I'm pretty ashamed to admit that I'm in such a situation but...it is so, so I came to ask for any biblical advice you may have to offer.
Some years ago (beginning in 2001) I was with my first "girlfriend." I was at least a professing Christian at the time, but frankly have no idea whether I had been given any saving grace. She was not Christian (and still is not from what I understand of the infrequent contacts that she still sends me, although she has once in a while mentioned an interest in learning more but it has not progressed to anything that I have noticed). We did a lot of things which I'm ashamed of..and I don't think it's necessary to go into detail on those for the purpose of this question.
She lives in a foreign country, and I would go sometimes but was not able to stay as I could not get a job or a long term visa there. One time, before I left (I am fairly confident it was during 2002), I typed up and printed something similar to a marriage contract. I don't remember the exact wording that I wrote, although I guess that I probably wrote some things that came to mind rather than copying directly from anything. It's like I wanted to have something of an assurance of having here even though I had to go away. Frankly, I didn't consider it to be an actual marriage, which makes it ridiculous that I would use such language -- but by now I'm used to doing ridiculous things. She did not want to sign it, but eventually I made her, and I did as well.
I don't know if the paper is still in existence any longer. It's possible that she may have it as she has kept some of the things that I left there the last time I was there (in 2003). I'm fairly sure that I wrote something along the lines of "...in the presence of God, and these witnesses." There were no other witnesses to have signed it in the place that I provided for their signatures...however, it's certain that God witnessed the event. Which is what I'm getting at... does God consider this to be a marriage? I know it would mean nothing in the eyes of the state, but frankly I care very little about that, because what I'm concerned with is whether by not being in a marriage with this girl I'm sinning against the Lord (that is, if it is considered a valid marriage, or not necessarily a valid marriage but still an obligation for me to enter into a valid marriage).
Another point to consider, I'm pretty sure she "slept" with someone else after that time (although I'm not completely sure, she did admit to doing so, but I think she may have retracted that admission at some time, and may have later admitted again that she did -- frankly I don't know). Sadly, though, I did this as well. So, if this were a valid marriage, I'm not even sure whether this (would-be adultery) would even qualify as a reason for ending it.
Also, I know many times she wanted to "break up" (a sign that at least she didn't consider it to be a valid marriage, because she never said she wanted to divorce me). Although I don't even remember any particular time that I agreed with her that we would, but around the end of 2005 we just stopped having an interest in continuing the relationship (and around then was when she and I both did what I mentioned above). So again, as she was an unbeliever, if this is a valid marriage, would I still be right to allow her to leave since she wanted to? And (if all that is the case), what if she wanted to get back together, would I also be required to take her back? She has occasionally mentioned some "feelings" for me, which I'm assuming means she has some remorse over our falling out.
Frankly, I'm not interested in the same things as I was back then. I want a marriage with a godly woman, if I'm to have such a relationship. However, more important than that, it would seem, is to honor the marriage in which God put us together, if it be so. Ultimately, that's what I'm trying to find out. Is this a valid marriage in the eyes of our Lord?
I may have other questions to ask...perhaps further advice about this situation, as well as other issues that I'm dealing with. However, I'd like to get started here. For any biblical, Christ-glorifying advice, I'm very thankful. If you're willing to discuss with me in private, either on this topic or other issues, please do send me a PM or notify me in this thread.
Some years ago (beginning in 2001) I was with my first "girlfriend." I was at least a professing Christian at the time, but frankly have no idea whether I had been given any saving grace. She was not Christian (and still is not from what I understand of the infrequent contacts that she still sends me, although she has once in a while mentioned an interest in learning more but it has not progressed to anything that I have noticed). We did a lot of things which I'm ashamed of..and I don't think it's necessary to go into detail on those for the purpose of this question.
She lives in a foreign country, and I would go sometimes but was not able to stay as I could not get a job or a long term visa there. One time, before I left (I am fairly confident it was during 2002), I typed up and printed something similar to a marriage contract. I don't remember the exact wording that I wrote, although I guess that I probably wrote some things that came to mind rather than copying directly from anything. It's like I wanted to have something of an assurance of having here even though I had to go away. Frankly, I didn't consider it to be an actual marriage, which makes it ridiculous that I would use such language -- but by now I'm used to doing ridiculous things. She did not want to sign it, but eventually I made her, and I did as well.
I don't know if the paper is still in existence any longer. It's possible that she may have it as she has kept some of the things that I left there the last time I was there (in 2003). I'm fairly sure that I wrote something along the lines of "...in the presence of God, and these witnesses." There were no other witnesses to have signed it in the place that I provided for their signatures...however, it's certain that God witnessed the event. Which is what I'm getting at... does God consider this to be a marriage? I know it would mean nothing in the eyes of the state, but frankly I care very little about that, because what I'm concerned with is whether by not being in a marriage with this girl I'm sinning against the Lord (that is, if it is considered a valid marriage, or not necessarily a valid marriage but still an obligation for me to enter into a valid marriage).
Another point to consider, I'm pretty sure she "slept" with someone else after that time (although I'm not completely sure, she did admit to doing so, but I think she may have retracted that admission at some time, and may have later admitted again that she did -- frankly I don't know). Sadly, though, I did this as well. So, if this were a valid marriage, I'm not even sure whether this (would-be adultery) would even qualify as a reason for ending it.
Also, I know many times she wanted to "break up" (a sign that at least she didn't consider it to be a valid marriage, because she never said she wanted to divorce me). Although I don't even remember any particular time that I agreed with her that we would, but around the end of 2005 we just stopped having an interest in continuing the relationship (and around then was when she and I both did what I mentioned above). So again, as she was an unbeliever, if this is a valid marriage, would I still be right to allow her to leave since she wanted to? And (if all that is the case), what if she wanted to get back together, would I also be required to take her back? She has occasionally mentioned some "feelings" for me, which I'm assuming means she has some remorse over our falling out.
Frankly, I'm not interested in the same things as I was back then. I want a marriage with a godly woman, if I'm to have such a relationship. However, more important than that, it would seem, is to honor the marriage in which God put us together, if it be so. Ultimately, that's what I'm trying to find out. Is this a valid marriage in the eyes of our Lord?
I may have other questions to ask...perhaps further advice about this situation, as well as other issues that I'm dealing with. However, I'd like to get started here. For any biblical, Christ-glorifying advice, I'm very thankful. If you're willing to discuss with me in private, either on this topic or other issues, please do send me a PM or notify me in this thread.
