marital problems need help!!!!!!!

[sellyguy]

Ive been a very strong christian for awhile now and put all my faith in the lord and glorify my fathers name every day of my life. The good lord answers my prayers and listens to my every word. Ive been having a lot of issues with my wife though and feel satan has his dirty rotten paws all over my marital life and hes trying as hard as he can to not let go. Talk about some serious spiritual warfare goin on here.
See, my wife used to be a very strong athiest and i have been trying for a looooong time to get her to accept christ in her heart. shes at the point now where she kinda believes in god, (so she sais) but things are horrible right now and ive been stopped dead in my tracks today.
1 year ago today, her and i seperated because of her infideleity and decietfullness. SHe had cheated on my several times and lied about it every time. About a month ago, the lord presented me with an oppertunity to work things out with her and i took it. When the holy spirit comes on me like that, i ont turn away, i go for it. we've been basically dating for a month and just found out shes been seeing someone else as well and again she doesnt want to fess up to her mistake, even though i talked to the man she was sleeping with. for some odd reason, the lord is still telling me to not give up and i cant for the life of me figure out why. I cant trust a word that comes out of her mouth or an action that is revealed by her movements. I dont even really have strong feelings for her anymore but god is telling me to have at it. There is a passage in the bible about a man who married a women who constantly cheated on him and he was told to keep forgiving her and eventually he bought her at a slave sale and she stoped doing it. i can compare alot of things in the bible to my situation but i cant explain it.
I would be happy to just end this right now and move on with my life and my work it out with my 2 young children with her but jesus christ is saying " NO!!!" and i have to respect that. I certainly dont care for divorce because of my religion and i just dont what im supposed to do here. Why would i want to be with someone i cant trust and am scared of. Please guys, send me some help here. Christ is guiding me through this but i need some good christian advice on this one.

thank you and god bless,
chris sell

 

[Julian of York]

Run,do not walk,and either read on line or purchase "The Way of the Master" by Ray Comfort. You can find this at "LIVINGWATERS.COM"
Spiritual warfare is a BIG topic with Ray Comfort.
Also, you can try GOOGLING "Ray Comfort on anxiety", where he deals with many of these issues in a brief format.
Julian of York

 

[tturt]

Well, you seen to be following what He wants - even though it doesn't make any sense to you and that's great. I definitely encourage you to follow Yahweh's leading - Last Sunday night He said my thoughts on a particular matter meant absolutely nothing compared to His thoughts. He really got my attention! The sooner we get in line with His plan the better. He will give you the strength, guidance, and knowledge on what He wants to accomplish.

 

[miamited]

Hi Sellguy,

While I absolutely encourage you to do all that you are responsible for within the guidelines of the Scriptures I will also warn you that God may not honor your marriage. Paul writes about this very thing and I have suffered with it for years myself. I also married as an unbeliever and it has caused a whole set of problems in my marriage. I am remaining faithful and I am treating her with love and respect as best I can in my flesh, but I am fully aware that Paul, regarding this very issue says that if the unbeliever wants to leave that we should let them. Hard to accept and especially when the unbeliever lays the guilt trip on that it's all our fault because we're now so 'different'.

Jesus spoke some very poignant words to his disciples about those who would follow after him. "Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."http://www.christianforums.com/#cr-descriptionAnchor-41

Do you see what Jesus is saying here? When we choose to follow him, those people, even our closest family and friends, if they are not likewise following Jesus, will form against us. We must do the best that we can and always strive to show the love of our Lord through our own actions and as a believer, your seeking a divorce or separation should be out of the question, 'but if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace'.

Notice how Paul even approves that in such a circumstance we will be living the life of peace that God has called us to. So, do all that you can and take it before the fellowship for prayer and seek God's guidance through prayer youself, but follow all of the instructions of the Scriptures. BTW maybe you can find some Titus 2:4 women among your fellowship that will be willing to at least sit down and talk with your wife, although I have honestly found this bit of Scriptural instruction lacking in every fellowship that I have ever attended.

God bless you and may you be given His peace.
In Christ, Ted

 

[sellyguy]

strong words ted, i will certainly take that to heart. You see, the thing is, im not even mad at her. Im sad for her because of where her heart is. When her and i first split up, i was depressed and filled with anger because i wasnt such a servant of trhe lord as i am today and she knows this because this was one of the first things i addressed when we got back together a month ago. When i found out about this other man, i wasnt angry, frustrated, or depressed. I prayed for her, that she can find the good in herself and that soon, jesus will be revealed to her and that its for herself and the family. Weve talked several times about her going to church with me and praying with me and shes getting closer and closer. I believe christ is telling me to hang in there because she is my wife and the mother of my children and the way i pray for a family, i think shes gonna evenrually see truth and light. andf when she does its gonna be miraculous and shes gonna be a different individual , putting herself in the footsteps of god and not the footsteps of herself. I will say there is deffnitly a chance that satan can win this battle but with my faith and jesus christ as my weapon, he most likley will not succeed. I will keep you guys posted and pray for her. her name is melissa mccollum-sell.
thank you and god bless
chris sell

 

[dies-l]

To the OP: Why do you believe that God is telling you to stick with her? A first priority should be to determine if this really is the voice of God. I don't that it is or that it isn't, but I do know that sometime people attribute the desires of their own heart to the voice of God.

