Marriage Difficulties

[NoideawhatIamdoing]

Hi, my name is >>John<<

I am 32, a disabled veteran and the caretaker and father of six amazing children.

I married into 4 of them, two are mine.

A little about my past. I married young and dumb. I made a rash decision when I was 18 and married a girl that was well, very abused (by family not me) and not ready. It ended in me coming home from deployment with her being pregnant with another mans child.

I recovered, I wasn't actually in love i dont think, when it ended I wasnt sad.
I got married again later out of fear of my child not having anybody to take care of her when I deployed again. I married in an attempt to live my entire life in the year between deployments. It was dumb but once again I did something I regret. She ended up cheating on me, having both an emotional affair and a physical one. I was devastated when I first found out. IT was very painful. I ended up getting a divorce and moving on before she did, and that made if pretty hard.

I started to date, I had multiple relationships and got dumped and dumped others. It was fun then I met my wife now. I was head over heels within a few weeks. I couldn't get enough of her. She is smart, sexy, sharp as a tac, independent, strong. I can literally go on forever. When we got married it was an adjustment. We had for kids moving into my home on top of the two i already have. Our blending happened very quickly and easily. It was difficult financially but not spiritually or even emotionally. It seemed to happen very quick and very easily.

My wife applied and got a job on second shift. She loves it. Her work environment is awesome and she has people that back her up. She is also good at it.

She developed a friendship with a man. This guy and her played locker wars, punched each other in the arm and shared a good friendship. She told me that he is practically her best friend. I was very disturbed by this because I was her best friend. We talked about it. Then we argued about it.

A week goes bye, and my wife sets it up for me to meet this guy. It was just her, him and me. It was a little awkward but, we talked. He told me he had no intentions of going after my wife etc. All in all he seemed like a good guy. I liked him.

I explained to her my feelings on the matter. I told her I dont want her having drinks with just him and I also wasnt comfortable about them texting each other outside of work. She was a little irritated but agreed.

We ended up having another fight.
She said she couldn't handle the situation, the worry from me and the drama involved with my insecurities. So she said she was going to cut it off with this guy. So she did. The playing at work stopped etc.

We stopped talking about him for a little while.

So last night, I went out for drinks with her him and another coworker. It was interesting, a little awkward. It turned out to be a good night.

Something I didnt mention is my wife's mother is suffering from a devastating cancer and was in the hospital.

The next morning after we drank and had a good time. She and I were just talking. I mentioned a receipt I found in our truck on the day she went to go see her mom after work. She stopped and grabbed McDonald, she ordered two meals. I asked if she took McDonald to her mom. She said no then blew up on me. She accused me of not trusting her. Which I could see after I said why she would think that, but she was [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed. Then all the old [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] about this guy started to flood out.

My insecurities are taking over my relationship. I am worried about pushing her away and losing her. How the h*** do I stop feeling like she is cheating on me. How do I stop being anxiety ridden and just be what my wife needs right now. How do I stop dwelling on this situation.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Logically I dont see as though she is cheating on me. She cant quit her job and I cant ask her too. She and this guy will be working together for the next ten years at least. What should I do? If anything.

My intention is to just ignore my insecurity, support my wife and just blindly trust her despite what is going on in my head.

 

[AvgJoe]

You didn't mention if you ever explained your past to you wife, about all the times you've been cheated on before. Does she know about that part of your past?

 

[Daniel Quartararo]

Hi, my name is >>John<<

I am 32, a disabled veteran and the caretaker and father of six amazing children.

I married into 4 of them, two are mine.

A little about my past. I married young and dumb. I made a rash decision when I was 18 and married a girl that was well, very abused (by family not me) and not ready. It ended in me coming home from deployment with her being pregnant with another mans child.

I recovered, I wasn't actually in love i dont think, when it ended I wasnt sad.
I got married again later out of fear of my child not having anybody to take care of her when I deployed again. I married in an attempt to live my entire life in the year between deployments. It was dumb but once again I did something I regret. She ended up cheating on me, having both an emotional affair and a physical one. I was devastated when I first found out. IT was very painful. I ended up getting a divorce and moving on before she did, and that made if pretty hard.

