manic fool.

[believer419]

I am currently on 100mgs of Seroquel (I'm also taking Lexapro) (we've been increasing the Seroquel a little bit at a time for the past year), but my highs are still so extreme.. I've been high for the past few days now, no one in my family can handle it.. I make a fool of myself in front of people.. I hate it! I say things, do things, and really wish I could control it.. And my parents say that I can control it..but really, i try and try..and it just seems that I can't...i try so hard..you have no idea... I wish I could just get rid of it. I'm so over making a fool of myself. I even had a dream last night where I was crying about hating how I make myself into a spectacle... I honestly feel like a mental retard in front of people..like I'm just a complete joke. I hate being labelled 'bipolar'... i hate the cycles of hurt.. It just..hurts. That's what it is. After the highs, I hurt so much from the pain of realising how out of control I am, how much of a fool I make myself into..and I just want God to take me.. I don't want to be here if everyone's just going to see me as a joke..
Going from being hospitalised for overdoses, to then being so crazily out of control doing manic things...

I just wish they could understand.. I don't want this. I don't purposely set out to look like an idiot..
It hurts so much..

Sorry. Just needed to vent..

 

[Robin Shawn]

I think that mostly you can't help yourself...like can a blind person help it that they can't see?

Ever tried a mood stabilizer like lithium or Depakote?

You don't really want God to take you...you just want to feel better.

I hope you feel better soon.

Shawn

 

[helpneedednow]

dont give up on yourself, fight as hard as you can and be the person god wanted you to be. get help, im on mood stablizers also, and just try to focus on the better things in life. i almost gave up and would have missed my children growing up, the freash air we breathe, and just life in general, which is much better with you in it. just remember there are people here to talk to, to prey with, who will be there for you when it feels like noone cares. i will prey for you as i type this message and anytime you need to talk or vent just write here and ill try to answer as soon as possible. god bless you and please take care and know that we all love you, brother, keep fighting its worth it.