Marriage

[Purity_over_Passion]

this is a entry in my journal from just acouple of days ago.. but i serously just wanted to share it with yall b/c well i am not sure why but i am going to


*sort of explicit read at ur own risk* haha any half way mature person could handle it


i realized something yesterday... i have been super sexually fustraited lately.. with my celbacy vow and everything.. i haven't done anything with a girl for over a year which was completly amazing for me.. from my life before.. anyway i went to this girls place knowing we would hook up.. i tried to tell myself noethng would happen but i knew really there would.. anyway i went and we were swimming and yep stuff happened... anyway we pushed it to the limits and i seriously got thinking... like the whole purpose of sex.. think about.. once we are married we only thing we have to offer that we didn't have to offer beofre is sex... now what is the point if i am having sex and then get married.. like i don't understand how people can go to thier honeymoon which is designed so the man and women and expiernce thier first time in a secluded and alone place.. and just to just be "repeating" old acts at that time just seems, i dunno not right... like the hole intension of marraige is to loose ur virginity.. and i know i have been told that by so many people but it really didnt' click til yesterday... and if i didn't realize i wouldn't stay a virgin for long... but it just refreshed me and made me realize it realy is worth waiting for.. and man its just really cool... i know i won't be married for another decade or so.. but for real when that time does come it will be really cool

for real this might sound stupid to some of yall but haveing sex before marraige really does defeat the purpose of marraige and i dunno i really didn't realize thiis til all of this happened... i was just curious what all of you guys thought about it... for some reason this is a big deal to me

 

[BeautyForAshes]

I think you should check this thread out.

http://www.christianforums.com/t1639755-the-virgin-thread.html

 

[lawtonfogle]

it is not just that, my youth pastor that was just married tried to explain what it is like to have to tell your spouse everything you have done, or as he said 'stole form them'. Even though he was a virgin, it was still a painfull thing to do. By the time he was through he was crying. For somereason, it seems we can never truley comprahend what he was trying to say, for it is something one must experience.

 

[JPPT1974]

It seems to be hard for that youth minister but he did get it all out once in the open to his new wife. I applaud him for that as that had to be hard indeed.

 

[WITNESS8]

I understand completely what you are saying even though I am a virgin, have never dated, have never kissed a guy, have never even talked to a guy for any reason but for friendship.
Sex is supposed to be sacred.
And believe me Sex for this girl is sacred (talking bout myself, of course).


In CHRIST

 

[TriptychR]

That's been one of the catch-22's for me regarding marriage: It's the only way you should ever have sex with someone, but you shouldn't consider sex to be a reason to get married.

 

[waterbear]

I see sexual commitment as the "sexual" essential in marriage, whether there is sex or not is (to me) manageable. That's how I handle the above catch-22.

 

[MastersGirl]

I am not certain what a catch 22 is, but i like the quote from triptychr
"It's the only way you should ever have sex with someone, but you shouldn't consider sex to be a reason to get married"
Care to explain the meaning of a catch 22?

 

[waterbear]

A catch-22 means the desired outcome isn't possible. Sex is the intent of marriage but you shouldn't marry for sex implies that it's not possible to marry for the right reason. The way around that is to marry for another reason, which is arguably only valid if sex isn't deemed essential, by you, for the marriage. Alternatively one could construct additional reasons for marriage (i.e. in addition to sex) but if the marriage, in your mind, isn't valid without sex then arguably you're still marrying for sex, which is wrong.

Note: I wouldn't be surprised if there was a logical fallacy somewhere in this argument, if someone can ID it that'd be cool

 

[invisiblebabe]

A catch-22 means the desired outcome isn't possible. Sex is the intent of marriage but you shouldn't marry for sex implies that it's not possible to marry for the right reason. The way around that is to marry for another reason, which is arguably only valid if sex isn't deemed essential, by you, for the marriage. Alternatively one could construct additional reasons for marriage (i.e. in addition to sex) but if the marriage, in your mind, isn't valid without sex then arguably you're still marrying for sex, which is wrong.

Note: I wouldn't be surprised if there was a logical fallacy somewhere in this argument, if someone can ID it that'd be cool

Haha, sure

I see the fallacy in the assumption that "sex is the intent of marriage." If I married a quadriplegic, chances are, he would be physically incapable of having sex. Yet, if I loved him, could grow and learn about God and Life w/him, and wanted to spend my life with him (which I see as the intents of marriage).... what other options would be better than marrying him?

Havent seen ya around in awhile, how ya been?


edit: ooops, I misinterpreted what you said. You were refuting that "sex is the intent of marriage."

Anyhow, use my above statements to further validate your logic.

 

[waterbear]

A bit more reasoning and it's still ambiguous to me:

1 - If all other relationship essentials are possible without marriage, and marriage is the only vessel by which sex, also deemed essential, is possible, then the intent of marriage is to be able to have sex.

2 - Assuming 1), the intent of sex may be to have a child (or promote greater intimacy, etc.). Thus someone could argue that marriage and sex where both mechanisms, part of some greater intent and say the intent of the marriage was to be able to have a child.

3 - Adding to 2), if it is believed the same ends (perhaps intimacy) could be achieved readily without sex, then the choice of marriage as part the mechanism perhaps does have sex as the intent since sex itself is a distinct concious end.

The point of all that being, marriage has sex as the intent if marriage only offers sex and the sex is not a required or logically favorable (e.g. alternatives are not readily acessible) mechanism for some greater end.

