Married Couples Only!

[P_G]

Help me out gang!

I am writing a Pre-Marriage worksheet
And I am looking for some input

What do you wish you had discussed with your spouse before
you got married and didn't.

What did you discuss with your spouse before you got married and are
really glad that you did?

Your suggestings greatly appreciated


Blessings

Pastor George

 

[Sephania]

Make sure a true belief is held by both parties, this is essential.
Truth
Submission to authority
Children
Finances

 

[Henaynei]

sexual history/expectations - gonna get blunt here - if this offends or disturbs you PLEASE read no further............

I don't mean a detailed roster of partners - but each has a right to know of previous "experience" - and if not BOTH virgins - the loving thing to do is get a test for STD's so each can make an informed consent.

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are a WHOLE lot more than just Syphilis, Gonorrhea and HIV - WHOLE lot more - many with life threatening, reproductive threatening and offspring threatening consequenses.....

Most states used to require STD testing when you applied for a marriage license (which is WAY too late to find out by my reckoning) but even that has been stopped by the HIV lobby. HIV is the ONLY disease in history to have it's own civil rights.... which includes secrecy from spouse and sexual partners. Because of this, and the lax attutude in society about sex, the "immunity" that HIV enjoys has also spilled over to other STDs.

No matter what we teach our children these days, or what some may say, the VAST majority of post puberty persons have had sex, this INCLUDES CHRISTIANS. Yes, oral sex IS sex and can transmit (give and recieve) most if not all of the STDs.

 

[ShirChadash]

Serious answer: What didn't we discuss? Nothing. What DID we discuss? Everything! G-d, our faith-walk (which was very balanced between the two of us -- neither of us more "on-fire" or zealous than the other, but both of us are given to following hard after our Lord) Children, finances, sexuality, our families, our parents and their parenting styles, our expectations from and for one another... and from and for our marriage, our desires for how and where we would like to raise a family, our hopes for the course of our family's life together, our values, And I am quite certain that out refusal to leave anything un-discussed over these 15 years is exactly what has caused us to "make it" through the very things that cause many marriages to fail. No matter how difficult the topic at hand, we've discussed everything from day one, been open-books with one another, refused to lie to one another, and never allowed the idea of "divorce" to ever be an option -- it's simply a word and concept that do not exist for us whatsoever.

We know a lot of people, and have training and experience in counseling other "Marrieds". In all honesty -- and I say this often, as anyone who knows me can tell you --my TorahLover and I have the best marriage of anyone we've ever known, and we've weathered some real doozies over the years, because we weren't always the people G-d has caused us to become (more of) over the last 10 years or so.

~Z~

 

[The Thadman]

Serious answer: What didn't we discuss? Nothing. What DID we discuss? Everything!

That's the spirit No subject should be off limits.

My Other Half and I got a book of questions for couples and wrote them all down on little strips of paper. We put all the strips into a manilla envelope which we dubbed "the goldfish bowl" (only because a goldfish bowl would have been ideal, but the envelope was better for travel ). Whenever we had nothing much to do, like after sharing a meal with either of our families, or after seeing a movie we'd pull it out and alternate who drew questions. The one who drew asked the other, and then s/he her/himself had to respond as well, rolling up the piece of paper and throwing it back in (rolling it up marks that it was done).

When the written questions ran out, we'd make up our own going back and forth in person or over the phone for hours. If a question was too good we'd turn it back on eachother, much to the protesting of who thought of it (That's not fair! I thought that one up. ).

Above all we both made the commitment that divorce is not an option, and that has been the stone right next to the Corner Stone in our relationship (if you see my reference).

Now we're at nearly 5 years in God's eyes and going strong.

Peace!
-Steve-o

 

[Henaynei]

Whoa!!! I did not know the Steve man was married!! Hmmmm.... wonder what Mrs. Steve's name is anyone??

 

[The Thadman]

Whoa!!! I did not know the Steve man was married!!

It's a long story that involves the Holy Spirit's intervention, commitment, conversion, Apostleship, an attack from a cult, prophesy, and God's Grace

I'd love to tell it here one day, but I don't want to post anything until I'm done with the "official written version" I'm working on

Hmmmm.... wonder what Mrs. Steve's name is anyone??

"Nayla" (English) and "Talitha" (Hebrew, well actually Aramaic).

