married to a backslider?

[mrslisae]

He's not an unbeliever...He's a struggling Christian who refuses to change his ways..

I don't know what to do anymore..Church is so lonely...I just sit there looking at all the other couples and remembering when..

At home he only speaks to be harsh...Its to the point where I hope that he won't speak..

I love him so much but I don't feel loved anymore..

He blames all of our losses and unbelievable misfortunes on God..

I blame him..I feel like he's a loser and I'd be better off divorced..

I don't like feeling this way

 

[bethrow]

I'm so sorry for how you are feeling lately.
Have you read Power of the Praying Wife? Maybe you should get this and just continue to pray for him.
He needs your love more now than ever, I'm afraid.
Have you told him not to speak to you the way he does? I wouldn't put up with it.
My husband never used to speak to me in a demeaning manner, but he has lately and I don't like him for it.
I've also thought about divorce, but I just don't think that is God's plan.
I never thought I'd have the problems with my husband that I do now, but here we are. He no longer attends church with me and I'm forced to take our little boy by myself which is so hard. I sit in church and look at all the couples and I just want to cry.
Have you thought about counseling? My husband and I are going next week. I'm not sure how it will go, but I'm willing to work on things.
I wish that we could go to a Christian counselor.
Just hang in there and keep your eyes focused on God. He will help you through.

 

[mrslisae]

I'm so sorry for how you are feeling lately.
Have you read Power of the Praying Wife? Maybe you should get this and just continue to pray for him.
He needs your love more now than ever, I'm afraid.
Have you told him not to speak to you the way he does? I wouldn't put up with it.
My husband never used to speak to me in a demeaning manner, but he has lately and I don't like him for it.
I've also thought about divorce, but I just don't think that is God's plan.
I never thought I'd have the problems with my husband that I do now, but here we are. He no longer attends church with me and I'm forced to take our little boy by myself which is so hard. I sit in church and look at all the couples and I just want to cry.
Have you thought about counseling? My husband and I are going next week. I'm not sure how it will go, but I'm willing to work on things.
I wish that we could go to a Christian counselor.
Just hang in there and keep your eyes focused on God. He will help you through.

My husband and I attended couceling once...My husband was such a butt that the coucelor requested I not bring my husband back.

I tell him several times a day not to speak to me the way he does. He appologizes and expects it to be fine a few minutes later when he does it again (much like a physical abuser I hear)

 

[free4all]

Hi buzymom,

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I know it's unpleasant, and not what you had in mind when you married.

He's not an unbeliever...He's a struggling Christian who refuses to change his ways..

If he is a Christian, then he is under conviction by the Holy Spirit.

I don't know what to do anymore..Church is so lonely...I just sit there looking at all the other couples and remembering when..

Many of us in this forum know this feeling all too well. Some have never had their spouse attend with them.

At home he only speaks to be harsh...Its to the point where I hope that he won't speak..

When my wife becomes like this, I don't speak to her unless I absolutely have to. And then I refuse to accept her criticisms. There is a time to throw someone's disrespectful behavior back in their face, and let them know their conduct is not acceptable.

I love him so much but I don't feel loved anymore..

I don't say this to be harsh, but it's not about what we feel. It's about honoring our marriage vows.

He blames all of our losses and unbelievable misfortunes on God..

Sounds like someone under great conviction.

I blame him..

Can you try and picture it as spiritual warfare, and blame satan's and the demons' influences on your husband, rather than blaming him? I know it's hard to do, since he is making the choices.

Try to pray for him that he would be helped in this great spiritual battle. Now is when your love for him is needed the most. That is what you agreed to in your wedding vows. Now is when he needs it the most.

I feel like he's a loser

Try to see him as God sees him, as someone who needs love, prayers, and God's help.

and I'd be better off divorced..

Maybe, and maybe not. Try to change your focus to sticking with your marriage and praying for your husband, instead of bailing out.

I know it's difficult. I've been in a difficult marriage since you were in 4th grade, and I've only started to see results in the last year. I'm not minimizing your pain and suffering. It's great, and not what you want. This is where you will be tested to see if you will fulfill your marriage vows and continue to love your husband, and stick it out, or whether you will call it all off.

You have only given a little bit of information. If your husband is having an affair or is being physical abusive, then I am not advocating you stay with him. And I don't know enough about your situation to give an opinion on separating or not, which you didn't ask for anyway.

Conversely, it is okay to stand up and let him know his bad conduct toward you is not acceptable. You are free to demand proper treatment, and you are free to allow consequences to come upon your husband if he mistreats you.

I don't like feeling this way

I know. I'm glad you were willing to share and be honest. I'm not berating you; I know too well how you feel.

Many women have benefited from reading The Power of A Praying Wife. I have benefited from reading Boundaries in Marriage. Now is the time for you to draw closer to the Lord as you endure and fight this great spiritual battle for your husband.

Praying for you.

 

[mrslisae]

Thanks free4all..He's not pysical and he's too much HERE to be having an affair..he messed up (not full affair) in the past but she isn't in our lives anymore and I sent the car they bought together to repo before we lost our own car and home so maybe that was bad on my part - heck I don't know anymore

Your wife sounds like my late mother

Now my dad is dating a sweet little lady who's addicted to pain killer - sigh - life!

 

[WashedClean]

Hi Buzymom,

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles, in general and with your husband. As Free4all said, many of us have never had our spouse attend church with us. For some reason, I don't resent the couples in my church. Sometimes I envy them, but I know in my heart that one day my husband will be with me in church.

I agree with everyone who said you don't have to tolerate verbal abuse. If that means you don't speak to your husband for a while, then so be it. There needs to be consequences for the way he's acting. Do you have a pastor who can help you? Reach out to other Christians in your church that you trust. You need to have others praying for you and your marriage.

Please join us in the check-in thread at the top of the page. We would love to get to know you better and pray for you.

Love in Christ,

Jill/WashedClean

 

[mrslisae]

Thanks..I told him I was starting a seperate business without him...He thinks its a good idea...Ofcourse he whined that he needed my help, blah,blah,blah....but all in all he's waiting on me to fail..

I'm going to do my business the right way with God in the center of it.

 

[Jenniewren]

Praying for you xxxxxxxxxx

 

[WashedClean]

I'm going to do my business the right way with God in the center of it.

Amen! Praying that God will bless your new business and give you strength and wisdom.

 

[free4all]

I sent the car they bought together to repo

Sounds like a good decision to me! You got your point across that it was unacceptable. Whatever the fallout, IMO it was better than standing by and doing nothing. I admire your decision to take conclusive action.

 

[cristianna]

Praying for you buzymom. I realize it's only been a few days, but how are you doing now?

 

[Million Pieces]

Oh wow, I didn't realize I would identify with so many people here.

The other night we had dinner together, and he sat across that table from me and told me that if it ever got REALLY bad and he ever DIDN'T feel that nudge from the Holy Spirit that he wouldn't drag us (me and the kids) down with him, he'd leave us first.


God, that hit me like a sucker punch.

He just can't see that the solution to the problem is not to run away from it, and leave me with NO spiritual leadership at all, but to pull up his socks and get right with God. I just don't understand what his thinking is.