Marriage question

[tonya]

I hope this is a good forum to put this in....I have 2 very good friends..both were raised in church and saved at a young age. They both stopped going to church...and dated...and gor pregnant..and live together. The BF will not go to church. He said he has a relationship wiith gOd. The GF is back in church and raising their child in church. They all live together in the same house as a fammily. But they do have problems. The Gf would like to be married BUT the Bf says that they are married in God's eyes...I have been burdened to pray for this young family....I have even been awakened at night to pray for one or the other!! I pray daily for the Bf to be restored to the lord b/c I know he needs GOD back in his life and is under serious conviction!!(IN more ways than one). Also I pray for their home b/c I feel that it is God's will for these people to be a family...I think this will glorify God and the Holy Spirit has given me soo much as I praY FOR THESE 3. Anyways..just wanted to know if any of you had any input into this situation? I have told the GF that maybe she and the Bf need a break from one another..that maybe God can work better in their lives IF they are apart...I told her she and the child should probably stayv in the house and maybe he should go stay somewhere else for a while...His family has a small furnished vacant house he can stay in and he has numerous friends he could stay with..Anyways..just needed some more christian advice..opinions or testimonies... thanks

 

[Jenna]

Hmmm..... fornication is fornication. I don't know where the boyfriend is getting the idea that they are married in the eyes of God. *I* would have warning bells going off in my head like mad if the guy I was with decided that he didn't want to marry me, no matter what the excuse was. Still, it sounds like she is enabling him. As for what should be done about it, that's kind of up to them. It seems like the most sound advice would be to pray for them. I sure hope that the Holy Spirit works a number on their hearts and minds, and convicts them to make their relationship a proper one.

 

[tonya]

Thanks Jenna...My friends want me to show where in the Bible it says that you have to have a marriage ceremony in the chuech...She keeps coming back to me about the one a man should leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife...you know the one I am talking about...Yes..i know too that she is the enabler...that is why i suggested a sepsraion period..I thought that might be a good idea...

 

[Jenna]

I guess that a separation would be good, if they were determined to abstain until marrying. However, it seems that they are having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that they are really doing something wrong.

 

[selune]

Red flags about the reluctance too. But I'm concerned about wanting them to seperate. There is a child involved. The seperation could drive a wedge that may not be repairable. Is he also opposed to a courthouse ceremony? Maybe he's embarrased about facing the church crowd. At least he didn't abandon the girl and baby. Perhaps there are other issues working on him. I am not one for sanctioning this behavior, but I think there may be other issues at the root of the problem. I know that there was a time when I found it exceptionally difficult to go to church because of the people there and their reaction to a backslide that I had. Perhaps he has similar problems. I'll pray for them too.

 

[Flipper]

Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

 

[JillLars]

Regardless of whether or not he believes they are married in God's eyes (which some people do actually believe), if she wants to get married legally, and have a ceremony, he should not have any problem obliging, that is, if he believes they are already married.

This is sending red flags up to me too, there are people who actually believe there is a difference between being married legally and being married in God's eyes, but most are willing to get married legally for common sense reasons, it sounds like this guy is just saying he believes this to make an excuse and avoid committment.

 

[charligirl]

They may have made their own covenant together and included God but I have to ask that if he is not willing to make it public what committment is there??

God says that we are to abide by the law of the land... in this case the law of the land does NOT recognise that they are married, they have not made a public declaration or made it legal so they are not married.

 

[JVD]

The Bible doesn't say you have to have church ceremony to be married in the eyes of God. It doesn't say you have to have a legal ceremony either.

BUT...if this guy is not willing to be legally married to her that does say something about his character. He wants the priveleges of marriage without the legal responsibilities.

Even though there is a child involved and seperating this father from his child would be a tragedy. I would at least put some pressure on him to go through a legal marriage. This could be very simple with only the two of you in attendance.

There are definete legal committments made in marriage that help to show his committment to you. I would pressure him to do that.

 

[tonya]

Red flags about the reluctance too. But I'm concerned about wanting them to seperate. There is a child involved. The seperation could drive a wedge that may not be repairable. Is he also opposed to a courthouse ceremony? Maybe he's embarrased about facing the church crowd. At least he didn't abandon the girl and baby. Perhaps there are other issues working on him. I am not one for sanctioning this behavior, but I think there may be other issues at the root of the problem. I know that there was a time when I found it exceptionally difficult to go to church because of the people there and their reaction to a backslide that I had. Perhaps he has similar problems. I'll pray for them too.

thanks for the post Selune..Yes, I think there are other issues...his mom and the way he was raised...i sometimes think he wants his cake and eat it too..that is why I offered the suggestion of separation..I see what you mean about driving a wedge..but they are having problems and there is already a wedge..I know God can fix anything and I feel that he would be most glorified if this couple worked things out and made a marriage family and home together and EVERYBODY went to church...so I pray...I just suggested separaton b/c when we get away from the problem we can see more clearly and we realize what we had...Does this make sense??

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Ditto Jill.
This guy is keeping the back door open so he can run if he wants to.

 

[HigherPraiz]

i had a baby young...before i got married. but then me and the babies daddy got married. but in my eyes this is a serious issue to where the girl is living unholy. she is living with a man, has a child and isnt married. she can say she isnt...but she really is. despite the fact she goes to church. i did it and i have been there and its not right. she should of learned her lesson through this guy when they got together and started having sex. its not right to have sex before marriage. if she would of known that it wasnt right then why do it when she "grew up in the church" that is really the question. i grew up in the church as well, but i backed out probably around the age of 13...so i really never had that personal relationship with Christ until i got married. now we are pentecostal Christians and raise our daughter in it.
there is a goute by someone (dont know author)

you become who you hang out with.

her and this guy may last forever but she may not last in the church if she is living in sin at her house.