Peace,
-Steve-o

 

[Henaynei]

It's a long story that involves the Holy Spirit's intervention, commitment, conversion, Apostleship, an attack from a cult, prophesy, and God's Grace

I'd love to tell it here one day, but I don't want to post anything until I'm done with the "official written version" I'm working on

Guess we're stuck waiting for the Random House Hardcover version

"Nayla" (English) and "Talitha" (Hebrew, well actually Aramaic).

Peace,
-Steve-o

/me waves at Talitha Dear, does he EVER let you get on the computer??? LOL

 

[brentsbaby612]

*

 

[muffler dragon]

To answer the OP, we basically talked about anything and everything. Maggi knew about my past and she didn't have one, so that was a short discussion. However, it really was a matter of Q & A whenever the L-rd moved. Due to the distance of our court/relationship we spent the majority of our time talking on the phone.

Since Henny seems inclined to enjoying these stories. I'll give you guys the skinny on the work of G-d that is my marriage.

I subscribe to a magazine called HM (used to be heaven's metal). For a time, they had sample CDs in the magazine to listen to. I got this one disc and liked a number of songs on it. I grew accustomed to the lyrics.
Fast forward a few months and I'm in Cleveland helping a friend book a show in the Flats. I was the financier for him on a few occasions. We had six bands this one night with styles ranging from death metal, to hip-hop to alternative. This band shows up called Estis P@rc. The lead singer was this really hot chick. She wore a lot of rings and two of the band members wore them as well. So I figured she was 'taken'. We got to talking anyway. Spent about four hours with her that evening before and after her show. During her set, I actually lip-synced the one song I knew from the sampler.
Got her email and sent her messages. Didn't hear back till the end of August. Originally met her on July 21, 1999. She finally wrote me back after tour ended. Got her phone number. On September 26th, the L-rd told me that if I wanted things to go right, I needed to start treating her like my wife now. I did. I flew out to Kansas to 'try out' as drummer for the band. The band broke up before I got out there; went anyway. Arrived October 28th, asked her to marry me on October 31st. Saw her again at Thanksgiving, picked out rings. Saw her December 10th, at Christmas, and got married on January 15th, 2000. Our wedding day was our 22nd or 23rd day in each other's physical presence. Been together now 4 1/2 years.

Praise G-d for His work. I don't deserve Maggi, but He saw fit to bless me with her anyway.

That's the skinny and the short version, but you get the gist.

Love,

Nathan

 

[torahlife]

Questions we should ask before marriage are:

How does each partner handle conflict?
Are there jealousy issues?
They should ask to see eachothers' credit report!!!!!
Does either have an addiction problem like alcohol or drugs?
Has either one ever been convicted of a crime?
Does either have a history of mental illness?
Young couples still have priorities concerning their individual friends, how much time will they give eachother for these extra friendships? Or will his friends will be in your house all the time?????
Who can be trusted to handle the money? Can they create a realistic budget?
Is the wife expected to work?
Who's job is it to take out the trash?
How will you discipline the children?
What boundaries have been made concerning the in laws!!!!!!!

These questions could curtail a problem before marriage, I've seen evidence of what happens when these were not asked.

Blessings,
torahlife

 

[Flavius]

If while praying do they slip sometimes and call G-d Charlie?

Do they keep an axe under their bed?

Are they really a Woman? Let's not relive the crying game.

Do they have any extra digits,maybe they got 6 toes on one foot that you can't see or quite possibly an elongated spine resulting in a small tail wich might proove embarracing at the beach.

Do they spend more time on the computer than with their family?

Do they talk in movies,talk on the phone while driving?

Can they dance?

 

[debi b]

I think one of the hardest things is to get young people to look beyond the excitement, passion, hopes, dreams. It is hard to understand that marriage grows into a more mature and thoughtful love.

If it were possible I would want to encourage young people to know that if you begin your decisions/commitments based on pure emotion, then when the emotion fades or changes (and it does) it is difficult to sustain the commitment.

To try to see decisions as choices.

 

[Sephania]

Flavius is your wife as "querky" as you are?

 

[ShirChadash]

If while praying do they slip sometimes and call G-d Charlie?

Do they have any extra digits,maybe they got 6 toes on one foot that you can't see

You're sure hung up on the number 6, Flav!