world as a married couple. There may be a couple other conditions, none of them involving living together for a number of years, depending on what state you're in, but most states don't have "common law marriage" and require you to get a marriage license. Australia and Canada have some ideas about de facto relationships, but that is not common law marriage.
 
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Luther073082

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Common law marriages take more then a year or two of living together in the states that do allow it. I think its closer to 10 to 15 years of living together.

I also add that I don't belive in a private committment to eachother making a marriage before God. Accross cultures and nations there has always been some sort of witness to the act of marrying two people. And a 3rd party arbitrating the cerimony.

And really, why would a couple that is truely committed to one another not want their marriage to be publically accountable?
 
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ForeverHis777

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Even Moses had a piece of paper. :) I imagine that you are quite young and just want to be married. Perhaps you are under the legal age? In any regard, not following through with marriage in the traditional sense is not fair to you, your partner or God. If you are old enough, marry. If you aren't hang in there. I assure you it is worth the wait! :)
 
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