Manipulation Tactics?

[MERCY@GRACE]

I was thinking today how many couples use manipulation tactics to get their way, and was trying to think if I do this.

I am not a cryer (unless I'm in labor or strong worship service lol) That is not a MT for me. HOWEVER AT TIMES i do get quiet. I don't "hold a grudge' so to speak, but I get quiet until I get "over it" which is usually w/ in an hr lol!

Anyone else like to share where, or if you fall in this area. When I was doing a personal inventory of myself I THOUGHT i was in the clear to God brought that to my remembrance

 

[Redguard]

I fake an asthma attack to get my own way.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

I fake an asthma attack to get my own way.

too funny

 

[ccunning001]

I fake an asthma attack to get my own way.

Ah, now that is crazy. Ever hear of the boy who cried wolf? Be careful, one day you might be in serious trouble and your spouse may not help.

 

[TheDag]

While dating once a week my wife and I read a chapter of boundaries before marriage and discussed it and as a result I learned how to control her. Thankfully I've never been tempted to do so and doubt I will be tempted as my wife is very loving and caring. Sometimes I go quiet when upset or hurt but my wife always picks up on it and we work it out.

 

[WolfGate]

Since I want my wife to love me, I love her first.

Since I want intimacy, I show her affection and affirmation all the time so she'll be in the right mood when I am.

Since I want respect from her and the kids, I try to focus on Eph 5:21, 25-33 more than Eph 5:22-24.

Since I want a new motorcycle, I make sure we're saving to replace her old car first.

Does that count???

 

[okiemommy26]

Since I want my wife to love me, I love her first.

Since I want intimacy, I show her affection and affirmation all the time so she'll be in the right mood when I am.

Since I want respect from her and the kids, I try to focus on Eph 5:21, 25-33 more than Eph 5:22-24.

Since I want a new motorcycle, I make sure we're saving to replace her old car first.

Does that count???

Actually no that is showing you actually care about your family. What the OP is talking about is like if I want something from my husband and he doesn't want me to have whatevery I cry that would be a MT but I don't do that. I don't see the point in crying to get my way. I cry when Im mad but not when I want something.

 

[Saint2be27]

I am not a cryer (unless I'm in labor or strong worship service lol) That is not a MT for me. HOWEVER AT TIMES i do get quiet. I don't "hold a grudge' so to speak, but I get quiet until I get "over it" which is usually w/ in an hr lol!

Ditto, though usually within that hour I forget what I'm upset about...then I get frustrated at myslef because I KNOW I had a point to something!

I've been married for almost 10 years, and in the beginning I did try to manipulate some things (though I would never admit it at the time). I guess time and a very patient husband who showed me lovingly he would not put up with it helped me reform

 

[Saint2be27]

I think what Wolfgate is saying, is he doesn't have to resort to manipulation because he gives freely. And traditionally when you give, you receive abundantly.

Just a thought

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

Awwww, nobody wants to confess


I remember my pastor exposed some tactics that women use to get their way... such as crying, but he left out the mens manipulation tactics. Hmmmm, wonder why that is

 

[Saint2be27]

I used to have practically a temper tantrum, ignore, leave, run to mom, I'm embarrassed how I used to behave.

I am now reformed

I was talking to my husband about it last night and he told me men have A Lot of manipulation tactics, though he would not elaborate.

 

[isaiah5213]

lol!!! the part of "if i want a motorcycle i make sure my wife has a better car first" is a sort of tactic! cuz he knows that is the first thing she points out! lol!

i can tell you my hubby's! lol! and then i can tell ya mine!

my hubby lets me rent a movie ...before he confesses he went to mcdonald's and spent 5$ we don't have on a burger & fries & now he has to confess cuz' a.) he's on a diet, supposedly, and b.) the bag is in the garbage, and it will be any minute now before i see it...c.) he didn't get anything for anyone else...i had to cook for the 8 kiddos, & him, and me...

my hubby says he bought a digital camara & printer for me. but i am not allowed to touch the printer yet. and i couldn't touch the camara till he read the book.

my hubby says we were going to las vegas for me... MY dream city is niagara falls, or dakota mountains, or oregon and california... who said anything about las vegas but his buddy lloyd???? lol!!!

i have tons more, but i have to confess my stuff first...

i make sure my hub is all sexed up before i ask him for 30$ to take a 4 month bible study class.

i cook my hubby's favorite food, before i tell him that i need a one time raise on the food budget to fix this again, or get something big, but on sale...(prawns, for instance)

i make sure the house is spotless, before i ask if i can go karaoke w/one of his cousins... or take the kids to the zoo, or get a season's pass to the science museum...

in other words: i manipulate for money, i think.. and i think my hubby does the same thing..

we are a sorry couple, looking back at his... lol!!!