Hello invisiblebabe! I'm doing great, hope you are too

 

[JPPT1974]

1. I only believe in sex if you are married
2. You should save sex when you are married
3. You should be a virgin and give your spouse the night of virginity on your wedding night
4. Involve God in all of your decisions together as well as separate
5. Put God first and foremost important in your lives
6. Even see a marriage counselor before you wed and get their opinions on marriage and how to handle being wedded
7. Marriage is a 50-50 joint partnership, and not just one person over the other if you all know what I mean
8. Also seek advice from people who had been married a long, long time on what makes a marriage work
9. No matter how long you are married or how hard you all make the marriage work, there will always be a pro and con of marriage
10. Make decisions together and not separately or else it can get ugly

 

[AquaFINEa]

it is not just that, my youth pastor that was just married tried to explain what it is like to have to tell your spouse everything you have done, or as he said 'stole form them'. Even though he was a virgin, it was still a painfull thing to do. By the time he was through he was crying. For somereason, it seems we can never truley comprahend what he was trying to say, for it is something one must experience.

I have heard this kind of sentiment expressed before -that one must, not only confess what one has done (sexually) in their past to their spouse but also, ask for their spouse's forgiveness for having "sinned" against them, as well as God. I'd imagine that there is an unspeakable shame that one must feel while doing this. However, I question the validity of this act. Truthfully, I can see both sides of it:

On the one hand, if you confess these things to your spouse, there is nothing left (in secret) between the two; no sexual past left unshared. By aligning oneself with this way of thinking, it may add more caution to the actions of said person, by discouraging the person to engage in acts that he/she would be embarressed or shamed to share with his/her future spouse later on down the line.

However, on the other hand, it suggests that the sins committed in the past are not forgiven (as the spouse had not yet forgiven the person committing the sexual sin) and that, by asking for the spouse's forgiveness, that the spouse is somehow deemed as important (if not moreso) than God -for, how could one ask forgiveness of God and later ask forgiveness from someone else much later on and suggest that asking God to forgive him/her was not enough? Also, by sharing (Too much ? information), this may, in fact, be detrimental to the blooming relationship.

Please, share your thoughts on these ideas. I have just begun to scratch the surface of this topic, so any additional thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

 

[JPPT1974]

However, on the other hand, it suggests that the sins committed in the past are not forgiven (as the spouse had not yet forgiven the person committing the sexual sin) and that, by asking for the spouse's forgiveness, that the spouse is somehow deemed as important (if not moreso) than God -for, how could one ask forgiveness of God and later ask forgiveness from someone else much later on and suggest that asking God to forgive him/her was not enough? Also, by sharing (Too much ? information), this may, in fact, be detrimental to the blooming relationship.

Please, share your thoughts on these ideas. I have just begun to scratch the surface of this topic, so any additional thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

Also we should forgive those people for their sins just like Jesus has done by dying on the cross and arising from the dead. that we should let bygones be bygones!!

 

[hischildsindik]

7. Marriage is a 50-50 joint partnership, and not just one person over the other if you all know what I mean

Actually, I read some where a marriage will not work if it is 50-50. It needs to be 100-100, each giving their full best to the marriage out of love, out of desire for the marriage to work. In a marriage, the partners are not "equal" in the sense they are both the same. Each person is given to unique personality, strengths and weaknesses. A marriage that works, grows and prospers,is a marriage that focuses on the enhancement of the good in each other and a side-stepping of the negatives. A marriage is a partnership where each gives all, and at times, one backs down for the better of the whole of the marriage.

Now I am sure I know what you mean by 50-50, but I had to just throw in another thought.

 

[JPPT1974]

Actually, I read some where a marriage will not work if it is 50-50. It needs to be 100-100, each giving their full best to the marriage out of love, out of desire for the marriage to work. In a marriage, the partners are not "equal" in the sense they are both the same. Each person is given to unique personality, strengths and weaknesses. A marriage that works, grows and prospers,is a marriage that focuses on the enhancement of the good in each other and a side-stepping of the negatives. A marriage is a partnership where each gives all, and at times, one backs down for the better of the whole of the marriage.

Now I am sure I know what you mean by 50-50, but I had to just throw in another thought.

Well thanks for increasing it up to 100-100. As all marriages need both partners to work fo rthe same and workout their weaknesses as well as their strengths. And to have their marriage do grow and prosper.

 

[Inperfected]

Mmmm... We talk of the mistakes we've made in the past and i fully understand, I've been there mysefl as well..

For me, whoever i marry will know of my mistakes well before i get married... He'll know details, and instances of thing happening, why? Coz i don't want him to feel pushed out, and like there is one bit of me i will not share. I would expect the same from him

Now iadmit it: i'm not single, i only recently have become that way tho... And the male i am with has admited all mistakes (after being besties for years, i'd expect to know them by now anyway...) and honestly? I don't mind he's done stuff before, i enjoy the honesty he's been able to have with me actually...

 

[WITNESS8]

Marriage is the unity of two individuals for the fulfillment of God's will and in the unity to produce godly offspring which will fulfill God's will.


In CHRIST

 

[JPPT1974]

I was reading about marriage today in my devotions. Marriage is when two people leave their families and being united as one sacred convenant. The one and only way to be parted or "separated" is only in death. Marriage shouldn't be taken lightly at all. Whatsoever!