The problem here is that it sounds like you are walking a fine line between forgiveness and enabling. I believe that part of the reason that Paul told us to let our non-believing spouse go is that he didn't want us to keep enabling their sinfulness or, worse yet, allow their sinfulness to pull us away from Christ. If you are simply enabling this woman by giving her something stable to keep coming back to when her other plans don't work out, then you are doing her much more harm than good.

But, we also know that God did tell the Prophet Hosea to marry Gomer, who was a sexually deviant woman herself. So, I cannot tell you that there is no way that it is God who is telling you to stick it out. Just be careful that you are not enabling her wickedness and bringing yourself down in the process.

 

[dies-l]

strong words ted, i will certainly take that to heart. You see, the thing is, im not even mad at her. Im sad for her because of where her heart is. When her and i first split up, i was depressed and filled with anger because i wasnt such a servant of trhe lord as i am today and she knows this because this was one of the first things i addressed when we got back together a month ago. When i found out about this other man, i wasnt angry, frustrated, or depressed. I prayed for her, that she can find the good in herself and that soon, jesus will be revealed to her and that its for herself and the family. Weve talked several times about her going to church with me and praying with me and shes getting closer and closer. I believe christ is telling me to hang in there because she is my wife and the mother of my children and the way i pray for a family, i think shes gonna evenrually see truth and light. andf when she does its gonna be miraculous and shes gonna be a different individual , putting herself in the footsteps of god and not the footsteps of herself. I will say there is deffnitly a chance that satan can win this battle but with my faith and jesus christ as my weapon, he most likley will not succeed. I will keep you guys posted and pray for her. her name is melissa *** ***.
thank you and god bless
chris ***

Out of respect for her privacy, I would encourage you to abstain from putting her full name or any other information that would specifically identify her on the website.

 

[miamited]

Hi Chris,

It sounds to me like you're doing what God has asked of you and I would encourage you to stay the course. We just all, speaking to those who come to trust Christ after their marriages, need to understand that the true believers have been warned that this is very likely going to cause division within the home.

God bless you and I will pray for you. I'd also ask for your prayers for my wife, Vera.
In Christ, Ted

 

[new_wine]

I do not believe that God is leading you this way. I think you want to have this back in your life and you are using God as an excuse.

God leads you to good things not bad. This woman keeps breaking the bond of trust with you, that is bad fruit from a bad tree. You will never be able to know for sure if she is doing the right thing or the wrong thing.

You should let it go and have God find you someone else. If by some chance The Holy Spirit actually redeems her and God sends her back into your life fine. But until she can stop this sleeping around on you and can earn real trust, you will never have happiness.

Bless you you deserve better for your life. And you know God thinks so as well.

 

[sellyguy]

ok, i understand why you all are saying its just emotion pushing my decision but i can assure its not. Before we got back together, i had no desire to be with her ever again but thiongs where happening and prayers from people other than myself started falling into place which im not gonna get into but it incouraged me to follow the lrds guidance which was placed right in front of my face right out of no where. I told her the very first day i cant put up with how you used to be and the thing is, i havnt even fallen in love with her yet so its not like im doing this because my hearts pushing me forward to it, its because the holy spirits been smackin me in the face and sayin dont give up and yes its extreeeemly frustrating and i dont understand it but you guys have to trust me when i say i know its something holy, something spiritual and im just trying to figure it all out. theres times when god puts us in certain situations that we dont know why for awhile or even ever but i feel i should just listen and do and thats all i really can do for now. Dont get me wrong im not trying to be with a women i hate because i dont but im not in love with her either but its my wife and ive been asking the lord to give me his hand so he can guid me through this battle i know he will, either way it turns out, i know hes with me.
thank you and god bless.
chris sell

 

[Mixolydian]

Out of respect for her privacy, I would encourage you to abstain from putting her full name or any other information that would specifically identify her on the website.

Yes, please go back to your post and edit the name. God knows her name and I'll be praying for you two.

 

[perrfekt]

if you feel led by the lord to pursue her. do it. scripture does say that we should allow an unbeliever to leave if they choose. so, if she files for divorce, then it is on her, not you, and you are free from the bond. it may even go that far, which sucks.

you aren't forcing her back, or to stay. what i feel on it is this. be kind, patient, and loving in the pursuit. emulate Christ. be a whitness, and maybe this will allow her to be moved by the spirit. it is up to her to choose to accept Him, and you.

 

[bling]

This is a huge problem and needs lots of long term marriage counseling and not a page on a thread for an answer.

Can you get her to go with you for marital counseling?

As far as the story of the prophet Hosea being instructed to take back Gomer, God is presenting a lesson to the people of Israel through the life story of Hosea. Hosea is acting out God’s part where Gomer is Israel. This story just needs to be told one time this way and was for the Israelites, which is not what He is doing with you.

Your “wife” is not the cross you are to bare. God has given your wife free will, which means you cannot change her, but only help to change herself. If you’re always there to take her back (recue her) she does not need to change and in her eyes may not have a problem. Your attitude may actually be hurting her Spiritual growth, by not being tough Love (so to speak).

Please seek counseling ASAP!!!