 

[Cordy]

Awwww, nobody wants to confess


I remember my pastor exposed some tactics that women use to get their way... such as crying, but he left out the mens manipulation tactics. Hmmmm, wonder why that is

… that is interesting. I have seen several men pull out the tears to get their way, too.

Although I know men manipulate, I think I see more women in the church becoming masters of it. I honestly think it is because the Christian culture usually allows the husband to be more direct about their intentions and wishes etc. No matter what level of discussion is allowed in the home, the husband is often granted the last say and therefore can be as open and straightforward as he wants. There is no need to manipulate the driver when sitting at the wheel. But because women are ultimately taught that the man’s say goes at the end of the day, I think they have learned that to get their opinion or decision really used or appreciated, they learn how to manipulate their way there. I could be wrong, but I have heard it is called “passive control”, or something along those lines. The person learns to control without being officially in control.

Just food for thought.

 

[hygienemom]

I get quiet as well...but then the Holy Spirit speaks to me and says 'come on now don't be that way'!

 

[hygienemom]

… that is interesting. I have seen several men pull out the tears to get their way, too.

Although I know men manipulate, I think I see more women in the church becoming masters of it. I honestly think it is because the Christian culture usually allows the husband to be more direct about their intentions and wishes etc. No matter what level of discussion is allowed in the home, the husband is often granted the last say and therefore can be as open and straightforward as he wants. There is no need to manipulate the driver when sitting at the wheel. But because women are ultimately taught that the man’s say goes at the end of the day, I think they have learned that to get their opinion or decision really used or appreciated, they learn how to manipulate their way there. I could be wrong, but I have heard it is called “passive control”, or something along those lines. The person learns to control without being officially in control.

Just food for thought.

I don't agree that that is how we are to be submissive to our husbands is it? Shouldn't we agree on issues equally? I don't agree that the husband has the final say! Off topic i know but i just don't agree.

 

[Yitzchak]

My manipulation tactic of choice is to be moody when I don't get my way. I don't flip out or anything. Just get quiet and kind of bummed out. There is a fine line between just having my feelings about things and observing the effect those feelings have on my spouses behavior and milking them a little.

 

[Cordy]

I don't agree that that is how we are to be submissive to our husbands is it? Shouldn't we agree on issues equally? I don't agree that the husband has the final say! Off topic i know but i just don't agree.

Oh, I agree with you! I don't think the Bible sets out the power hierarchy that the man has the final say and the woman submits to it. I think the best way to show love, respect and submission toward each others is for the husband and wife to put the other before themselves and come to an agreement together. But I don't think that is really what is taught in much of the Christian culture, and I think that negative things happen as a result. One of those is increasing manipulation.

 

[WolfGate]

I heard Robertson McQuilkin give a talk on the biblical roles for marriage. While he did feel that the man ultimately has final say on issues, he stated that should only occur after both partners had discussed, prayed about, discussed some more, prayed some more and tried to reach agreement on the right course. He also stated in his several decades of marriage to Muriel, he had only had to use that final say three times and it was difficult to have to do so then. And he felt too many men take Eph. as an excuse not to lead, but to dictate. He as much as said if a man "pulling rank" on anything close to a regular basis, you're not understanding the roles set out in Eph.

Somebody has to have the final decision when the two partners absolutely cannot agree. But that should be a very, very rare case.

The primary point of submission is that both partners are seeking what is best for the other and the family as a whole. Not that someone is getting what they want.

 

[WolfGate]

I think what Wolfgate is saying, is he doesn't have to resort to manipulation because he gives freely. And traditionally when you give, you receive abundantly.

Just a thought

Well, I'm not quite that proud to say I'm giving "freely". Had I always been that way, I might, but I can assure you that when I got married 15 years ago, I wanted all those things whether or not I gave my wife what she needed first. As such, I think my nature would be to revert to that state if possible.

But I guess if you define manipulation as making someone do something they don't want to do, then it's not manipulation. Rather, I'm treating her the way she needs so she'll want to do the things I want and need.

 

[searle29678]

I am queen manipulator! I am really trying to work on this because my hubby recently told me how much it irks him. I was/am the world's worst to cry and bring up all the wonderful things I have done for him. I was/am quick to take him on a guilt trip that would rival a ride at Six Flags! My mom has always been that way, so I guess it's a learned behavior, but that is not an excuse. I'm really gonna try to change that about myself.