I started to date, I had multiple relationships and got dumped and dumped others. It was fun then I met my wife now. I was head over heels within a few weeks. I couldn't get enough of her. She is smart, sexy, sharp as a tac, independent, strong. I can literally go on forever. When we got married it was an adjustment. We had for kids moving into my home on top of the two i already have. Our blending happened very quickly and easily. It was difficult financially but not spiritually or even emotionally. It seemed to happen very quick and very easily.

My wife applied and got a job on second shift. She loves it. Her work environment is awesome and she has people that back her up. She is also good at it.

She developed a friendship with a man. This guy and her played locker wars, punched each other in the arm and shared a good friendship. She told me that he is practically her best friend. I was very disturbed by this because I was her best friend. We talked about it. Then we argued about it.

A week goes bye, and my wife sets it up for me to meet this guy. It was just her, him and me. It was a little awkward but, we talked. He told me he had no intentions of going after my wife etc. All in all he seemed like a good guy. I liked him.

I explained to her my feelings on the matter. I told her I dont want her having drinks with just him and I also wasnt comfortable about them texting each other outside of work. She was a little irritated but agreed.

We ended up having another fight.
She said she couldn't handle the situation, the worry from me and the drama involved with my insecurities. So she said she was going to cut it off with this guy. So she did. The playing at work stopped etc.

We stopped talking about him for a little while.

So last night, I went out for drinks with her him and another coworker. It was interesting, a little awkward. It turned out to be a good night.

Something I didnt mention is my wife's mother is suffering from a devastating cancer and was in the hospital.

The next morning after we drank and had a good time. She and I were just talking. I mentioned a receipt I found in our truck on the day she went to go see her mom after work. She stopped and grabbed McDonald, she ordered two meals. I asked if she took McDonald to her mom. She said no then blew up on me. She accused me of not trusting her. Which I could see after I said why she would think that, but she was [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Then all the old [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] about this guy started to flood out.

My insecurities are taking over my relationship. I am worried about pushing her away and losing her. How the h*** do I stop feeling like she is cheating on me. How do I stop being anxiety ridden and just be what my wife needs right now. How do I stop dwelling on this situation.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Logically I dont see as though she is cheating on me. She cant quit her job and I cant ask her too. She and this guy will be working together for the next ten years at least. What should I do? If anything.

My intention is to just ignore my insecurity, support my wife and just blindly trust her despite what is going on in my head.

Can we talk further? I would like to have an actual conversation with you.

I will say two other things, one:
Pursue relationship with God, so then you can trust God and then it's no longer about trusting her. You can trust the Lord to guide you and to show you the truth if there is anything that is not right.

Also, pursue relationship with God so He can give you the words to speak to you wife. The Lord knows what needs to happens for this relationship to be everything He destined it to be.

I have a whole YouTube Channel dedicated to this, I encourage you to follow! That is here: Daniel Quartararo - YouTube

I also think you would benefit from hearing this testimony as well:

I hope you will check some of this content out and see where it can help you. And again, I would like to have an actual conversation over the phone or skype if that would be good for you. God bless you, in Jesus' mighty name! -Daniel

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

The whole "Hes my best friend!" thing I don't like. I mean your spouse is your best friend. If you have another best friend then its hopefully the same sex as you, not the opposite. Because best friends can have feelings towards each other if they get along VERY WELL. Especially if lets say you had a fight then she drives off and meets her "friend" for coffee. He comforts her and... well you know the next steps. Not that I want you to be paranoid of course.

Ok so this is a hard thing to do, especially if your wrong since it will cause major strife. But I tell someone if you feel somethings not right with your spouse and their "Friend". Ask to see their phone, email, facebook...etc. Because someone who has nothing to hide will let you see that stuff. Its how my wife and I are. We have access to everything we do. Though we don't look because its more about being a symbol of showing trust.

Like I said though in your situation, if your wrong this could push her over the edge. Then again she could be mad because you are on to something. Finding out more about this situation is really a double edged sword. You could always let it go for now and see what happens. If she starts going out more without you. Or you find more receipts for "two meals"...etc then you would know something is very fishy. Maybe have her talk (with you too) to a pastor about relations with the opposite sex. I mean at work its one thing, but a relationship outside of that work would even make me nervous.

---edit---
I should add maybe with all the kids, marriage, work...etc shes tired and looking for a place to relax. For some they look outside the marriage and stray. Even if they aren't going to do anything like cheating, they are still looking outside the marriage and its not a good thing. My wife gets stressed from work but thats why she watches Korean dramas when she gets home to relax.